Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

My mother asked me when I wanted the shower to be..I said Feb. Since my mom lives in Florida and the weather in Feb with snow and ice is unpredicatable she said no, She said August, since for her it would have been convienient. Am I wrong for not taking her up on that? I would feel so silly and it would be so far away. I could not do October since my close cousin is getting married. Then we settled on Nov. I wanted the BP/Shower the same weekend since mom, grams, and one of my BM would come in from Fl and I wanted the date to coincide with a school day off so I would have that extra day to spend with OOTers.
Now, not knowing Nov 11 is my stepdad's B-day my mom is pissed and wants toi change it. My best friend already bought her tickets to come here in Nov and I was so set on Nov since that is what she told me....
My mother and I are not speaking now
I don't even think she will come up in November since her husband's B-day is Nov 11th.
Should I ask my MOH to change the date that is already set with everyone else except my Mom..Is she being selfish or am I???
Please respond...There is so much more to this but I am losing my mind...
PS my mom and I were never very close and in the 10years since she left she only visited twice and stayed one day. I don't like my Stepdad and this is known but my family in FL thinks I set the date up on his B-day on purpose.
I don't even like that I was involved with the date and planning to begin with and now look.
HELP!!

Re: Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

Showers are traditionally one to two months before the wedding.

I understand her not wanting to travel in Feb. but what about March?

I think it is too early to do it in Nov.

Re: Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

I think you should have it when it's convenient for as many people as possible including your mom. However, she is being stubborn. They can celebrate birthdays a day after or a day before or even a week after. This will be your only bridal shower

Re: Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

I thought so too...Nov was the only date that worked with school dates, no days off in March but at this point should I tell them to change the date???
Change Nov and pay a fee for one of my brides maids that already bought her ticket.
Stick with the date and please my mother.

Am I being selfish since it is her Husband's B-day????? That is really the question.
Would you be mad and make a big deal about he date..It is only his B-day? It comes once a year, every year. My shower and BP happens once in a life time.
AM I WRONG????

Re: Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

I agree with March, I think it would be perfect.

The only thing I'd feel bad about is will your friend be losing money on her ticket? She may have to pay a small fee, but I'm pretty sure they will just let her use that credit for when she reschedules four months later.

Theres always someone thats gonna be unhappy, and its unfortunate, you are kind of in between, since the shower is for you and you technically shouldnt have any part of the planning.......

Ask your mom and friend if March will be good for all, if so, do it then.

Good luck to ya!

Re: Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

I'm also having some shower drama with my mother (who also lives in Flordia). As it is, my shower looks like it's going to be only 3 weeks before my wedding....

Re: Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

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Posted by JPC1125

Showers are traditionally one to two months before the wedding.

I understand her not wanting to travel in Feb. but what about March?

I think it is too early to do it in Nov.

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i agree with you , it's too early in nov.

Re: Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

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Posted by FallBride05

I'm also having some shower drama with my mother (who also lives in Flordia). As it is, my shower looks like it's going to be only 3 weeks before my wedding....

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Isn't it horrible! Sorry I would not wish this on anyone.

I was the one who asked that preferably the BP/Shower weekend coincide with a 3 day weekend so i could spend all day Friday with family and friends. March has no days off..I feel very Bridezillaish about wanting that but I wanted to spend that extra day with family.

my BF bought her ticket for Nov and is already set to come here. At this point I want to cancel the whole thing and elope..really FH are talking about it.

Re: Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

IMHO, I think March is too close to your wedding date. It's a lot to ask people to travel twice, and give nice gifts, to occasions so close together. Edited to add - oops, I thought you were early April. Maybe early March would work.

I agree - November seems to work, and you can have the birthday celebration later. August is way too early, I think.

Just as an aside - I can't STAND this. A shower is supposed to be a celebration of the bride-to-be - something to honor her, her impending marriage, and a happy thing. I cannot take it when people who are planning a nice thing for someone, involve the someone and stress them about it. How much of a real honor is that??? Ok, tirade over.

Good luck!!!

Re: Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

I'm sorry but I don't understand this whole drama of his birthday......that doesn't make any sense to me. And chances are, he probably doesn't give a poop that your shower is his bday because, so what? It's still his birthday. I don't understand that and I agree with you being upset about it.

With that being said, I don't necessarily think November is too early but if there is a way to change it, I would say go for it. FIghting with parents is hard and you really don't need the added stress of that. I just don't want for you to one day regret this conflict with your Mom. THe big picture is your relationship not necessarily one day (the shower). I would say do it so that your Mom is happy but I am an extremely strong believer in airing out your feelings. Let her know how hurt you are that she is blatantly picking her husbands birthday (one day that comes every year) over the convenience and happiness of you and your bridesmaids. And even if that causes a fight, at least you two are getting to the root of it, instead of just fighting over a shower. I don't think you are wrong in this one but unfortunately the truth is, a wedding is generally so much about appeasing others that sometimes you have to prioritize what is most important to you.

