Re: Making Friends In Adulthood?

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Posted by TracyInQueens

I have a lot of anxiety about this, mainly since we will be moving to a town where we don't know anyone, and we'll be kind of far from our friends. DH and I are not the most outgoing people and I worry that we are going to be lonely with only each other. But I also worry that I'll meet people who a) won't like me at first and not give me a chance since I need a little time to really 'be myself' and be comfortable b) will only like me till they really get to know me and/or c) I won't like them and will find it very hard to extricate myself.

I know people I have met have found me standoffish and too quiet, and because of those experiences in the past I tend to shy away from people more. I don't want our future neighbors to think that of me, or my DH who is a lot like me in that way. And my experiences with making friends in the past few years have not been wonderful. My core group of friends are from HS and college.

I don't know if there's any advice anyone can give. We are planning to get involved in the local parish and find some volunteer opportunities. Those things will at least get us out of the house. I guess it's just moving beyond that into friendships that stresses me. Regardless, it feels good to get this off my chest.

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Wow - I could have written this exact same post!! I am totally the same way!! It takes me forever to gain enough trust in someone where I can be comfortable being myself with them - too often I just keep to myself and prefer to be alone rather than feel stupid trying to talk to someone new. I feel the same way - they will think I'm dumb - why would anyone wnat to talk to me - etc. I feel liek I would just end up embarassing myself so I have stopped trying to make new firends. My core group of friends are all in NJ, and I've known most of them since we were in grade school! I feel like I can't gain that kind of repor with someone new, and honestly, I don't want to. Craig jsut asked me the other day why I don't have any friends on the train when I've been taking it for so long - and my answer was simple: I don't want to be bothered with people I don't know that well, and it's my naptime anyway! Since I've moved to LI to be with DH though, I've not made any new friends out here that I would call or hang out with. I am 'friendly' with a lot of Craig's friends' girlfriends, but nothing really close. I feel like such a geek sometimes too, bc it seems that everyone else can just make friends at the drop of a hat, and I tend to shy away from getting to know new people, I alwasy think they won't like me so I don't bother. I don't really have any advice for you, but just wanted you to know that you're not alone at all in feeling this way!

Re: Making Friends In Adulthood?

I agree with you girls and totally feel your pain. I sometimes think ....WHEN i have a new job I'll meet new people... WHEN i buy a house I'll meet the neighbors.. IF I go back to school I'lll meet new friends. etc etc but its frustrating when you're sort of in an inbetween stage. I guess some type of class/gym activity might do the trick for the current time frame.. I alwasy said the irony of college was that there were so many people/friends around you things to do and see, but you always had it in the back of your mind that you should be studying.. now I think I am in the 'real' world with all the time in the world, and don't have the same opportunities.. just venting!

Re: Making Friends In Adulthood?

I'm in the same boat. I'm so lonely !

Re: Making Friends In Adulthood?

I feel like the easiest way to meet people is through others. In all honestly, since we got married and moved to Forest hills, we have not made any new friends here. We're lucky b/c we have college friends in the building and other friends in the area, but it is really tough to meet new people. I definitely don't talk to people on the train..it's nap time! I am pretty shy around new people, unless it's a really small group, like when i've been to 4 person GTGs...then I'm comfortable enough to chat. Tracy, I just have to add that I found you totally friendly and nice to hang out with when I met you at the GTG!

Re: Making Friends In Adulthood?

I put this on the parenting board.....It is sooooo hard to meet new people and I feel as though the friends that I have have diasappeared slowly.... I am looking into Yoga and hopefully will find some friends...

Re: Making Friends In Adulthood?

I think volunteering is a good way to allow friendships to naturally evolve. You are there for a specific function and usually talk to pass the time. It allows you to get a feel for people and decide whether or not you want to get to know them better. Also, if you are choosing a cause or a type of work to volunteer for, it is likely that you already have something in common.

A few years back I volunteered for a commitee at a local YMCA, which turned into volunteering as a mentor for a girl's group with a few other young adult women who I became friendly with. We ended up having dinners and drinks at other times as well.

Re: Making Friends In Adulthood?

I originally started taking classes for my Master's in hopes of meeting other friends! A year and a half later, no new friends, but I did have a degree to show for it! I only moved here after college (DH grew up here, went away to college, but most of his high school friends are still here), and it has been really hard. I met some friends through work, some through LIW...

Re: Making Friends In Adulthood?

Hi Tracy

I know just how you feel. My DH and I bought a house in NJ last year and didn't know a soul. Plus there are no young couples on our block....but we made friends with the neighbors...joined a bowling leaugue - and I am looking into some volunteer opportunities, like the local clothing drive and all that stuff. You just have to put yourself out there and make an effort. You'll be fine

Re: Making Friends In Adulthood?

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Posted by nvrdull
It is sooooo hard to meet new people and I feel as though the friends that I have have diasappeared slowly.... I am looking into Yoga and hopefully will find some friends...

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This is my problem, I no longer talk to any of my HS friends but one because I went away to college and just sort of lost touch. When I transferred back home to be closer to FH while in college, I lost touch with few friends, but the ones I still talk to, its like we talk less and less as time passes.
FH has no friends on long island because hes originally from NJ and moved here to be with me and he refuses to socialize with people at work because they are 'old.' It is kinda depressing to think about.

Re: Making Friends In Adulthood?

I know exactly how you feel. All of my close/core friends are up in CT. I was so outgoing in hs & college and had a ton of friends. Making friends on Long Island has been harder then I thought. At first I was working out-of-town and now I work remotely, not friend making opportunities there. And at the gym I don't really talk to anyone, I just do my workout and leave. So I am trying to take a class or two to meet people.