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AJsMommy122
Happily Ever After!
Member since 12/03 10711 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/20/2005 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
SandCastle
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Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do?? *** Updated at bottom ***
My dad and I used to be VERY close. Daddys little girl and the whole bit. But a year and a half ago something STUPID happened and we got into a big fight and havent really spoken since.
My moms boyfriend on the other hand has been around constantly in my life for the last 5 years. We get along very well.
Well at my fh's request I sent my dad an invitation to the wedding. He rsvpd YES!!! I am so happy and excited and shocked!! He even called me and we spoke a little...not really about the wedding.
Sooo now everyone has an opinion on what I should do. My mom has been asking me for a year to dance with her boyfriend but I kept telling her no I didnt feel right.
Now that my dad is all of a sudden in the picture alot of people are telling me that I should dance with my dad... nothing mushy or whatever but should do something.
Now my situation is I dont want my moms boyfriend to feel like crap. He has been there all along and I wont dance with him but my dad pops back into my life a month before the wedding and I dance with him??
Do I dance with both???
My brother is walking me down the aisle but he is only 15 and really dosent want to dance with me in front of all our guests.
Sorry so long!! Please help!!
Message edited 1/18/2005 2:41:21 PM.
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Posted 1/18/05 12:08 PM 
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littlewilson
Board Fanatic
Member since 12/03 341 total posts
Wedding Date:
3/27/2004 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Tribeca Rooftop
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do??
How about dancing with both - not an "official", announced dance or anything, and doesn't have to be for an entire song.
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Posted 1/18/05 12:10 PM
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WinterBride2005
Almost here....
Member since 10/03 1608 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/25/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do??
I think it would be nice to dance with your dad- annouced- and then have a seperate dance with your mother's BF- unannounced.
What do you feel like doing?
Message edited 1/18/2005 12:20:29 PM.
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Posted 1/18/05 12:20 PM
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AJsMommy122
Happily Ever After!
Member since 12/03 10711 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/20/2005 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
SandCastle
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do??
Posted by WinterBride2005
I think it would be nice to dance with your dad- annouced- and then have a seperate dance with your mother's BF- unannounced.
What do you feel like doing?
Right about now.... banging my head against a brick wall 
I dont even know what I want to do. I just dont want to hurt or offended anyone.
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Posted 1/18/05 12:21 PM
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CubanBride
Yay! I am married!
Member since 6/04 4006 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/22/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Leonard's of Great Neck
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do??
Your mom's boyfriend has only been in your life for 5 years. You dad has been in your life your whole life, except for the past 1 1/2 years. Dance wth your dad. It seems as if that is who you really want to dance with. It doesn't matter if your dad was out of your life for awhile. He obviously loves you and you love him, so leave it at that. No need to complicate things.
You can also dance with your mom's boyfriend. It doesn't have to be an either or situations. Or you don't have to dance with either of them. YOu cannot worry about offending people because no matter what you do, someone will be pissed off.
Message edited 1/18/2005 12:25:10 PM.
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Posted 1/18/05 12:24 PM
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FrescaBride
Dance Like No One Is Watching!
Member since 3/04 2513 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/30/2005 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Woodbury Country Club (10+++)
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do??
I actually went to a wedding where the parents are divorced. The bride danced with her father and then she dance right after with her step dad because they were both important in her life. I personally thought it was a nice way to handle it and no one will feel left out or feel bad.
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Posted 1/18/05 12:28 PM
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littlebookworm4
Old and married
Member since 10/03 4789 total posts
Wedding Date:
11/18/2005 7:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Thatched Cottage
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do??
Posted by WinterBride2005
I think it would be nice to dance with your dad- annouced- and then have a seperate dance with your mother's BF- unannounced.
What do you feel like doing?
that's what I was thinking...
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Posted 1/18/05 12:43 PM
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Kriss2c
Don't pet the sweaty things!!
Member since 1/04 4830 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/18/2004 11:00 AM
Wed. Location:
**
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do??
Posted by littlewilson
How about dancing with both - not an "official", announced dance or anything, and doesn't have to be for an entire song.
