Would you change yourself for your SO? Or have you in the past?

So I have been thinking a lot (mostly after last night's Bachelor- who would have thought?) about the things people do to change themselves for others. I get annoyed at people who alter their appearances at the behest of other people (like the woman last night who went blonde because the Bachelor likes blondes). But I also realized that I am guilty myself even thought it wasn't physical. One man I dated before DH did not like my sense of humor and I made a conscious effort to tone it down for him. And in hindsight, I wish I saw that he wasn't right instead of trying to change myself.

I am not referring to things you may have done when you were single to generally improve yourself.

Re: Would you change yourself for your SO? Or have you in the past?

Nope, not that I can remember.

Re: Would you change yourself for your SO? Or have you in the past?

Im not changing myself for any damn man..im perfect just as I am!!!

Re: Would you change yourself for your SO? Or have you in the past?

I knew that DH was the right one for me BECAUSE I didn't feel like I had to change any aspect of myself. For others, I briefly modified my personality or beliefs, but it never lasted long and I would end the relationship.

Re: Would you change yourself for your SO? Or have you in the past?

not for him.. maye for his family though.. to make a good impression....
i took the pink out of my hair when i went to visit his sister.

Re: Would you change yourself for your SO? Or have you in the past?

The only thing i really changed was my argument style...

I am learning and continue to work at listening and being calm when i am upset.

But other than that....no.

But i tend to know a little more about Nascar than i would like

Re: Would you change yourself for your SO? Or have you in the past?

I voted for health habits and was voted as if it is something I WOULD change for DH. I picked this because I do find that when one of us is feeling poorly or is going through health related problems, it does affect the both of us. I am forever trying to lose weight and exercise, mostly for myself and to make me feel better, but now that I am married, I feel more incentive to be healthier and live longer for us both.

Re: Would you change yourself for your SO? Or have you in the past?

I would not nor have I ever changed myself for anybody. I'm perfect the way I am.

Re: Would you change yourself for your SO? Or have you in the past?

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Posted by aliciahelene

Im not changing myself for any damn man..im perfect just as I am!!!

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YOU ARE 100% CORRECT!!!!!!!!!! BRAVO!!!

Re: Would you change yourself for your SO? Or have you in the past?

I tend to be more of a homebody at the age I am now (the ripe old age of 26--I got it all out of my system in college I think...). DH loves going out all the time. We compromise, but I do push myself to go out when tired or not feeling like it because I know it is important to him.

He has made me realize aspects of my personality that I want to change--he thinks I am too rigid and calculated, which I probably am, so I am trying to be more spontaneous...Likewise, I think he is too carefree and does not think of the future and long-term ramifications of his actions...So we help each other become aware of what we may want to change, but end up changing to better ourselves...

Re: Would you change yourself for your SO? Or have you in the past?

It's funny that this was spawned by the Bachelor girl ... I've changed my hair color for DH. But I color my hair all the time and always experiment. I know in the past when we're at CVS together when I ask him to help me pick a color, he chooses a red/auburn ... I needed to color my hair right before Valentine's Day so I colored it dark auburn as a surprise for him. More surprising, he actually noticed!!


I don't really think it's the same though as changing my hair color to get the attention of a complete stranger!

Re: Would you change yourself for your SO? Or have you in the past?

For DH , no I have not changed myself at all - I am a bit less selfish since we are now a 'team' .. but nothing else about ME is any different than before I met him. (ok except I DID gain weight and yup he still loves me )

I can specifically recall thinking to myself 'he is truly THE ONE' because I could totally be myself around him, faults and all, and he loved me nonetheless.

But unfortunately, I will admit that in almost ALL of my relationships prior to DH, I did find that I changed some aspect of myself (be it physical or personality traits) to please these men - reflecting upon it now, it really makes me angry that I did this! However its a horrible pattern and one that is important to break. I was single for quite awhile, and after awhile when all my relationships were going poorly, you do realize that changing certain aspects of yourself is really NOT the best way to maintain a successful relationship!

Trust me this realization didn't come easily. I actually took a lot of time and worked VERY hard on myself a a person- and mostly in BELIEVING in myself enough so that I could value myself and change my tendency to try and 'change' for a man.

Besides if we were all cookie cutter images of each other in both looks and temprament, what a boring world it would be ,wouldn't it?

Re: Would you change yourself for your SO? Or have you in the past?

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Posted by brideinapril

I would not nor have I ever changed myself for anybody. I'm perfect the way I am.

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Well Said.

Re: Would you change yourself for your SO? Or have you in the past?

I haven't changed anything but I can't listen to some music around him - it makes him nuts.

Re: Would you change yourself for your SO? Or have you in the past?

Nope - never changed for anyone - EVER. That's probably why I got dumped so often

DH actually gets mad when I tell him that I want to do something different with my looks, like cut my hair or color it (or get a nose job! )
He likes me just the way I am

Re: Would you change yourself for your SO? Or have you in the past?

If you have to change something, then obviously he doesn't love you for who you are. I've never changed anything for him, but he does make me want to be a better person, and I'm also less selfish because I have tot hink about 'us' not just me, as felicia said.

Re: Would you change yourself for your SO? Or have you in the past?

I said non, but I am a bit better at straightening up after myself than I was before. My DH is a neat freak!