Very Upset (vent- kind of long)

I think I know when my Bridal Shower is. But that isn't what's upsetting me. From everything adding up, I have come to realize that one of my BM is not attending becase she has a class that day. I'm very upset that she does not want to skip out on the class that day. I know it seems selfish, but I have NOT asked for any help for wedding plans from her. She also has not shown interest in any of the wedding planning. It does not help that she is also a MOH at my other friend's wedding the month after mine. I found out that she is skipping class that day to help set up for that shower.
I have had the worst time with ALL my BM. It's only recently that one of them has offered her help, but she is too busy anyway to do anything. The other BM is already complaining about pics because she feels too 'fat' to be in the pics. Did I really need to know that she is reluctant to take pics NOW? Why couldn't they all think about being BM before actually saying yes?! I am seriously having a breakdown, and considering not having any BM. I don't see the point in their roles except wearing dresses that match each other. What else are they going to do? Everything that they say is either a complaint or a 'NO'.
Oh yeah, to top that off, my MOH is not attending my shower either. There is no way she can make it here because she lives across the country and cannot get away from there right now. Let's hope she can make the wedding!
This whole wedding planning has been very stressful and hurtful (emotionally). And it's not the details that are making me crazy, it's the people who are actually in my bridal party!

Re: Very Upset (vent- kind of long)

Re: Very Upset (vent- kind of long)

Before you jump down anyone's throat, are you sure you know when your shower is, and that the BM definitely won't be there? It could all be a setup, so make sure you know for fact, and if you're right, confront them. It's the only way to get it out and feel better.

Re: Very Upset (vent- kind of long)

Curliegirl makes a good point. It could be a set up... make sure they aren't just trying to make you really surprised!

Re: Very Upset (vent- kind of long)

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Posted by curliegirl

Before you jump down anyone's throat, are you sure you know when your shower is, and that the BM definitely won't be there? It could all be a setup, so make sure you know for fact, and if you're right, confront them. It's the only way to get it out and feel better.

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i was wondering that too! maybe they have a plan in place to really getcha.

Re: Very Upset (vent- kind of long)

Unfortunately, my aunt kind of spilled the beans. She's coming into town (from D.C.) this Friday and basically blurted it out. I confirmed with my FH not letting him know that I knew the date, but asked him point blank, 'is she (my BM) coming to my shower.' I guess from my tone and demeanor he knew I wasn't messing around. At that point I told him, I don't care about the date, but I want to know if she is attending. He said he didn't want me to be upset now, he asked why I wanted to know. The truth is, is that my BM basically told me herself. She is tied up on all Saturday mornings until the end of th year from 9 in the morning until late afternoon. So, if I didn't know the date, then I would still know she is not going to attend becuase she will only miss one day of class, the day of my other friend's shower. So, he finally admitted it and said she responded 'not attending' to the shower invite. She told him that she couldn't miss class more than once.

I will definitely hope that I'm wrong, but right now I'm so mad and hurt I don't know what to do with myself.

Re: Very Upset (vent- kind of long)

i'm a BM for a wedding of my good friend in virginia in november. and i can't go to her shower because i can't drive there on sunday and then drive home. and taking off of work on monday isn't an option.

i already called my friend and she completely understands. of course i'd be there if i could!

you have to realize that some people just can't do things--even if you expect them to. maybe the professor has a 'no missing class' policy. maybe her grade will be lowered. she'll still be your friend even if she's not at your shower.

i don't expect my friend in VA to be at my shower, bachelorette party AND wedding. as long as she's at my wedding that's all that matters.

but...it may be a setup!

Re: Very Upset (vent- kind of long)

From one Darlene to another - both of my BM live in different states. One in Virginia, the other in Arizona. I truly don't expect either one of them to make it to a bridal shower, even though the one in VA could drive up to NY for the weekend. Neither one can help with the planning etc either. This was something I knew when I asked them. I decided that since I have been friends with them for 25 and 15 years respectively, having them by my side on the actual day was more important than what they could or couldn't do in the year leading up to it. My MOH had a baby in June. She was the one person I thought I could count on, as the only person who lived on LI. Wrong!! My VA BM has tried on every BM dress I think I like and emailed me pics. My MOH went back to work today, but I couldn't get her to meet me ONCE to try on dresses during my lunch hour, or after work, or on Saturday or anything during the previous 2 months.

I have realized that weddings bring out the best and the worst of people. The reasons I asked those 3 to participate are just as valid today as they were when I asked them - regardless of how much angst I get between now and October 2006.

Be upset if you must, but remember why you asked your girls to stand by you.

Re: Very Upset (vent- kind of long)

I am so sorry that you are upset by these women. Unfortunately, our friends, even the closest ones, at times don't meet our expectations. I think you should talk to your BM directly if you want her to be there. Maybe she doesn't think its a big deal. For example, all my BMs are out of town and def don't expect them to be at my shower. But if I had a friend in town I would and I would just talk to her. If she was close enough to you to ask her to be one of your BMs, I am sure you can talk to her about this too. The point is that you are supposed to be happy and enjoying all of this. Don't let this get you down. It's almost over!

Re: Very Upset (vent- kind of long)

I'm sorry that your're having BM problems. I would have a problem myself dtiching a class just because I'm the one paying for them BUT I can't believe that they couldn't plan this another day so it wasn on a day where nothing major was going on. Mine is actually an evening one because everyone is working (including me).

Re: Very Upset (vent- kind of long)

I'm not sure what to say about your situation but I hope you can enjoy your shower regardless. I here is one of the best parts of this wedding process.

Re: Very Upset (vent- kind of long)

not to hijack... but my BP wasn't even at my shower (which was out of state)... not one of them.