first post..and i want to cry

hi everyone!!!!
i am new to li and i have been engaged for over a year now.
the reason for wanting to cry??? not being able to afford a wedding.
and when i say not being able to afford a wedding... i dont mean a WEDDING ...i mean even 50 people ..no frills wedding. my fiancee just doesnt get that even cheapish wedding cost 10k plus.

he wont do justice of the peace or destination wedding bc he feels veryyyy strongly that his family MUST be there.
i have brought up every option like just parents and best friends...and a dinner..but he says he would rather wait to save up so we can have a 'real wedding'

isnt it funny that this is the only thing we disagree on?? he is more of a chick lol when it comes to getting married than i am
we have been dating for 3 1/2 yrs..and engaged over a year and the idea of waitng for another 2 years plus makes me very said.

we are not babies either..both in our 30s.

my parents have passed on..and his parents havent offered to help finacially so its all on us.
and with relocating to ny..this just seems impossible.

i WANT to be sooo happy that i am engaged..but if one more person asks when the wedding is..i am going to lose it.

i dont have a date ( although the site here required i pick one to register..so disregard)

i have been researching on here for a month or so and nothing seems feasible unless i dont want to get married for another 5 years.

on one hand why should it matter if we are both in love and content when we get married..on the other hand i jsut want to make it official already since we 'feel' married for the last couple of years.

i am soooooo frustrated not only with prices..but whyyyyyy does he care more than i do about a 'wedding'

is any one else in this predicament ..that their FH cares more than you do??? arghs ty xoxo jenn

Re: first post..and i want to cry

I was in the same boat when we got engaged.

I wanted to go to Vegas and get married. (This would have been perfectly fine with my dad!!) FH is the one that wanted the whole wedding. The reason being, is that his only other sibling lives in Oregon, is gay and already got married in city hall there. He said he couldn't deny his parents their only chance to be involved in a wedding. It means a lot to them, and judging by how ecstatic they are that we are having a wedding, I can see his point.

I have 2 older brothers who have had weddings already. I'm the only girl and my parents still wouldn't have cared how I got married as long as I was happy. However, I know deep down inside my mother wants to see me walk down the aisle in the princess dress she always envisioned me wearing. My mother has been sick for a while, so I know this one thing regardless of how much it costs us will make her happy.

Since your parents have passed on, I can only think of maybe your FH wants to make sure his family sees him get married with the wedding and all. Maybe they have been waiting for this a long time too!!

Another thing that did strike me funny with my FH almost being like a chick....he said he always envisioned at his wedding his bride would have the white dress and the long train ( I originally wanted a red gown ). I seriously didn't think guys cared about such things!!

FYI we are in our 30s also, and couldn't see ourselves pushing it forward another year either.

Re: first post..and i want to cry

hi..thanks so much for responding!!!!!

my FH is an only child..so you are right ..he really wants this wedding not just for himself but for his family.

i am trying to be understanding... but i guess i feel this wedding will be morefor him than for me..and i guess thats the compromise to make when beign a married couple.

if its not too much to ask...are you paying for the wedding or is family helping?

maybe i am just rotten,,,but i was really hoping his family would at least offer to help a little bit..but that is not the case. his family list so far is about 50-60 people and my list is about 10.

i think its wonderful that you are getting married since you mentioned your mom isnt well. i bet she is realllllly looking forward to your big day :)

although i havent pictured myself in a red dress..i definately pictured something non traditional....:)

our FH's are 'chicks' indeed...maybe they should have a girl's night out together !! lol jk

ty for responding xoxo jenn

Re: first post..and i want to cry

Same boat - FI wants a wedding and we are older. I tried to get him to elope - even took him to Vegas He did not go for it.

His mom died over 20 years ago so it's not for her sake and 3 of his 4 siblings had weddings already. I am realizing why he's into it though after visiting one of his aunts recently. His family is just really big on weddings (while mine does JoP). His aunt has thank you pics from at least 50 family weddings.

Oh - and my must invite list is under 20 people but the total list is 212 And we are paying for it all on our own. I wouldn't dream of asking my dad - who already said we should elope.

Re: first post..and i want to cry

akamrst,,

do you feel resentful at all that you are paying so much..when the numbers on the lists are soo different..ie his is soooo much larger than yours??

or is it just me?btw ..omg your wedding is going to be HUGE!! thats alot of people..whew..do you know when/where you are getting married??

xoxo jenn

Re: first post..and i want to cry

FM

Re: first post..and i want to cry

We are paying for everything ourselves.

We got about $400 total from his family in engagement gifts and my family paid for half of my dress ($700). Other than that, we are on our own.

My guest list is actually slightly larger than FH's, by about maybe 10-15 people, but even with that, we will still have maybe 90 people tops, and that is if everyone we invite shows up. More than likely we will have closer to 75.

There are plenty of ways to save on a wedding. Thinking outside of the box will definitely help you, along with doing a lot of do-it-yourself (DIY) projects.

As a matter of fact I have about 98 DIY invites leftover that you can print off your printer if you want them!!

