How thinks this is a bad idea?

My FIL want my FH and I to live with them after we are married. They have a big house and we would have are own bedroom, bathroom, and sitting room. They feel that renting is a waste of money, and their house is so big that we should just live their and save are money for a house. At first it sounded like a good idea, but now I am dead set on not doing this. My family and friends tell me not to do it, and my FH agrees with me too. We are not getting married for another year and eight months, but this bothers me all the time. Especially since they always tell everyone we are moving in. How do we tell them we don't want to move in.

Re: How thinks this is a bad idea?

I don't think it's a good idea to move in with them. Since it isn't your home you will never feel 100% comfortable.

Perhaps tell them you are grateful for the offer, but the two of you would like to have your own place to call home.

Re: How thinks this is a bad idea?

Both of our parents have offered to let us live with them after we are married to save money....our answer...thanks but no thanks....personally, and this is just my opinion, but i see no reason to get married if we are still going to be at home....nothing would be different

Re: How thinks this is a bad idea?

IMO, you should not live with anybody when you are newlyweds. I would rather live in a shack and pay rent for it, then live with either my parents or his parents. ESPECIALLY HIS PARENTS!!! I don't think it's healthy for a marriage that is fragile in the beginning anyway. LIving with other people could really put a damper on being newlyweds. That's JMHO

Re: How thinks this is a bad idea?

We live with FH's mom and sister. It's good for us, because the house has 3 separate apartments on 3 different flors (It's a 3 family house). So it's like we live in an apartment all on our own.

But I don't recommend living with Fh's family unless you have completely separate living quarters. If it's a 1 family house, it's definitely not a good idea.

Make sure you tread lightly in this. Oviously his family loves you and remember THAT is a positive. If you make explain it as a positive for both sides that you have your own place, maybe FIL's will come to see things your way.

Re: How thinks this is a bad idea?

Personally I would never live with my in-laws or my parents after being married...I would not feel comfortable & knowing it is not my place would urk me! It is also has something to do with responsiblity in my mind. I know it is really expensive for couples starting out to have a place of their own, but when you do, it shows that you are responsible! JMO

Re: How thinks this is a bad idea?

I thought it was a good idea in the beginning but, I know its not now. We will both be 26 when we get married and neither of us have ever lived on are own. I wont my own place, my own kitchen, my own Christmas tree. I don't want to look in the basement and see all my shower gifts collecting dust. The in-laws don't understand are view. My FH and I don't get it. They both were out of their homes by 21 and 23.

Re: How thinks this is a bad idea?

Just tell them that you appreciate their generous offer but prefer to live in your own apartment. Don't leave it open for discussion and don't leave any outs like...we'll reconsider it or something like that.

Re: How thinks this is a bad idea?

we have lived with my family for 3 years now. we have no more than our own bedroom. DH is almost done with school, we are in no debt, and have saved all my paychecks towards our house. Some might think living with parents is a rocky way to start, but for us being in debt would have been even rockier than a meddling mother in law every now and then. It is not a dream, but our real dream is to have no debt, degrees and a house, with the option for me to sah with our future kids. give it a lot of consideration HTH

Re: How thinks this is a bad idea?

i am living with my in-laws now. We just closed on our house a month after being married. We are staying with them for an additional month while we do some renovation on the house. It has not been bad at all living here. My MIL is awesome. When I first moved in I bought groceries for us and she yelled at me that I am not to buy anything or spend any money while living there! Now she goes and buys me my special food every week. They are so sweet. I guess it depends on if you inlaws are bearable or not. We are probably moving in to our house next week though

Re: How thinks this is a bad idea?

I agree with all the reasons above to NOT move in with the FILs.

But I will tell you that a good friend of mine did...and over the course of one year, saved $30,000 which was the reason they were able to buy a gorgeous house recently.

Re: How thinks this is a bad idea?

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Posted by RVCBride

IMO, you should not live with anybody when you are newlyweds. I would rather live in a shack and pay rent for it, then live with either my parents or his parents. ESPECIALLY HIS PARENTS!!! I don't think it's healthy for a marriage that is fragile in the beginning anyway. LIving with other people could really put a damper on being newlyweds. That's JMHO

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I couldn't agree more!!!

Re: How thinks this is a bad idea?

I agree, Id rather pay rent or live in the tiniest house in the baddest area than have me and my FH live with his parents or my own!!! To me it defeats he purpose of being married..but i guess you gotta do what you gotta do.

Re: How thinks this is a bad idea?

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Posted by JacnRob729

Both of our parents have offered to let us live with them after we are married to save money....our answer...thanks but no thanks....personally, and this is just my opinion, but i see no reason to get married if we are still going to be at home....nothing would be different

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Agree 100%

JMHO

Re: How thinks this is a bad idea?

I own my own house - and unfortunately, my mom lived with us - up until recently, when she has quasi-moved in with her boyfriend of 11 years. At first, I didn't see anything wrong with my mom living with us - mostly because I had always lived with her, and had always taken care of her ever since she and my dad divorced 17 years ago. As the years went on (FI and I have been together for almost 4 years), I began to see how unhealthy it was for us as a couple. The dynamics were never natural, and we rarely got the opportunity to interact the way we wanted to.....but I never wanted to kick my mom out!

Luckily, her new job is closer to boyffriend than it is to me, so she's rarely home - and it's been the best 3 weeks of our lives!!! We used to live for her 2 week vacations in May when we'd have 14 continuous days alone - but now we have that every day!!!

Based on my experience (which I know is a bit different), I wouldn't recommend living with them.

Good luck!!!

Re: How thinks this is a bad idea?

I have to say I think it's sounds like a great way to save $$. It would be tough but if you all get along, I think six months to year could mean a huge savings to you guys. Just my two cents!

Re: How thinks this is a bad idea?

I think it is so worth it if you can SAVE, SAVE, SAVE and buy a house sooner. Its a very nice offer.



Good Luck. Think

Re: How thinks this is a bad idea?

Well, since you didn't ask if we thought this was a good idea, but did ask how to tell your FILs that you are declining their offer, I will try to actually answer your question....

Tell them that their offer is very generous, but that you would feel more comfortable starting your marriage out on your own. End of story. If they mention it to other people, that is their problem. They are the ones that will have to explain when you're not living with them. I wouldn't worry about it. Good luck.

Re: How thinks this is a bad idea?

Ughhh, I'm in the same boat! FH and I are going to take the apartment in FMIL house till ours is finished being built! I think it'll be alright, it's only for a short time. Plus I have my own entrance and EXIT (LOL)! You do what you have to do. I wouldn't do it unless I had my own kitchen though, and my OWN designated space.

Re: How thinks this is a bad idea?

DONT DO IT!!!!!! (Unless absolutely nessesary) Good luck!