VENT: Why is it that everyone seems to think that their wedding is an excuse . . .

OK, yes, I'm a bride, hopefully NOT a bridezilla - but I'm also a bridesMAID and a guest at several weddings as well. I really have to vent here: Why is it, that so many people seem to think their wedding, shower, bachelorette party ETC., is an excuse for them to totally act like selfish neurotic crazy people without regards to other people's feelings or concerns?

It's getting old. Anyone else have this problem with this kind of behavior?

Re: VENT: Why is it that everyone seems to think that their wedding is an excuse . . .

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Posted by 12-3Princess

OK, yes, I'm a bride, hopefully NOT a bridezilla - but I'm also a bridesMAID and a guest at several weddings as well. I really have to vent here: Why is it, that so many people seem to think their wedding, shower, bachelorette party ETC., is an excuse for them to totally act like selfish neurotic crazy people without regards to other people's feelings or concerns?

It's getting old. Anyone else have this problem with this kind of behavior?

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Because that is the traditional thinking from what I'm told. My (now married) stepsister told me that my wedding is my chance to be a princess and totally self absord and nobody can get angry about it. I'm not even kidding. She really thinks that is how brides are to act - and nobody is supposed to get pissed.

Re: VENT: Why is it that everyone seems to think that their wedding is an excuse . . .

I understand this being a special time, but I really think that people need to remember that a wedding is about the person you are marrying and sharing a special day with people you love and care about. Wow, I would never consider this a time that I should be as selfish as possible and force others to deal with it! I really think that people should consider the fact that they want to have friends AFTER the wedding as well. Just my opinion though.

Does everyone on here really think this kind of behavior is appropriate?

Re: VENT: Why is it that everyone seems to think that their wedding is an excuse . . .

I think people get a little self-obessed.. and this becomes their entire existence-- is it one of my only extracurricular activities now- yes. Is it my life and do I expect it to be everyone else's- no (except maybe my mom ) I have experienced this with one or two friends- no one right now..

Actually- I sorta feel a little bridezilla like cause I have some maids who rarely acknowledge I am getting married-- so I feel like shouting to them- hello! getting married here!!!-- but that's a totally different thread.

Re: VENT: Why is it that everyone seems to think that their wedding is an excuse . . .

okay, I'm gonna venture and spin this around and also say that I think that people start off being considerate and trying to take everyone else's needs/wants in consideration, but then what happens a lot of the time is that EVERYONE has an opinion, request, issue, problem.... and before you know it, your wedding has somehow become about everyone else and making everyone else happy and less and less about you and your FH. I do think that you need a list of priorities, and your family and bridal party need to be at the top of the list, but at the same time, I think that people need to be a bit more flexible and realize how much stress the bride and groom already have and try to make it as less stressful for them instead of adding to it.

Re: VENT: Why is it that everyone seems to think that their wedding is an excuse . . .

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Posted by Sunshine128

okay, I'm gonna venture and spin this around and also say that I think that people start off being considerate and trying to take everyone else's needs/wants in consideration, but then what happens a lot of the time is that EVERYONE has an opinion, request, issue, problem.... and before you know it, your wedding has somehow become about everyone else and making everyone else happy and less and less about you and your FH. I do think that you need a list of priorities, and your family and bridal party need to be at the top of the list, but at the same time, I think that people need to be a bit more flexible and realize how much stress the bride and groom already have and try to make it as less stressful for them instead of adding to it.

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Well said

I find myself being pulled in all directions with every other person telling me they like this or that... or they would like this or that... and making faces or comments at the types of decisions we have made (for example having a DJ instead of a band - well helllloooooooooo out there, bands cost a lot of money and I prefer to put that $$ elsewhere).

In the end, its our wedding. It is about the bride and groom... and if making sure that the day is just that makes you BRIDEZILLA.... then here's to all the BRIDEZILLAS out there!

But really, I am not saying that there arent extremes... because there are and any extreme is not good. We all need to be considerate while still keeping focused on the important thing.... the union of two people who are in love.

Re: VENT: Why is it that everyone seems to think that their wedding is an excuse . . .

No one is saying that you need to accomodate everyone at your wedding - that would be insanity. But you also need to not run around acting like a selfish spoiled child just because this is 'your wedding' - I mean, let's be realistic. Of course it is your day, but don't take advantage of it. There is a line between doing what is best for you and your FH, which is the most important thing, and then dragging everyone through the mud in the name of this being 'your day.'

No one should go around making comments about what date you set (believe me, I even got comments about what my 'rush' was - meanwhile my wedding date was 11 months away!), or your location, your band, dj, what you're registering for (why 12 plates, are you going to have 10 kids? yes, I got that too), or anything else. This little vent was not about that kind of stuff - that is another whole thread that I could go on and on about.

However, this vent was about people taking things to another extreme. I can see how some of you that would read it would take it that way, since I was not specific as to what is going on in my particular situation. However, I CANNOT get into specifics on here b/c it might be read by people it's about! (Everyone and their mom is getting married this year). Therefore, let's just say, I agree it's your day. But I think everyone needs to remember that when it comes to certain things, your wedding should not be used as an excuse to act like a self-centered child. That's all I'm saying. I know that it is difficult to deal with everyone, but mature individuals can handle doing what THEY WANT and need to do, without crossing the line into an area when no one likes you after your wedding... know what I mean?

Re: VENT: Why is it that everyone seems to think that their wedding is an excuse . . .

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Posted by Sunshine128

okay, I'm gonna venture and spin this around and also say that I think that people start off being considerate and trying to take everyone else's needs/wants in consideration, but then what happens a lot of the time is that EVERYONE has an opinion, request, issue, problem.... and before you know it, your wedding has somehow become about everyone else and making everyone else happy and less and less about you and your FH. I do think that you need a list of priorities, and your family and bridal party need to be at the top of the list, but at the same time, I think that people need to be a bit more flexible and realize how much stress the bride and groom already have and try to make it as less stressful for them instead of adding to it.

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I think this is a great notion and likely the case with you and those you know. However, I can vouch that there are people who absolutely act the way 12-3 Princess is describing. The concept of empathy is lost on these brides. They b*tch about things they're made to do for other people's weddings but when it comes to their own they think no holds barred.

Re: VENT: Why is it that everyone seems to think that their wedding is an excuse . . .

not but it's true - it's your day and some feel that since it's their 'princess for a day' day that they can treat people like crap. i understand wanting things to be perfect but there's a certain point where things get out of hand and it depends on how you treat people to get things done. you treat me like crap and i'm more tempted to tell you to go &*!@

Re: VENT: Why is it that everyone seems to think that their wedding is an excuse . . .

I don't know. When it finally came to the point that I had to tell my DH that I felt like I was simply paying for his mother's wedding (everything had to be her way, or she would go into a complete, sobbing hysteria), we both agreed that from that point forward, the decisions would be ours and we would not open ourselves up for negotiation.

that being said, I did 99% of EVERYTHING for my wedding completely on my own. It was a VERY rare occurance for me to ask anyone for help. And, it was pretty rare that anyone offered help. And, in retrospect, I honestly can't believe how little our friends and family cared to help us. Again, I didn't ask and they didn't offer. I have just always been the type to offer to help others. So, I was surprised that only a SMALL amount of people returned the favor...