Problem Bridesmaid- Need Advice

Okay Ladies,
I need some advice so of course I turn to you! I have an extremely cheap bridesmaid. She had to contribute around $50 for my shower ( my mom paid for most of it) and I am planning my bachelorette party at the wineries ($60 each for limo and whatever you drink at the wineries prob around $40). She keeps on crying poverty and making me feel guilty for everything I ask of her, is this e-mail too harsh?
From your comments it seems that you are tight financially right now. The fact of the matter is being in a wedding party costs money but I am trying to make it as economical as possible. If you can not afford the bachelorette party or staying at the hotel the night before the wedding I understand. To have your hair done the day of the wedding will be $50 plus tip, this is also something that you do not have to do.
In some ways it upsets me that my wedding seems to be merely a financial burden to you but the only thing I am requiring of you as a bridesmaid is to wear the $107 dress and buy silver shoes. If the wedding has become too much for you let me know and I will pay for your dress and you can bow out.
TIA
-Amy

Re: Problem Bridesmaid- Need Advice

You are saying exactly how you feel and it is tp the point, she should have known that being in someones BP that it was going to cost money and should have told you that she may not be able to afford to do everything that it brings with it.
HTH and Good Luck

Re: Problem Bridesmaid- Need Advice

sounds good to me so far I am so lucky with that. keeping my fingers crossed. there does always seem to be one in the bunch though

Re: Problem Bridesmaid- Need Advice

personally if i were recieving it, i would be offended. I see where you are coming from....but i might think about making it a little less harsh

Re: Problem Bridesmaid- Need Advice

From your side yes it sounds fine because it is your wedding and you are trying to keep it financially reasonable, but if I had received that email I would have been extremely offended.
Maybe talk to her personally.

Re: Problem Bridesmaid- Need Advice

IMHO, if I received that email, I would be extremely upset and I would definitely drop out of the wedding and not even attend.

How about this:

Dear Martha,


I know that cash is tight for you right now. I'm sure that being in a bridal party isn't going to make it any easier. Believe me when I tell you, I am really trying to keep things as economical as possible. I understand if you can't afford to go to the bachelorette party or stay in a hotel the night before the wedding.

On the day of the wedding, you do have the option of getting your hair done, but that would be $50 plut tip. The only thing I am requiring is that the bridesmaids wear the $107 dress and buy silver shoes.

I'm not sure if you can swing this, and I hate to think that my wedding is becoming a burden for you. I don't want anyone to be burdened by my wedding. I really hope that you will be my bridesmaid, but if you think it won't work out financially, let me know and I'll see what I can do to help.

Re: Problem Bridesmaid- Need Advice

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Posted by suven

IMHO, if I received that email, I would be extremely upset and I would definitely drop out of the wedding and not even attend.

How about this:

Dear Martha,


I know that cash is tight for you right now. I'm sure that being in a bridal party isn't going to make it any easier. Believe me when I tell you, I am really trying to keep things as economical as possible. I understand if you can't afford to go to the bachelorette party or stay in a hotel the night before the wedding.

On the day of the wedding, you do have the option of getting your hair done, but that would be $50 plut tip. The only thing I am requiring is that the bridesmaids wear the $107 dress and buy silver shoes.

I'm not sure if you can swing this, and I hate to think that my wedding is becoming a burden for you. I don't want anyone to be burdened by my wedding. I really hope that you will be my bridesmaid, but if you think it won't work out financially, let me know and I'll see what I can do to help.

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OOH I like this a lot better. very well put. your original e-mail was a little too harsh, I can tell you wrote it with anger....

Re: Problem Bridesmaid- Need Advice

Thank you ladies that rewrite was awesome!!

Re: Problem Bridesmaid- Need Advice

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Posted by amyandbill

Thank you ladies that rewrite was awesome!!

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Re: Problem Bridesmaid- Need Advice

I agree the was Sue put it was perfect. It gets your point across without being too harsh and offending anyone!

Re: Problem Bridesmaid- Need Advice

the rewrite is much better

Re: Problem Bridesmaid- Need Advice

definitely CALL HER!!! don't send an email, that is way too impersonal. i would be offended that a good friend wrote me something on email instead of telling it to me in person or over the phone.

Re: Problem Bridesmaid- Need Advice

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Posted by Soon2BeMrs2006

the rewrite is much better

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i agree- but i also think you should call her!

Re: Problem Bridesmaid- Need Advice

Okay, maybe I'll give her a call. We do e-mail eachother all the time though..a few times a day. I am going to wait a little now that my anger has subsided!Thanks for all the advice
-Amy

Re: Problem Bridesmaid- Need Advice

I was in a wedding last month with the cheapest bridesmaid ever!!!! It was sooooo horrible for me & the other girls. There was so much fighting & stress for the bride. It was just terrible. My advice to you is to get rid of her. As nice as possible of course... But honestly you really don't need the stress. Its one thing to be broke, its another to be cheap!!! Good luck

Re: Problem Bridesmaid- Need Advice

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Posted by carol82

definitely CALL HER!!! don't send an email, that is way too impersonal. i would be offended that a good friend wrote me something on email instead of telling it to me in person or over the phone.

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I agree that calling her is the way to go. Email has a way of coming across the wrong way.