Wedding Gift Question - A surprise wedding

Hi All,

I was looking for your opinions here.

I got married early October; a coworker/friend of mine came to my shower and my wedding. She gave about a 40.00 shower gift and 200.00 wedding gift for her and her fiance.

She has been with her fiance for a year or so now; and we talked about getting married, and she had flipped between eloping, having a big party, etc (I think as all of us do/did.)

Well, early last week she came to me and asked me to setup a 'secret' website for her. I said OK, what about, since I need some info to set it up. She said that she was getting married on Saturday at her home. She told her family and friends that it was her engagement party but then as a surprise they were going to get married when everyone gets there.

Needless to say, I was not invited to the engagement party; and only when I sent her the information regarding the website I set up for her she said "oh, if you and your husband want to come thats OK.."

Needless to say; we did not go - it just didnt feel right. I know at least 2 other people from the office knew about it and were going to the wedding.

I'm kind of peeved that she didnt invite me from the beginning; which I can get over, no big deal. But now I feel like I have to give a gift since she gave me a gift, even though I would not have known about this unless she needed something from me.

1. Do I give a gift?
2. How much?

TIA!

Re: Wedding Gift Question - A surprise wedding

Well, If you have been friendly with her I would say give a gift but not as much as she gave you.

I have given gifts to co-workers who got married even if I wasn't invited.

ETA I think $100 would be good but if you aren't that close then maybe pick out a gift from a store. Good Luck

Message edited 11/28/2004 10:49:03 PM.

Re: Wedding Gift Question - A surprise wedding

Did you make the website for her as a favor, or did you charge her? I don't know, considering the odd circumstances, how you were pretty much not invited, but then invited because you kind of had to be, I might just consider the website a gift. Or I'd buy a gift from her registry.

Re: Wedding Gift Question - A surprise wedding

i'd probably get a gift.. but nothing too extravagent.

Re: Wedding Gift Question - A surprise wedding

i would give at least 150

Re: Wedding Gift Question - A surprise wedding

I think that you should give at least 150.00 .
Also you are coworkers and not really close personal friends so it was YOUR decision to invite her and she came and bought a gracious gift..she could have declined. It is human nature to expect her to invite you to her wedding but by no means is it something that she SHOULD do since your relationship is professional.

Re: Wedding Gift Question - A surprise wedding

I would say what ever she gave you and your husband you should give the same amount back.so yes I would give a gift.