Re: first post..and i want to cry

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Posted by prunepie

akamrst,,

do you feel resentful at all that you are paying so much..when the numbers on the lists are soo different..ie his is soooo much larger than yours??

or is it just me?btw ..omg your wedding is going to be HUGE!! thats alot of people..whew..do you know when/where you are getting married??

xoxo jenn

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Of the 212, there is no way they would all come so we are not too worried about that. I am thinking 150 - 175 at the most. The list is not totally imbalanced anymore. My must invite list is 20 but we are about 50/50 with the guest list now that I've added family & friends.

I don't think I will resent having the wedding.........but I do worry (as does FI) that I will resent him if we DON'T have a wedding. He's had lots of friends in that predicament and they fight with their wives after attending weddings all the time although the wives obviously agreed to elope

Re: first post..and i want to cry

Will you consider having a wedding on an 'off' night? Weeknight weddings at some places are very reasonable. Just a thought...

Re: first post..and i want to cry

There definitely are ways to do a wedding less expensively. I'm an older first-time bride (late 30s), and we are paying for almost everything (my mom bought my dress).

If you want a smaller wedding, look at restaurants instead of traditional catering halls. Look at having it on an 'off day' (Thursday/Sunday) or at an 'off time' -- we are having our wedding on a Sunday morning and instead of serving a dinner, we are doing a breakfast brunch. That alone is saving us a TON of money. Recruit talented friends to help -- a friend of ours is a great photographer, and she agreed to do our wedding.

There are tons of DIY projects that will help save $$. I made our invitations, programs, and placecards. Instead of real flowers, I did all the bouquets, bouts, and corsages out of silk flowers, and I put the bouquets together myself (I believe AC Moore and Michaels will create the bouquets, etc if you purchase the flowers from them).

We aren't doing flower centerpieces (using antiqute oil lanterns instead). We are doing a donation favor to a local animal rescue in our guests name, so we are giving them a small box of candy along with a card that describes the donation.

Our wedding is going to be less than $10K -- probably closer to $7K. But it isn't going to look cheap.

Re: first post..and i want to cry

Depending on the number of people, the Maine Maid Inn might work, we liked it but we had too many people. They have smaller rooms, and its really pretty. Milleridge Inn also has very small rooms, so you could talk to your Fiancee about a simple ceremony and a family/close friends dinner or lunch... Good luck!

Re: first post..and i want to cry

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have been with my FI for going on 10 years and wanted to get married on our 11th year anniversary. But we thought about it, if we pushed to have it next year we woiuld have to say alot of can't afford this or that. We have about 200 guests.

At first I was sad waiting another year, but I was like o well we not going anywhere.

Here are a few things to consider;

Find a hall with a package. Ariana Waterfall is a beatiful place for about 100 people. They have a package that includes photo, dj, and video, even centerpieces. You can have a wedding for under 10 k. Did I mention they also include a limo.

Another thing to consider is an off night. If you get married on a monday holiday the price can go from 115 to 70 dollars easliy (let me know if you want to know which hall).

And last thing, if you have to make lunch everyday and bring to work in order to save for your wedding, DO IT. That is my plan.

Things will work out.

Re: first post..and i want to cry

Also an off month like January makes the price so much cheaper on everything. Pick something in the first week of January and a Sunday afternoon at a restaurant. You can have a buffet instead of sit down meal and get pictures done and wait to do the albums later when you have more $$.

Re: first post..and i want to cry

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Posted by prunepie

maybe i am just rotten,,,but i was really hoping his family would at least offer to help a little bit..but that is not the case. his family list so far is about 50-60 people and my list is about 10.

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Do you think they are they in any financial position to help out? If so, maybe you could politely ask them to pay for their guests. Explain that your FH really wants to do this for his family, that you would have trouble affording it, etc. Maybe they think you're set on paying for it yourself and that's why they haven't offered. Who knows.

Also, there are many ways to cut costs and still have a nice reception. Finding the place is tricky, but maybe try a nice restaurant instead of a catering hall. It would still have the same effect. And there are so many things you can do yourself.

Re: first post..and i want to cry

bktoli..

if only my printer worked!! lol grrrr!!!! gotta get it fixed.

i guess i better shape up on my 'martha' skills for diy stuff... i suck at all that stuff lol

ty xo jenn

Re: first post..and i want to cry

i have no prob with an off night at all.. my only concern is out of town guests not being able to come mid week...

do places do mid weeks or just mon, fri, sat and sun?

just curious.. nice to meet you xo jenn

Re: first post..and i want to cry

frosty,
the oil lanterns sound beautiful!!!!! great idea!!!!

when you say under 10 k... does that include dress, honeymoon everything?? or just the hall/food etc?
just curious!! ty xo jenn

Re: first post..and i want to cry

hi shortbride,,where did you end up booking? i see your wedding is soon!! xo jenn

Re: first post..and i want to cry

hi enjft,

i always thought holidays would be more expensive? hmmm

thanks for the ideas.
my lil heart has been set on the riviera..but i guess i shouldnt get so set since i havent seen many other places in person.

xo jenn

Re: first post..and i want to cry

hi bluize..
money aside i have always wanted to get married outside under a gazebo... but if january has to be it..then darn it so be it!! lol

xo jenn