My advice regarding a large bridal party

Hi,

I just wanted to share my experience in case anyone is hesitant about having a lot of bridesmaids. I know many have large parties and are very happy and the girls have been great...which I think is how it should be.

However..in my situation I asked everyone pretty early, out of sheer excitement for the big day and having them be a part of it. Now i realize..I should have stuck to family (5 girls). I have a total of 9 and for the most part, my friends have not been so great. Its saddened me so much actually. Aside from my MOH, they have made remarks such as being soooo broke (after telling them for 3 months i need to order dresses, and the dress is only $140). I've had one ask me to cover the cost until she can get more money (she makes twice the salary I do).

What upsets me the most is that two of these friends were married and I was a bridesmaid for them..I ran all over and never complained. I was happy for them. I know they have 'moved on' and maybe being a bridesmaid is more of a pain to them than anything, but it has caused me a lot of grief and upset.

So in saying that....if anyone has doubts, just think for a little bit before asking everyone. I wish I could go back and change things. But overall wedding planning has been great and I'm still so thrilled for the big day. Happy planning to all!!!

Re: My advice regarding a large bridal party

I agree with you! I have ran around in the past and it saddens me too at the lack of interest people show. It's my time now and it's too bad few remember that time. I have asked friends and it seems that my excitement is second place in their lives...granted some have kids but come on...show a little effort...

Re: My advice regarding a large bridal party

I could not agree with you more!!!! You are so right!

I am experiencing the same problem. My BMs got married either last year or two years ago and I feel that they have moved on and I am nothing but a neusance!

Re: My advice regarding a large bridal party

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Posted by Rebecca B

I agree with you! I have ran around in the past and it saddens me too at the lack of interest people show. It's my time now and it's too bad few remember that time. I have asked friends and it seems that my excitement is second place in their lives...granted some have kids but come on...show a little effort...

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Seriously...its weird cause I don't even care that they don't mention the wedding or show excitement..its more the complaining..its very hurtful.

One girl said 'seriously your bridal shower sucked my last free weekend of the summer'. NICE right? I said 'i'm sorry it inconveniences you'. I want to tell them to all forget it...just to show up and let me be, but how can you 'un-ask' someone? Ugh. Its causing me stomach pains!!

Re: My advice regarding a large bridal party

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Posted by Johnny&Maur

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Posted by Rebecca B

I agree with you! I have ran around in the past and it saddens me too at the lack of interest people show. It's my time now and it's too bad few remember that time. I have asked friends and it seems that my excitement is second place in their lives...granted some have kids but come on...show a little effort...

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Seriously...its weird cause I don't even care that they don't mention the wedding or show excitement..its more the complaining..its very hurtful.

One girl said 'seriously your bridal shower sucked my last free weekend of the summer'. NICE right? I said 'i'm sorry it inconveniences you'. I want to tell them to all forget it...just to show up and let me be, but how can you 'un-ask' someone? Ugh. Its causing me stomach pains!!

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It sounds like you should ask them if they would be happier stepping down. Say that you understand it's a lot and would not be hurt if they chose to share your day as a guest. Hopefully, they'll step down and you'll get the BP you deserve!

Re: My advice regarding a large bridal party

It doesn't matter how large your BP is -- these issues pop up even in small BPs.

Re: My advice regarding a large bridal party

I love the 'I'm so broke' excuse. I'm in a bridal party where the bride put me in charge of her bachelorette, and I can't tell you how many times I have heard the 'I'm so broke excuse' - don't even get me started.
Don't you love how people ALWAYS have money for things they want to do or want to have? These are the same 'I'm so broke people.'

Well, I read a book recommended by Oprah on the things you need to do by the time you're thirty... and while I don't follow all of the things (no, I'm never gonna sky dive, sorry), some of them are pretty good. like, you need to get rid of the 'bad' friends and keep the good... and by this stage in life, you should be learning the difference. So, if your wedding teaches you this about some people, move on from them.

Re: My advice regarding a large bridal party

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Posted by 12-3Princess




I love the 'I'm so broke' excuse. I'm in a bridal party where the bride put me in charge of her bachelorette, and I can't tell you how many times I have heard the 'I'm so broke excuse' - don't even get me started.
Don't you love how people ALWAYS have money for things they want to do or want to have? These are the same 'I'm so broke people.'

Well, I read a book recommended by Oprah on the things you need to do by the time you're thirty... and while I don't follow all of the things (no, I'm never gonna sky dive, sorry), some of them are pretty good. like, you need to get rid of the 'bad' friends and keep the good... and by this stage in life, you should be learning the difference. So, if your wedding teaches you this about some people, move on from them.

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you are very right. Thank you for what you said! I do know that two of these girls are not 'friends' any longer. I don't know what happened...but we are so distanced its just sad. One told me 'maureen, i have a baby now its really hard because we're all in such different stages and its hard for me to get excited about getting fitted for a dress'. But this same girl talked incessently about her own wedding and i was there for every step.

I would ask them to step down if theyd like but i know they will say 'oh no worries, its fine'. :(

Re: My advice regarding a large bridal party

I can't agree with you more. I also have a total of 9 girls in my wedding party and I am going through the same thing that you are. What's the most hurtful is I'm getting the drama from my family members... Two of my BM's ar my FH's cousins and I expected them to give me issues... Not my own family... I will tell any bride... Stick with AT MOST 5 girls... Girls turn into DIVAS really fast when they realize its not only about them looking cute in a BM dress!!!

Re: My advice regarding a large bridal party

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Posted by Johnny&Maur

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Posted by 12-3Princess




I love the 'I'm so broke' excuse. I'm in a bridal party where the bride put me in charge of her bachelorette, and I can't tell you how many times I have heard the 'I'm so broke excuse' - don't even get me started.
Don't you love how people ALWAYS have money for things they want to do or want to have? These are the same 'I'm so broke people.'