DH did this with his mom. DH and his mom were having problems but cleared them up just before the wedding. He didn't want a parental dance, but he and his mom danced together as an impromtu kind of thing.
Wow, you are so close!!! How does it feel??
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Posted 1/18/05 12:59 PM
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Bunnymonkey
Feels like home to me...
Member since 6/04 4861 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/11/2005 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Raphael Vineyards
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do??
I would say Dance with your Dad. There are alot of father figures in my life who i love and who have been there for me, but at the end of the day, my Dad is my Dad - same goes for you. If you had never known him, it would be one thing, but don't let your fight (1.5 years is small in the scheme of your whole life) affect what could be a "re-bonding" moment with him.
Set aside a special dance, unannounced for your moms boyfriend.
Thats how I would handle it.
Good Luck!
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Posted 1/18/05 2:18 PM
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SomethingBlu
Enjoying the journey...
Member since 10/04 10523 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/27/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Jericho Terrace - A+
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do??
Posted by CubanBride
Your mom's boyfriend has only been in your life for 5 years. You dad has been in your life your whole life, except for the past 1 1/2 years. Dance wth your dad. It seems as if that is who you really want to dance with. It doesn't matter if your dad was out of your life for awhile. He obviously loves you and you love him, so leave it at that. No need to complicate things.
You can also dance with your mom's boyfriend. It doesn't have to be an either or situations. Or you don't have to dance with either of them. YOu cannot worry about offending people because no matter what you do, someone will be pissed off.
Wow, I agree with Cuban 100%. So well put! 
Do what your heart tells you sweetie, someone, somewhere will always disagree.
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Posted 1/18/05 2:22 PM
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LMFitz
Baby The Dog!!
Member since 10/04 1501 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/5/2006 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Crescent Beach Club
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do??
What is your FH doing? I only ask this because if he is dancing with his mom, people may expect your dance with dad/step-dad next. If he isn't doing a formal dance, you can just dance informally with each of them. I'm in a similar situation, and if FH is dancing with his mom, I'd dance with both, so as to respect each.
Your day, your decision...good luck!
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Posted 1/18/05 2:28 PM
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Bebalina
HAPPY HOMEOWNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 1/04 4893 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/14/2005 3:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Crest Hollow Country Club 10+++++++++++++++
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do??
Posted by CubanBride
Your mom's boyfriend has only been in your life for 5 years. You dad has been in your life your whole life, except for the past 1 1/2 years. Dance wth your dad. It seems as if that is who you really want to dance with. It doesn't matter if your dad was out of your life for awhile. He obviously loves you and you love him, so leave it at that. No need to complicate things.
You can also dance with your mom's boyfriend. It doesn't have to be an either or situations. Or you don't have to dance with either of them. YOu cannot worry about offending people because no matter what you do, someone will be pissed off.
well said.
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Posted 1/18/05 2:28 PM
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AJsMommy122
Happily Ever After!
Member since 12/03 10711 total posts
Wedding Date:
2/20/2005 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
SandCastle
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do??
Thanks everyone for all your opinions!
I just called my dad to tell him where the guys were all renting the tux's from. Well he said he isnt wearing a tux!! Hes wearing a suit to his only daughters wedding.
He didnt bring up the dancing or walking in the room or walking me down the aisle or anything. In fact he rushed off the phone.
I am not doing the father daughter dance with either of them. I will beg my little brother who is walking me down the aisle to dance with me. 
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Posted 1/18/05 2:40 PM
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gNi1125
Caught my lobster!
Member since 1/05 6243 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/4/2006 1:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Russo's on The Bay
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do?? *** Updated at bottom ***
Maybe he is waiting for you to ask him for the dance. Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable assuming that he will dance with you when you two didn't speak for a while. Don't worry. Everything will turn out fine. You are fortunate to have your dad, mom's bf and brother. 
