I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

I'm getting married June 25, 2006.

My brother, who is not even divorced yet, has met a girl he wants to marry and in his words 'it's moving fast'. He's planning an April 2006 wedding, small beause it's his second, but it is her first, and it's in Florida. P.S. he's known her three months. So, two months before my wedding I've been planning for a year, and i've waited my whole life for, he's planning his wedding. This is my FIRST wedding and I will be 44 years old. This is supposed to be my time.

I spoke with him yesterday about it and said if the tables were turned, how would you feel? He said I'd be ecstatic for you. Of course, he's a guy and doesn't get it. He called me back later, and said what are we going to do about this, I don't want there to be a grudge. I won't hold a grudge, I am just very sad. That's how I work, I internalize. Maybe his wedding will be small, but all the people at his wedding, brothers, sister, cousins, parents, are practially all in my wedding party.


So here's my question. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Am I being selfish? Oversensitive? How would you handle it? I need some feedback on this. I'm giving him a day or two to talk it over with his 'fiancee' (although I don't know if you cann have a fiancee if you're still married to the last wife). Hopefully a woman' opinion will help.

I know this is long, but I appreciate any thoughts on the situation.

--Kathy

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

Wow, what a situation. Honestly, I would not be upset, your wedding is going to be special no matter what. I hope it all works out

Good luck

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

I would be upset too! I am sorry you have to deal with this.

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

1) There's never a wrong/right to the way you feel. It's the way you feel and that's it.
2) IMHO: I honestly wouldn't get upset if it were me b/c your wedding will be COMPLETELY different than his and is three months later.

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

This of his as a practice wedding. It's going to be little and all the FL weddings I've been to have sucked! So then when your big day comes- It'll really stand out. Everyone who was at your brother's will be thinking to themselves "OMG- This wedding is so much better". And it's true- your wedding will be special no matter what your silly brother does. Plus, from what you say, your marriage has a good chance of lasting longer!

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

I wont lie I would be upset too- and we cant tell you how to feel..how ever you are feeling is natural for you.... BUT on the flip side, there isnt much you can do about it BUT HOPE he waits ...Yours will be different! AND SPECIAL!!!!

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

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Posted by Sweetpea130000

I would be upset too! I am sorry you have to deal with this.

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Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

I can't say if I would be upset. I'm not in that situation, but I think you should be happy for your brother despite he's not divorced and it only been a couple of months! His is a small wedding, yours is going to stand out to everybody. Good luck, and don't hold it against him.

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

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Posted by ChristineAE

1) There's never a wrong/right to the way you feel. It's the way you feel and that's it.
2) IMHO: I honestly wouldn't get upset if it were me b/c your wedding will be COMPLETELY different than his and is three months later.

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Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

Message edited 5/24/2006 3:47:00 PM.

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

hard to say...being married now and not in the middle of planning. But from my perspective, I would be happy for him and realize that life goes on even though you are getting married.

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

However you feel about it is okay! You can't say feelings are right or wrong, one way or another. This is how you feel. Be okay with that

Now, if it were me, I'd probably be upset about it. But then again, I'd probably be upset because that's not something I WOULD DO to one of my family members.

DH and I got engaged at the same time as his brother did. At that time, his other brother had been engaged for one year and was planning a 6/04 wedding. The newly engaged brother decided to have their wedding one month later in 7/04. I was in SHOCK! Like, how could you pick a date so close to your siblings....that means more money for your guests, and more travelling, and just more of everything. That's asking a lot of people IMO!

So, DH and I didn't want to put any one out, and we didn't want to take away anyone's thunder, so we talked and WE decided to wait one year before doing ours because we wanted to "give his family" a break from the wedding chaos. We wanted it to be our own time! We didn't want to share it.

Maybe that's selfish. But you only get one shot at this wedding deal, and we did want it to be about us!

I realize not everyone thinks that way, and they think the more the merrier. I'm thinking that's what your brother is thinking. He's probably not really getting why this would be a big deal. But he already had a wedding once (and a marriage that failed) so maybe his priorities are a bit skewed. If he wants to get married again, why not wait until a month AFTER your wedding. Let you go first, since you've been planning all this already and he's just now thinking about doing it.

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

I think that is very selfish of your brother. He should wait until after your wedding. What does your family think?

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

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Posted by BRIDEMICHELE

This of his as a practice wedding. It's going to be little and all the FL weddings I've been to have sucked! So then when your big day comes- It'll really stand out. Everyone who was at your brother's will be thinking to themselves "OMG- This wedding is so much better". And it's true- your wedding will be special no matter what your silly brother does. Plus, from what you say, your marriage has a good chance of lasting longer!

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Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

You seriously cannot help how you feel and I can REALLY understand where you are coming from.

I obviously don't know your brother, but his wedding may or may NOT even come to pass. He's NOT even divorced yet and the first 3 months of a new romance are romantic and idealistic and easy to get caught up in (or rebound!?!?). Sounds pretty precarious.... So, that may be one of my biggest worries for him (jumping so quickly into this new marriage).

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this difficult situation....

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

You never know, his wedding may not even happen.

I'm not going to tell you how you should feel, but his wedding is a couple of months before yours. If ti was a couple of weeks, then I think I'd really be upset.

I am also an "older" first time bride (38). Your family will be excited for you no matter how much time there is between the two weddings.

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

My family feels my brother's wedding is a little rushed, too. And most of them think he's being selfish, but most say 'he's a guy' and isn't thinking things through beause he's in love with a new girl.

I think most of my family is more p*ssed about having to fly to Florida.

Thanks for all the input. I'm giving it a few days, we'll see what comes to pass.

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

I'm sorry that you're going through this - but I would be really upset. Why on earth does he need to get married in April? Why can't he wait until next fall or something? Besides being upsetting it is also perplexing. I got engaged 2 months after my brother - he had scheduled his wedding for August 2005 so I planned my for May 2006 - I had to wait my turn, no big deal. He should really wait.

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

I would ask him to have his wedding after yours.

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

I am going through the same thing except with a "friend" of mine. Everyone told me not to get upset that my wedding will be special but it still bothers me. There is really nothing I can do about it....

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

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Posted by kmkelly

So here's my question. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Am I being selfish? Oversensitive? How would you handle it?

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Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

I would probably be a little bit upset. My BM just got married last week and I am getting married in a week and a half. Hers was at City Hall however and she planned it 1 month ago. I wasn't really upset about that though. So how small is his wedding going to be, that would make or break my feelings.

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

You are entitled to feel how you feel. If it upsets you that is okay.

I don't know how I would feel about it though.

I would talk to him about why he is rushing into a marriage before he is even divorced, and try and find out what his motivation is. It might help sort out your feelings to the point where you KNOW you are right about feeling the way you are without asking us, or you might realize that he is just off in neverland and it has no effect whatsoever on you and your day and will no longer be a care or concern in your mind.

Re: I'm a little upset - long post, sorry

I would probably be a little bit upset. My BM just got married last week and I am getting married in a week and a half. Hers was at City Hall however and she planned it 1 month ago. I wasn't really upset about that though. So how small is his wedding going to be, that would make or break my feelings.

His wedding will be on the small side, but everyone there will be my wedding party. Plus a lot of the same people. But not as big.