Well, I read a book recommended by Oprah on the things you need to do by the time you're thirty... and while I don't follow all of the things (no, I'm never gonna sky dive, sorry), some of them are pretty good. like, you need to get rid of the 'bad' friends and keep the good... and by this stage in life, you should be learning the difference. So, if your wedding teaches you this about some people, move on from them.

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you are very right. Thank you for what you said! I do know that two of these girls are not 'friends' any longer. I don't know what happened...but we are so distanced its just sad. One told me 'maureen, i have a baby now its really hard because we're all in such different stages and its hard for me to get excited about getting fitted for a dress'. But this same girl talked incessently about her own wedding and i was there for every step.

I would ask them to step down if theyd like but i know they will say 'oh no worries, its fine'. :(

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You know, it's really hard and I totally understand. I would just try to focus on the really good people who truly care, and just don't let these other girls (the one with the baby comment actually sounds pretty b--tchy- could she be jealous for some reason?) get you down.
I figure, you only get to do this once so try to talk to people that don't bring you down and as for those other girls, they'll be sorry some day when you're no longer around for them. what goes around comes around but at least you'll know you didn't let them ruin your happiness during your wedding planning!

Re: My advice regarding a large bridal party

See, I don't understand girls like that! I've never been a MOH and I was a BM for my SIL but the wedding was upstate so I really couldn't do anything for her. I wish I could be in a BP where I could help the bride plan and all. I mean, I love being the bride but I've always wanted to do it for someone else too. It's such an honor to be asked!!!

Re: My advice regarding a large bridal party

Very true.

When I was at my fitting yesterday one of the woman at the salon said that the bridesmaids are worse than the brides and that many bridesmaids think 'its all about them and not about the bride'

Also, for those, like me, whose friends are all married with kids, yes, money and time is an issue. I was in a lot of their weddings but I decided to only have a MOH because at 34 years old I know they don't have the time to help me, they don't have the budget and the last thing they want to buy is another bridesmaid dress.

Yes, only one MOH for me!!

Re: My advice regarding a large bridal party

I totally agree with you I had to cut out one of bridesmaids this week and I am not even 365 days away yet. U really see who your true friends are during this time. And believe me I will be happy to cut more girls out of the picture

Re: My advice regarding a large bridal party

Why can't they all just be happy, shut their pie holes, put a smile on their face and suck it up?? I NEVER expected this to happen.

The two girls giving the most problems were my best friends in college. One was married 2 years ago, one last year.

You would think they are 80 year old spinsters. I called my mom in tears and of course i got 'if you had listened to your mother..'. THANKS MOM, lol...

Re: My advice regarding a large bridal party

I agree with you 100%, which is why I only have a MOH & 1 BM. Both very close family members. I didn't want to hear the drama or look at my wedding album 10 years from now and say 'why did I have her in my bridal party'. I know of weddings I've been in and it happens...you lose touch.

Re: My advice regarding a large bridal party

i'll probably get flamed for this, but i think being part of a bridal party is totally overrated. you can still be a great friend, share in the excitment, help out the bride and NOT be a BM all at the same time. i've declined a few invitations to be a BM b/c i just didn't want to do it anymore and my friendships with those girls have not changed in anyway. now that it's my turn, i'm only having my sisters and one friend.

i'm glad i was a BM the 6 times i did it and i'm still great friends with all of them, but i don't think it would've been any different if i hadn't been part of their parties. just my opinion.

overall, i do agree it's easier to have a smaller bridal party. you may still have the problems, but at least there's less people with whom you have to deal.

Re: My advice regarding a large bridal party

HOO-RAY for an intelligent post!!!

I always felt that if you ask anyone and everyone to be a member of your bridal party, that honor is lost and it is no longer special. There is also no fun in a 3 ring circus and coordinating the schedules of 2 people is hard, imagine 9? No thank you!!!

Re: My advice regarding a large bridal party

I am sorry for everyone that has had bad experiences with their large birdal parties.

But, I am also having 9 girls and there is an important and sentimental reason why I chose each one. To be honest, since the day I said I was having 9 girls I have heard nothing but criticism from family and friends, and that hurts me more than anything. My bridesmaids didn't have to say yes. I was very upfront with them and told them it was their choice and if they didnt feel they wanted to/could be involved and I would respect that, but it was important to me to tell them that I wanted them included. To this day I have not had a problem. not with dresses, not with coordination, not with getting along. maybe I am just lucky.

I am sorry if this sounds defensive, I don't mean it to, but you don't understand how many times a week I hear why my choice was so 'bad'

Re: My advice regarding a large bridal party

I am so sorry that you are going through this! I too have a large bridal party and I have found that at times it can be difficult to get everyone to agree and someone always has some sort of issue that you need to deal with. But honestly, I chose each of these girls because each are special to me in some way and I dont regret that at all. I would never want anyone to have me in their bridal party if they didnt really want me to be there, even if it was last minute. Maybe you should think about asking them to step down if you really feel this way.... if you cant really see the friendship going anywhere after your wedding, then do they really deserve to be such an important part in you and your FH's day... and not only that you will have a ton of pictures for your memories. Just a thought.. GOod Luck! Weddings can be really stressful!

Re: My advice regarding a large bridal party

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Posted by Johnny&Maur

Why can't they all just be happy, shut their pie holes, put a smile on their face and suck it up?? I NEVER expected this to happen.QUOTE]

Its funny whenever someone complains or even if I'm the one doing the complaining for someone else's day, I think the same thing... just shut up and suck it up...its one day... a friendship is forever. LOLOLOL