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jannshari
Insert Witty Title Here
Member since 8/03 2781 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/15/2004 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Garden City Hotel
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Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts
What is proper etiquette for checks written as wedding gifts - bride OR groom's name or both names?
Edited for clarification. Just want to know the proper etiquette. Thank you!
Message edited 7/5/2004 9:57:49 PM.
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Posted 7/5/04 8:01 PM 
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mrswask
The Dutchess
Member since 9/03 5840 total posts
Wedding Date:
8/1/2004 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Chateau La Mer
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Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts
I can understand you being annoyed - esp since this is the wedding present, not engagement check. But don't worry about it - it will prob be easier to deposit if it's just in his name right now. We've gotten a lot with just my name but I also think it's because Fh's last name is tough and people aren't sure how to spell it!! ha ha
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Posted 7/5/04 8:08 PM
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september2004
It's An Obsession
Member since 9/03 3384 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/18/2004 2:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts
this would "irk" me perhaps, but i would get over it REAL quick...
perhaps they view the check cashing process easier with only one name?
the fact that they sent it early would not bother me at all, as it's one less thing for someone to think about and handle come the big day...
gift etiquette shmetiquette, be happy they thought of you 
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Posted 7/5/04 8:08 PM
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MayBride06
It's all about the flatbread!!
Member since 11/03 5556 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/28/2006 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
out east
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Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts
Maybe they were afraid that you would have trouble cashing it at the bank if both of your signed your married name. This actually happened to my frined who had trouble depositing her checks after the wedding!! I would not be upset!!
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Posted 7/5/04 8:08 PM
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jannshari
Insert Witty Title Here
Member since 8/03 2781 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/15/2004 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Garden City Hotel
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Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts
OK, I totally appreciate the responses, but I said that I am not upset about it being sent early and I am "over" it insofar as it was just the last thing said that threw our argument about other things over the edge, i.e., the argument was so not about the stupid check, but it was the scapegoat for the underlying issues basically.
I just want to know what the rules of etiquette say, not necessary what the thought was behind it. I appreciate the gift a great deal, so it's definitely not about that. I'm looking to settle an etiquette disagreement only.
Thanks.
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Posted 7/5/04 8:14 PM
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julz33
Board Princess
Member since 8/03 11524 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/24/2004 6:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Huntington Townhouse
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Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts
I found this online:
QUICK TIPS
If anyone asks, checks before the wedding should be made out to the bride OR groom (i.e., they should use the bride's maiden name, if she's planning to change it). After the wedding, checks should be made out to bride AND groom. This just makes cashing 'em easier, and it's also the traditional way it's done. As far as checks brought to the reception -- put someone in charge of collecting them. The best man is a good bet. You might even want to make him and the maid of honor responsible for keeping the checks for you while you're on your honeymoon -- they can even deposit them into your account for you, as long as they make a list of who gave you what first!
http://www.southshoreweddings.com/topic/109.htm
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Posted 7/5/04 8:18 PM
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jannshari
Insert Witty Title Here
Member since 8/03 2781 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/15/2004 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Garden City Hotel
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Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts
Posted by julz33
After the wedding, checks should be made out to bride AND groom. This just makes cashing 'em easier, and it's also the traditional way it's done.
OK, so I wasn't entirely right in that since it's before the wedding, it makes a difference, even if it's only a week before, but I thought it was traditional that checks are supposed to be made to both.
Thanks. I guess it could go either way.
Message edited 7/5/2004 8:22:31 PM.
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Posted 7/5/04 8:21 PM
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EvenEdan
blah blah...
Member since 11/02 3110 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/27/2004 3:15 PM
Wed. Location:
The Carltun
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Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts
I wouldn't think twice about writing the check out to just the bride or the groom, in fact I've done this very thing. I feel it makes it easier to cash since I don't know what the couple's banking situation is. I would never be upset about a check being written out to just FI's name. It is clearly a gift for both of you. I think I would let this one go, sounds like you are being a bit too sensitive on this one.
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Posted 7/5/04 9:17 PM
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jannshari
Insert Witty Title Here
Member since 8/03 2781 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/15/2004 12:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Garden City Hotel
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Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts
Thanks. I have let it go. I'm now just curious about the proper etiquette. I have no compunction about telling FH that I was wrong if I was wrong. 
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Posted 7/5/04 9:23 PM
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EvenEdan
blah blah...
Member since 11/02 3110 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/27/2004 3:15 PM
Wed. Location:
The Carltun
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Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts
Good for you!
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Posted 7/5/04 9:25 PM
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MrsBrad
Married and loving it!!!
Member since 2/04 1943 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/13/2004 10:30 AM
Wed. Location:
North Ritz Club
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Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts
Posted by julz33
I found this online:
QUICK TIPS
If anyone asks, checks before the wedding should be made out to the bride OR groom (i.e., they should use the bride's maiden name, if she's planning to change it). After the wedding, checks should be made out to bride AND groom. This just makes cashing 'em easier, and it's also the traditional way it's done. As far as checks brought to the reception -- put someone in charge of collecting them. The best man is a good bet. You might even want to make him and the maid of honor responsible for keeping the checks for you while you're on your honeymoon -- they can even deposit them into your account for you, as long as they make a list of who gave you what first!
http://www.southshoreweddings.com/topic/109.htm
yea, that's how it should be. dont worry about it 
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Posted 7/5/04 9:44 PM
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LadyPrincess
My Alpha & Omega,My Love
Member since 2/04 8881 total posts
Wedding Date:
3/5/2005 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Ariana WaterFall
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Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts
i agree that it maybe easier to cash in 1 name.
You both have the idea - "its Our Money"
so dont sweat how it becomes ' our money'
For our e-party - checks came in his name and some in my name.
IMO
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Posted 7/5/04 9:52 PM
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Rob-luvs-me
It's A Sickness!
Member since 10/02 5027 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/24/2004 4:30 PM
Wed. Location:
The Cherry Valley Club
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Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts
If it helps - at the wedding we got 1/3 made out to me, 1/3 made out to DH, and 1/3 made out to both of us.
Oh and the two checks we got before the wedding were made one to me and one to both of us.
I think people don't follow any hard fast rule - they just make them out and don't think twice about it.
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Posted 7/6/04 9:50 AM
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Niecey
Time for a change...
Member since 6/01 5966 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/26/2002 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
North Ritz Club
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Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts
Posted by Rob-luvs-me
If it helps - at the wedding we got 1/3 made out to me, 1/3 made out to DH, and 1/3 made out to both of us.
Oh and the two checks we got before the wedding were made one to me and one to both of us.
I think people don't follow any hard fast rule - they just make them out and don't think twice about it.
I had very similar. I know I never think about this - sometimes I write to the groom (if I know him better) or sometime to the couple. With woman not always changing teh name and such - I never know what to write...so whatever I decide at the moment I write.
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Posted 7/6/04 10:14 AM
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tourist
Beyond Obsession
Member since 12/03 9094 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/9/2004 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Milleridge Carriage House
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Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts
I never know. I write it to both & always worry they won't be able to cash/deposit it.
people here have mentioned before they just write it to the groom to make it easier to deposit.
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Posted 7/6/04 10:53 AM
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tourist
Beyond Obsession
Member since 12/03 9094 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/9/2004 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Milleridge Carriage House
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Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts
Posted by LadyPrincess
i agree that it maybe easier to cash in 1 name.
You both have the idea - "its Our Money"
so dont sweat how it becomes ' our money'
Well said.
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Posted 7/6/04 10:54 AM
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