Need some advice, kind of long sorry.

Hi girls,
Well I have an issue with my FMIL and my FI. We are having a Saturday night wedding next July. All of a sudden, my FI tells me that his mom approached him about having children at the wedding. My issue is that I come from a very laid back family who is also very child oriented, my family has never excluded children from anything. So anyway there are only really 3 small children in my family the rest of my cousins are 11 or over. I mean she doesn't even want my niece (the flowergirl) and my cousin (the ringbearer) at the wedding. I know if I say children are not invited to the wedding it will cause make my family extremely upset because we are a close knit family I mean I see all of my aunts, uncles and cousins at least once a week. I told my FI that we are paying for the reception so we should be able to invite whomever we want, and his response was yeah, but my parents are paying for everything else. How should I deal with this when my FMIL approaches me about this situation?

Re: Need some advice, kind of long sorry.

utlimately, its your wedding, your day (you and fh), if you want kids, have them. i think your fmil is just trying to hold something over your head. shes just trying to pull her weight, thats all. do what you want, its not about what your fmil wants.

Re: Need some advice, kind of long sorry.

i have a lot of young cousins who i dearly love... because of this I have 6 flowergirls and 1 ringbearer... however, having a sat night wedding, there is no way they are going to be able to stay up for the entire reception, and their parents dont even want them up for the entire recepetion... they will be at the ceremony, take pics, and for a little bit of the recepetion... then we will most likely get a babysitter that will take care of them in the bridale suite, or another extended family member who isnt invited to the wedding to come and pick them up...

however if my FILs were telling me that I could no way have my cousins there and we were paying for our own recepetion (which we are) I would flip out!! It is your wedding and your choice if you want children there or not... but just make sure FI is on the same wave length as you... FMIL's know that dividing and conquering is the best way to get their way!

Re: Need some advice, kind of long sorry.

I believe you should do what will make you happy. The joy of family is a gift. If your FMIL approaches you, you should gently but FIRMLY tell her your decision is heartfelt and you are sure she understands that being happy should be the goal of the wedding day and everyday. Doesn't she agree?
She had her wedding her way. No one ever asked your permission to do what they wanted on their wedding day, why should you??? Good luck, stand strong.

Re: Need some advice, kind of long sorry.

We are having a Saturday night wedding, and we are inviting children. I don't know how many will come, but I don't think my family would travel to my wedding if their kids were not invited.

It is your wedding, if you want children there invite them.

Re: Need some advice, kind of long sorry.

There is a good shot we'll have a one-year old at our wedding. Our friends will have their second son any day now, and I know that they wouldn't want to leave their one-year old for a weekend even if it is with family. Its more important to have our friends there than to have a wedding without babies. Anyone in either of our families that has a problem will be told the same thing: We'll take the crying along with the chance to see our friends share in our day. Don't let anyone impose their views on you. If you want children there, then have them.

Re: Need some advice, kind of long sorry.

maybe you or fh should talk to fmil and explain just how important it is to you both that all your relatives are allowed to include their children - that might help her understand your plans... and if she can't understand, then if i were you, i'd do it anyway - it sounds very important to you, and if that's the case, then why should you compromise this, and your family, on your day. i don't think you should. good luck!