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Posted 1/18/05 2:49 PM
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t
HELLO
Member since 7/04 2244 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/8/1996 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Huntington Townehouse
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do?? *** Updated at bottom ***
if you want to dance with your dad and it would mean something to you, just do it. No matter what he is your dad. Father figure or not. there would be memories for years to come. He might feel uncomfortable bring it up why dont you mention it to him, maybe you can come up to a nice solution togehter. Or, why dont you have your mother walk you down the aisle? She has been with you through out everything as I understand. JMO
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Posted 1/18/05 2:50 PM
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hbradio
Our board is gone :-(
Member since 11/03 9840 total posts
Wedding Date:
4/29/2005 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Chateau Briand
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do?? *** Updated at bottom ***
I am so sorry you are going through this. I am having family issues as well. Remember why you are getting married - to celebrate the love between yourself and Joe and not to please anyone else. Ask your brother and then if he wont do it then skip it all together.
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Posted 1/18/05 2:52 PM
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LMFitz
Baby The Dog!!
Member since 10/04 1501 total posts
Wedding Date:
5/5/2006 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
Crescent Beach Club
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do?? *** Updated at bottom ***
It's your day - go with what feels right for you. You're so busy considering everyone else's feelings, who worries about yours?
[PS - the answer is that you have to worry about your own feelings! ]
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Posted 1/18/05 2:57 PM
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akaMrsT
Formally Mrs. T -aka no longer
Member since 7/04 4000 total posts
Wedding Date:
3/30/2006 6:00 PM
Wed. Location:
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do?? *** Updated at bottom ***
Posted by Soon2bMsZ
Thanks everyone for all your opinions!
I just called my dad to tell him where the guys were all renting the tux's from. Well he said he isnt wearing a tux!! Hes wearing a suit to his only daughters wedding.
He didnt bring up the dancing or walking in the room or walking me down the aisle or anything. In fact he rushed off the phone.
I am not doing the father daughter dance with either of them. I will beg my little brother who is walking me down the aisle to dance with me.
Sorry that you are going through this at such a great time in your life. I had a similar situation - HUGE fight with dad and we did not speak for ages - except once when I had to get medical insurance info from him since he was still paying for it at that time.
Long story short - my boyfriend at the time convinced me to invite my dad to my college graduation, he came and we eventually mended our relationship and we speak almost daily (sometimes a few times a day) which we had done before the HUGE fight.
I say approach your dad about wearing a tux and the father/daughter dance. It will be really important to you later in life to have that memory.
My dad called while I was typing this - he said to call your dad. "Dad's can be stuipid" and your dad "will regret not being a more significant part of the day." My dad also said he probably rushed you off the phone for something "totally unrelated" and he may have had to "use the bathroom" or anything.
And to not exclude your mom's boyfriend, you can dance with him too. My dad said he would not be offended if I danced with my mom's boyfriend (of 15 years).
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Posted 1/18/05 3:00 PM
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tourist
Beyond Obsession
Member since 12/03 9094 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/9/2004 4:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Milleridge Carriage House
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do?? *** Updated at bottom ***
edited, after I read your update.
we didnt' plan anything formal, for parent dances & we are close to our parents.
Don't force your brother. Just play it by ear & aske either one of them to dance when you are all caught up in the moment & feel like it ( and you will--I danced with everybody!)
Message edited 1/18/2005 3:05:42 PM.
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Posted 1/18/05 3:01 PM
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JimmysBride
Board Princess
Member since 7/03 10135 total posts
Wedding Date:
10/9/2004 12:00 AM
Wed. Location:
SandCastle
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do?? *** Updated at bottom ***
Tough decision to make definitely but I say dance with your Dad or dance with your Mom or dance with no one. Your Mom's boyfriend, as other people have said, has only been around for a few years... and as wonderful as he may be, the truth is, quite frankly he may not be around forever. Your father is your father and there is nothing anyone can do to change that.
If someday in the future you and your Dad patch things up for good, wouldn't you rather have had that dance with him on your one and only wedding day?
Now, that said... if he is being a real jerk about things... well, then I would say dance with your Mom or don't dance with anyone at all.
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Posted 1/18/05 3:05 PM
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Bunnymonkey
Feels like home to me...
Member since 6/04 4861 total posts
Wedding Date:
6/11/2005 5:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Raphael Vineyards
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do?? *** Updated at bottom ***
Posted by Soon2bMsZ
Thanks everyone for all your opinions!
