Need advice on telling parents about the house....

ok, we are about to go to contract on the house we found. We already had the inspection which went well, aside from a few minor things to fix. The area is a good area, with really good elementary schools, and its in nassau so its close to our family.......

heres the problem,
I know my mother, and I know that she will NOT like the house. I know she will not like the area & town, and she will not like the house itself.(she only likes very select areas that are above our price range) I know that when I tell her she will probably scream for a while, and probably would want to go to the house and try to convince them not to sell to us. So the dilema is, I need to tell them about the house, AND not tell them what street it is, and what area, only tell them the town...... that is the only way we will not be paranoid each day about her going to the sellers to wreck the deal.....

How do i do this?...... i need to be prepared ahead of time when i talk to them......

Re: Need advice on telling parents about the house....

Emily - I am so sorry that you have to deal with something like this!!!!!!

I don't have any advice for you but just offering hugs to you and Mike. I will pray that everything works out for you both and that it all goes smoothly with your mom.

Re: Need advice on telling parents about the house....

I am also sorry you have to go through this.
I would tell her you found a house and it is in so and so town. Tell her you don't want to jinx anything by showing it to everyone because youheard of all the things that can go wrong before closing and you don't want to get her hopes up... so you will take her to see if after closing? I don't know if this would work. It is the only thing I can think of!

My mom is kinda the same way... she wouldn't go there and convine people not to sell us a house, but she always complains about everything I choose. I learned to just ignore her and not let her influence my decisions. We found this apartment in our home town, a big one bedroom, will aloow us to have our dog, and is under 1K including everything except for phone. Sounds great to us but she has a problem that there is wood paneling up in the bedroom. The homeowner said if it is too dark for us we can paint it or do whatever, but he plans on leaving it. She has such a major problem with that she keeps carrying on!

Re: Need advice on telling parents about the house....

Sign the contract... get your signed copy from the seller. Then tell her.

It wont matter if you tell them about the street because once the contract is signed... there isn't any way she can nix the deal.

Re: Need advice on telling parents about the house....

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Posted by DjPiLL

It wont matter if you tell them about the street because once the contract is signed... there isn't any way she can nix the deal.

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is there any way for the seller to back out after the contract before closing?
i still dont feel comfortable giving the address because if she actually did go to the owners and try to do that i dont know what i would do..... any respect would be out the window then

Re: Need advice on telling parents about the house....

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Posted by julz33


My mom is kinda the same way... she wouldn't go there and convine people not to sell us a house, but she always complains about everything I choose. I learned to just ignore her and not let her influence my decisions. We found this apartment in our home town, a big one bedroom, will aloow us to have our dog, and is under 1K including everything except for phone. Sounds great to us but she has a problem that there is wood paneling up in the bedroom. The homeowner said if it is too dark for us we can paint it or do whatever, but he plans on leaving it. She has such a major problem with that she keeps carrying on!

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sounds like my mother maybe they are sisters.....

ive tried to tell them in the past that I would like to live in east meadow, and she doesnt want to hear it, she keeps pushing these other towns(all above our price range too)... she also thinks we should put ALL our money into the house and leave like 5k or less in savings.....sure, dont plan for if your company may lay off people...

Re: Need advice on telling parents about the house....

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Posted by butterfly20

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Posted by DjPiLL

It wont matter if you tell them about the street because once the contract is signed... there isn't any way she can nix the deal.

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is there any way for the seller to back out after the contract before closing?
i still dont feel comfortable giving the address because if she actually did go to the owners and try to do that i dont know what i would do..... any respect would be out the window then

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You can fight it if the seller backs out... but if the seller wants out of the contract... they can get out pretty easily.

Besides... who is buying this house? You? Or your mom?

If your mom is that crazy that she would actually go to the seller's house to block this sale... you probably should not have picked this house in the first place unfortunately.

If you are that sure you want to get a house without her approval... you might want to move out... get your own rental place where she can't get involved... and then do what you want.

Sucks... but there really isn't any way around it.

Re: Need advice on telling parents about the house....

Another thing... if your mom wants so much to do with where you are living... forget taking her advice. I'd be like 'show me the money'.

Re: Need advice on telling parents about the house....

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Posted by DjPiLL

If your mom is that crazy that she would actually go to the seller's house to block this sale... you probably should not have picked this house in the first place unfortunately.

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she does not like any houses that are in our price range. first she says commack is nice, we find a house in commack casually mention it, then she goes commack is too far, you'll never see your family then....we also came very close to living in smithtown too....

in nassau county the ONLY towns she likes are manhasset, east williston, garden city, jericho, and bethpage......every day she keeps saying bethpage

we definately do not have the money to live in those towns... so basically she is capable of going to ANY house that we pick.....we found a house in a good town, with all the things we want in a house so we are very happy with it... we are picking the house for us, not for her.

Re: Need advice on telling parents about the house....

Exactly what you said...

we found a house in a good town, with all the things we want in a house so we are very happy with it... we are picking the house for us, not for her.


Is what you should tell your mother!!!

I hope it works out for you...

Re: Need advice on telling parents about the house....

I'm sorry your mom is doing this.

I am appalled that anyone's mother would be so callous as to complain about the house you have chosen to live in. Of course if you wanted to live in a crack house, I'd be wary too (LOL) but I'm sure you picked a nice house in a nice town. E. Meadow is a nice area, central to alot of places. Sounds more like she's having a hard time seeing you leave 'the nest' and is complaining as a reaction. But to actually go to the house and try to get the seller to back off from selling to you? Do you really think she'd do that? And if so, I'm just so shocked that anyone's parent would actually do something like that. So I'm sorry that you have to deal with that. House buying is stressful enough.

I would not tell your mom the exact location either until you actually close. I think the seller can still back out of a contract.

I was going to suggest telling your RE agent or their RE agent that your mom gets carried away at times and may try to influence the seller's decision to sell to you but please ignore her. But they might find that odd.

Plus - if your mom ends up finding out and complains away, tell it to her straight - you want a house, you can't afford the Gold Coast of Long Island or anything over X dollars. This is your first home, probably not the one you'll live in forever but for now it's in a good area with good schools and you're buying it and if she doesn't like it, well she doesn't have to visit you now does she?

Sounds mean but sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. Maybe she'll see things clearer once you stand up to her.

Good luck

Re: Need advice on telling parents about the house....

That’s a tough one.

I guess you could say “We’re looking at a house in [town] the inspection came back good, the schools are good and it’s a great starter house for us” Leave an out. Real Estate is such a big deal. You could always lean towards letting her believe it’s only temporary. That you guys, once more settled, will probably move to a town much like the ones she would normally recommend. Put a positive spin on the idea that you guys are earning equity and such.

Ultimately, if I understand you, you just want her to lay low until the deal is complete. It’s not like you’re lying, you could very well move at some point in the near future. Real Estate is a an important investment for the future and it’s not like you’re saying that once you buy this house you’ll be forced to stay no matter what for the rest of your lives.

Good Luck with this.

Good luck to you and mike on the house too! Once you’re in, you guys make the choice to stay or leave. There’s not much she can do then except express her feelings about your choice, but by then the choice is done.

Re: Need advice on telling parents about the house....

veronica, we actually dont plan on moving from the house. but mike and i did talk about it, and its a house we could easily sell if we wanted to, so it wouldnt be a starter house, and thats probably the way my mom will have to look at it if she decides to accept the house