Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts

What is proper etiquette for checks written as wedding gifts - bride OR groom's name or both names?

Edited for clarification. Just want to know the proper etiquette. Thank you!

Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts

I can understand you being annoyed - esp since this is the wedding present, not engagement check. But don't worry about it - it will prob be easier to deposit if it's just in his name right now. We've gotten a lot with just my name but I also think it's because Fh's last name is tough and people aren't sure how to spell it!! ha ha

Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts

this would 'irk' me perhaps, but i would get over it REAL quick...

perhaps they view the check cashing process easier with only one name?

the fact that they sent it early would not bother me at all, as it's one less thing for someone to think about and handle come the big day...

gift etiquette shmetiquette, be happy they thought of you

Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts

Maybe they were afraid that you would have trouble cashing it at the bank if both of your signed your married name. This actually happened to my frined who had trouble depositing her checks after the wedding!! I would not be upset!!

Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts

OK, I totally appreciate the responses, but I said that I am not upset about it being sent early and I am 'over' it insofar as it was just the last thing said that threw our argument about other things over the edge, i.e., the argument was so not about the stupid check, but it was the scapegoat for the underlying issues basically.

I just want to know what the rules of etiquette say, not necessary what the thought was behind it. I appreciate the gift a great deal, so it's definitely not about that. I'm looking to settle an etiquette disagreement only.

Thanks.

Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts

I found this online:

QUICK TIPS
If anyone asks, checks before the wedding should be made out to the bride OR groom (i.e., they should use the bride's maiden name, if she's planning to change it). After the wedding, checks should be made out to bride AND groom. This just makes cashing 'em easier, and it's also the traditional way it's done. As far as checks brought to the reception -- put someone in charge of collecting them. The best man is a good bet. You might even want to make him and the maid of honor responsible for keeping the checks for you while you're on your honeymoon -- they can even deposit them into your account for you, as long as they make a list of who gave you what first!


http://www.southshoreweddings.com/topic/109.htm

Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts

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Posted by julz33

After the wedding, checks should be made out to bride AND groom. This just makes cashing 'em easier, and it's also the traditional way it's done.

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OK, so I wasn't entirely right in that since it's before the wedding, it makes a difference, even if it's only a week before, but I thought it was traditional that checks are supposed to be made to both.

Thanks. I guess it could go either way.

Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts

I wouldn't think twice about writing the check out to just the bride or the groom, in fact I've done this very thing. I feel it makes it easier to cash since I don't know what the couple's banking situation is. I would never be upset about a check being written out to just FI's name. It is clearly a gift for both of you. I think I would let this one go, sounds like you are being a bit too sensitive on this one.

Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts

Thanks. I have let it go. I'm now just curious about the proper etiquette. I have no compunction about telling FH that I was wrong if I was wrong.

Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts

Good for you!

Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts

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Posted by julz33

I found this online:

QUICK TIPS
If anyone asks, checks before the wedding should be made out to the bride OR groom (i.e., they should use the bride's maiden name, if she's planning to change it). After the wedding, checks should be made out to bride AND groom. This just makes cashing 'em easier, and it's also the traditional way it's done. As far as checks brought to the reception -- put someone in charge of collecting them. The best man is a good bet. You might even want to make him and the maid of honor responsible for keeping the checks for you while you're on your honeymoon -- they can even deposit them into your account for you, as long as they make a list of who gave you what first!


http://www.southshoreweddings.com/topic/109.htm

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yea, that's how it should be. dont worry about it

Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts

i agree that it maybe easier to cash in 1 name.

You both have the idea - 'its Our Money'

so dont sweat how it becomes ' our money'

For our e-party - checks came in his name and some in my name.


IMO

Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts

If it helps - at the wedding we got 1/3 made out to me, 1/3 made out to DH, and 1/3 made out to both of us.

Oh and the two checks we got before the wedding were made one to me and one to both of us.

I think people don't follow any hard fast rule - they just make them out and don't think twice about it.

Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts

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Posted by Rob-luvs-me

If it helps - at the wedding we got 1/3 made out to me, 1/3 made out to DH, and 1/3 made out to both of us.

Oh and the two checks we got before the wedding were made one to me and one to both of us.

I think people don't follow any hard fast rule - they just make them out and don't think twice about it.

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I had very similar. I know I never think about this - sometimes I write to the groom (if I know him better) or sometime to the couple. With woman not always changing teh name and such - I never know what to write...so whatever I decide at the moment I write.

Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts

I never know. I write it to both & always worry they won't be able to cash/deposit it.

people here have mentioned before they just write it to the groom to make it easier to deposit.

Re: Please help me settle an argument about gift etiquette re: monetary gifts

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Posted by LadyPrincess

i agree that it maybe easier to cash in 1 name.

You both have the idea - 'its Our Money'

so dont sweat how it becomes ' our money'

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Well said.