Re: Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

Thank you all for reponses!!!!

Since stepdad and I don't like each other, never did, my mother thinks I planned it on his B-day on purpose. I am so hurt by that...that is veteran's day and I am off from school.
My BF is coming in Nov 10 so we can hang out that extra dday.

this all started cause I found my dress the other day when I told my mom I wanted her to see it..she snapped well how will I see it..I am not coming in until Sat because the shower is the date that you want it to be.


I am so hurt and feel horrible but my realtionship with my mother was never solid..she left when I was 16 and chose her husband over anything else. She lost all her friends and has only him..I see why his birthday is like a major holiday to her but she has no ability to see beyond him.
I am a mess
Anyone else wanna put their two cents in?

Re: Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

Anyone?

Re: Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

This is all very passive/aggressive behavior on her part. I really loathe that..

Sending hugs

Re: Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

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I am so hurt and feel horrible but my realtionship with my mother was never solid..she left when I was 16 and chose her husband over anything else. She lost all her friends and has only him..I see why his birthday is like a major holiday to her but she has no ability to see beyond him.
I am a mess
Anyone else wanna put their two cents in?

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OMG are we sisters??? I could have written that last paragraph myself!

I had a huge blow out a few weeks back with her and I feel like Me, the Bride, am the one that has to be inconvienced and bend over backwards to make my shower happen at a time that is convienent for her.

I understand your frustration and your why you're so upset over this.

Re: Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

I think you need to do what's best for you since your mom seems to do only what's best for her. If you really want your shower in March speak to your BMs and see what they say. Offer to maybe pick up the fee for the girl who has already bought her plane ticket. Who knows maybe since she's purchased it so far in advance it won't be that expensive to change.

Good luck and don't let your selfish mother spoil anything for you!!!

Re: Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

Well, if thats the case and you guys arent really that close, and her hubbie is all she got, well then having your shower in November isnt a bad idea. A good point from a previous post said March was a bit too close to the wedding and can get costly. It is actually a very good point.

Why don't she have her hubbie come up here w/ her in November so it can be a birthday trip for him as well. Shes only going to be with you for 3-4 hours, after that she can spend all the time in the world w/ him for his birthday.

You might wanna suggest that to her and also mention how hurt you are that maybe its about you for once, and not anyone else, hence the fact 'you planned on his b/day on purpose'---she's gotta realize that's absolutely rediculous.

Ask her, as your mom, can she really not spare the few hours for her daughter for the one day that is convenient for most and put her hubbie to the side for four hours. Is there a relative that can put some sense into her head so maybe if she hears this from another mouth, she just may happen to realize she is wrong.........??

Re: Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

Who's hosting the shower, your mom or the MOH? (It wasn't clear to me). If it is your mom, then it will be hard to change her mind. If your MOH/bridal party is hosting it, then they should work it out with your mom, not you.

Personally, I think your mom is being a little ridiculous, but based on what you've told us, that isn't surprising.

Re: Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

I am sorry your mother is giving you such grief. I agree that a birthday is a birthday. You are her daughter and will only have 1 bridal shower in your lifetime.

Re: Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

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Posted by FallBride05

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I am so hurt and feel horrible but my realtionship with my mother was never solid..she left when I was 16 and chose her husband over anything else. She lost all her friends and has only him..I see why his birthday is like a major holiday to her but she has no ability to see beyond him.
I am a mess
Anyone else wanna put their two cents in?

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OMG are we sisters??? I could have written that last paragraph myself!

I had a huge blow out a few weeks back with her and I feel like Me, the Bride, am the one that has to be inconvienced and bend over backwards to make my shower happen at a time that is convienent for her.

I understand your frustration and your why you're so upset over this.

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Yes! That is how I feel too. I knew this would be tough since my parents had a bad divorce but my Dad has been the cool one and my mother is the one who is causing all this pain and hurt. again, this is so hard to be put in the situation...I am the Bride I am supposed to be happy..I have been crying 2 days straight.

My MOH (cousin) is planning this and no one sees the big deal about his birthday but her. She has blinders on when it comes to him.
I am not so upset anyone over my mother but I am very clsoe with my grandmother, who takes my mothers side and I have not spoken with her in days since this all went down.
honestly, I can live without my mother's love, I have been doing that for years, It is my grandmother not talking to be that is killing me

Re: Mama Drama..Sorry it is long..

Here's big huge hugs for you,,,, I spent all last weekend doing the same thing. Crying, crying, crying. To the point where I just want this all to be over with! I want to have nice memories of planning my wedding....