Need advice about my dress- long

Some of you may know that I was planning on having my wedding dress custom made by a member of my fh's family (and a soon to be member of mine) she has been a wedding dress maker for over 40 years (FIT trained) and has done fantastic work. she is semi retired, but was so elated with the news of our engagement that she agreed to take on my dress.

I just found out that recently she has been ill. She has been having a lot of pain in her hands (severe arthritis that she has up to know been living with well) but the also are running tests to see if anything neurological is wrong since she has also been having trouble walking )

she has had her up and down moments, one week she is busy sewing and the next she can't get out of bed.

I know if she is well she will do a SPECTACULAR job on my dress, but I also know that even if she is NOT doing so well, she will do the same job, but be in pain doing it, which makes me feel awful. but I know how excited she was to make the dress, so I know telling her not to, even for her own good, will deflate her.

my wedding is in a little less than 8 months...what would you ladies do?

Re: Need advice about my dress- long

I would speak to her Jess, tell her that you don't want her to be in pain, and that it's okay for you to buy a dress, rather than having her make it.

Exactly how you told us about this, I would do the same to her.

See what she says, which I'm sure she'd agree to make it for you and live through the pain, but it's her decision to make. I'm sure she's honored and excited, and wouldn't want to have it any other way.

If she says she can't do it, then you'll have to find another dress maker (let me know ) or buy the actual dress (which I'm sure is not in your budget is it?)

It's best to do it soon, b/c time is running out. That's why I went and 'visited' my dress and look at others, just as a back up plan! Take your own advice love.

Re: Need advice about my dress- long

Is it possible for her to take on a smaller job (like making your veil) that would still make her feel included in the wedding, but would be much easier for her? I think a wedding dress may be much if she's feeling ill, but a veil could be made on the days she feels well, and then she would still feel like she contributed to the wedding. Just an idea.

Re: Need advice about my dress- long

I would voice my concerns and see how she reacts. You are sweet to be concerned and I think she will appreciate that.

Good luck

Re: Need advice about my dress- long

Im so sorry to hear this. First and foremost I wish her well during all this testing.
She'll probably be upset if you ask her to step down from this great task. But maybe you can ask her to make something else. Maybe and embroidered veil or a capelet. Or maybe she can suggest making something.

Re: Need advice about my dress- long

Honestly, I would buy a dress. I know she wants to make it for you, but it will be a lot less stress on her if she doesn't.
Maybe she can make a wedding accessory of some kind, like your veil, that would involve less work.

Sorry to hear she's having these problems.

Re: Need advice about my dress- long

I like the idea of her making a veil for you- that way you won't be putting her to too much trouble, yet she can still feel involved in the process.

Re: Need advice about my dress- long

thanks ladies. I will have to wait the next few weeks and see what the doctors say. I mean, she can chip away at it I suppose for the next 8 months...I guess I can always run to David's or a sample sale the week before if all else fails.

I have a lot of confidence that she will get it done, my concern is the effect it will have on her- especially physically. but she is a stubborn woman from la Isla (PR) and she will do it if she wants to!

Re: Need advice about my dress- long

Yikes...do you really want to have to worry that you may have to get a dress the week before your wedding? I agree with everyone that you should tell her exactly what you told us. Say you are so honored but you really don't want to put the stress on her as it would make YOU feel guilty and worried about her all the time. That way she probably couldn't argue with you as easily. And I definitely think that having her make a veil, a cape, maybe a bag is a great idea so she still gets to add a very personal touch to your wedding outfit. I hope it works out!

Re: Need advice about my dress- long

This is a hard decision! I agree with all you ladies, tell her exactly what you said in your post. Let her know that you are worried about her health, and that you don't want her to push herself too hard. If you decide that you will but a dress, I think it would be nice to ask her to make the veil, as someone suggested, hopefully she would still feel very much part of the day. Making the veil would be easier on her, it's something she could make while resting. Good luck, I hope that she is able to make the dess for you, that was always one of my dreams to have a family member make my dress for me.

Re: Need advice about my dress- long

I agree with alot of the girls talk to her and let her know your concerns and let her make the choice as to whether or not she can handle the task and I like the idea of asking herot make the veil if she can't make the dress so she doesn't feel like she totally let you down.

Re: Need advice about my dress- long

Has she worked with other dress makers? Maybe she can work along side someone else and she still can participate?

Re: Need advice about my dress- long

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Posted by JessicaM.

thanks ladies. I will have to wait the next few weeks and see what the doctors say. I mean, she can chip away at it I suppose for the next 8 months...I guess I can always run to David's or a sample sale the week before if all else fails.

I have a lot of confidence that she will get it done, my concern is the effect it will have on her- especially physically. but she is a stubborn woman from la Isla (PR) and she will do it if she wants to!

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You're a good girl! I will keep you in my prayers and hope for the best...and as you may know my mom is also a stubborn woman from La Isla and whipped out an amazing dress in ONE DAY...from start to finish! Stressful? Yes. Worth it? Heck yeah!

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Posted by Suzannebride
Yikes...do you really want to have to worry that you may have to get a dress the week before your wedding?

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As someone who had this worry and no choice because it was my mom making the dress and she wouldn't take no for an answer, plus she would have been super offended had I bought my dress, it's not the ideal situation, but worst things can happen.

As long as she has health and is cleared, don't rule her out. Her health is the most important...if all is OK she could do a little at a time since she's here. A custom made dress by a loved family member is extra special and I have hope that you'll experience that (you deserve it) and you will look beautiful!

Re: Need advice about my dress- long

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Posted by SomethingBlu

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Posted by JessicaM.

thanks ladies. I will have to wait the next few weeks and see what the doctors say. I mean, she can chip away at it I suppose for the next 8 months...I guess I can always run to David's or a sample sale the week before if all else fails.

I have a lot of confidence that she will get it done, my concern is the effect it will have on her- especially physically. but she is a stubborn woman from la Isla (PR) and she will do it if she wants to!

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You're a good girl! I will keep you in my prayers and hope for the best...and as you may know my mom is also a stubborn woman from La Isla and whipped out an amazing dress in ONE DAY...from start to finish! Stressful? Yes. Worth it? Heck yeah!

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Posted by Suzannebride
Yikes...do you really want to have to worry that you may have to get a dress the week before your wedding?

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As someone who had this worry and no choice because it was my mom making the dress and she wouldn't take no for an answer, plus she would have been super offended had I bought my dress, it's not the ideal situation, but worst things can happen.

As long as she has health and is cleared, don't rule her out. Her health is the most important...if all is OK she could do a little at a time since she's here. A custom made dress by a loved family member is extra special and I have hope that you'll experience that (you deserve it) and you will look beautiful!

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thanks to all you ladies...and

thanks especially to you Sasha. you are really making me feel a lot better about this...and if my dress comes out HALF as good as yours, I will be one happy bride!

Re: Need advice about my dress- long

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Posted by JessicaM.
thanks to all you ladies...and

thanks especially to you Sasha. you are really making me feel a lot better about this...and if my dress comes out HALF as good as yours, I will be one happy bride!

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You will look amazing, I have no doubt!