I just called my dad to tell him where the guys were all renting the tux's from. Well he said he isnt wearing a tux!! Hes wearing a suit to his only daughters wedding.
He didnt bring up the dancing or walking in the room or walking me down the aisle or anything. In fact he rushed off the phone.
I am not doing the father daughter dance with either of them. I will beg my little brother who is walking me down the aisle to dance with me.
Did you tell him about the dance? I don't think this is the kind of thing he is going to bring up if he is unsure of where you two are at - this is yourt responsibility to mention. He may have rushed because he is nervous and doesn't know what to say...he may be your dad but he is STILL a man (read: still clueless when it comes to some things!)
i would give him a chance....
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Posted 1/18/05 3:17 PM
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shamrock12472
"I'm Addicted"
Member since 5/04 1280 total posts
Wedding Date:
9/17/2004 6:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Atlantis Marine World
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do?? *** Updated at bottom ***
Posted by Soon2bMsZ
Thanks everyone for all your opinions!
I just called my dad to tell him where the guys were all renting the tux's from. Well he said he isnt wearing a tux!! Hes wearing a suit to his only daughters wedding.
He didnt bring up the dancing or walking in the room or walking me down the aisle or anything. In fact he rushed off the phone.
I am not doing the father daughter dance with either of them. I will beg my little brother who is walking me down the aisle to dance with me.
This is coming from a daugther that had an extremely poor relationship with her father from many, many years. Until about 1 - 2 years prior to my wedding, my father was not involved with anything in my life. He woudn't come to holidays or specail events. He was just plain miserable to be around.
He did change and really tried to become a father in that he paid attention to all his children, acknowledged them and their special occassions and tried to become a family member again. My sister and I, being open hearted and forgiving, allowed him to be a part of the family. It has been very difficult for both of us to move on and let go of a lot of anger and resentment.
As my wedding approached, it was a difficult decison to have him walk me down the ailse and pick out a song to dance to. It was hard to do when it was happening.
The point I am making is that I am so happy that I made the choice to have my father walk me down the aisle with my mother and have a father/daughter dance. It is something that I will get to carry with me as a memory for the rest of my life. There won't be any regret in doing it, only in not doing it.
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Posted 1/18/05 3:20 PM
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JBKempf
A Wife & A Mom in the New Year
Member since 12/04 2021 total posts
Wedding Date:
12/31/2005 6:30 PM
Wed. Location:
Mediterranean Manor
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do?? *** Updated at bottom ***
I agree with this.
Posted by WinterBride2005
I think it would be nice to dance with your dad- annouced- and then have a seperate dance with your mother's BF- unannounced.
What do you feel like doing?
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Posted 1/18/05 3:31 PM
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FeliciaDA
I'm a Mommy!
Member since 12/03 11599 total posts
Wedding Date:
7/25/2004 1:00 PM
Wed. Location:
Thatched Cottage A+
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Re: Can you girls give me your opinions on what I should do?? *** Updated at bottom ***
Maxine - first of all plenty of to you. I'm sorry you even have to go thru this so close to your wedding 
I really think there is no 'right or wrong' in this scenario. Every situation is different, and every family is different . I dont think who you dance with truly matters in the end. What DOES matter is that you and Joe have the best wedding day possible, and that YOU, the bride, does not have to make any decisions that is going to cause you any additional anxiety on this day -- this wedding day that you've waited for your entire life, and have planned so perfectly for so long
That said - I think I would leave the subject of father/daughter dance alone for a little while - I would give this re-established relationship with Dad a chance to grow a little bit before asking him about the dance. As someone else duly noted, he is your Dad but also a MAN and I wouldn't take anything he says to heart right now. After all, it was only a month or two ago that you weren't even talking and you didn't even think your Dad was going to BE at your wedding, let alone dancing with you! So in that regard, I would just enjoy the fact that he is going to be there for you, and try not to worry about the 'wedding traditions and protocol" that too many of us brides worry about.
In the end, do whatever it is in your heart that will make YOU happy - and that would be to dance with whomever you want to, or with noone at all.
Most of all I do not want to see my friend upset on her wedding day! I have too many pictures to take of you, after all  
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Posted 1/18/05 4:05 PM
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