Odd question...Jewish family going to church wedding?

One of our options is to have our wedding in my church (provided we could even find a rabbi or cantor..but just hypothetically), how do you think the Jewish side of the family would react?

Do you think they would come to the ceremony?
Would they come to just the reception?
Would they be so turned off by the chruch wedding that they wouldn't come to our wedding at all?

#1 would be great
#2 I can totally understand
but #3 would be really problematic

Re: Odd question...Jewish family going to church wedding?

well, I can honestly say that if FH and I were married in a church, some of my family might not come.

I'm Jewish, FH is Catholic. This is definitely a personal choice, but I would never get married in a church.

Re: Odd question...Jewish family going to church wedding?

personally i have been to weddings for jewish friends, as a kid i went to services for my friends' bar/bat mitzahs (SP) and I suspect that their will be family members and friends who are jewish who will be at my church ceremony... They are coming to see your and share in your happiness, they do not have to participate in the service obviously...

some may decide not to come
others may decide to come

but i dont think they 'will be turned off' and not come to the reception

Re: Odd question...Jewish family going to church wedding?

I don't think this is actually going to be in church, but I just want to make sure we understand all of the pros and cons of each choice

Re: Odd question...Jewish family going to church wedding?

I have attended weddings in church and I'm Jewish. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I think if they can't get understand that it was your wish to have it in the church, then they don't have to go.

Maybe I'm a little jaded, but plenty of my Christian friends have attended weddings in temples and my Jewish friends have attended church weddings.

Re: Odd question...Jewish family going to church wedding?

I go to church weddings and other types of celebrations for my non-Jewish friends with no problems what-so-ever.

As for my own famly, it is a little different. My brother would not get married in a church for a couple of reasons.

1) To not disrespect my parents.
2) Because the church wanted him to annul his first marriage that produced children. Even my SIL was turned off by that and thus does not follow Catholicism

He was married by a Reform Rabbi and an Episcopalian minister in the catering hall. It was appropriate and neither family was left feeling alienated. Customs from both faiths were incorporated in the ceremony and it was lovely. They had a unity candle, chuppah, stepped on the glass etc..

However, when it came to the time when his child was baptized in an Episcopalian church, I was left with uneasy feelings. It was very hard to watch my brother offer his child to be raised in the name of a savior he didn't believe in. I do understand that it was important for them to choose the religion for the child as a child is too young to do so. I also understand that in the Judeo-Christian school of thought, the religion is carried by the mother. My SIL even said if he wanted to convert later in life that would be fine. But even still, it was hard for me.

Re: Odd question...Jewish family going to church wedding?

My family probably would have attended had I been married in church, but they would not be happy about it. I think my mother would have thrown a fit.

Re: Odd question...Jewish family going to church wedding?

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Posted by Goldi1021



However, when it came to the time when his child was baptized in an Episcopalian church, I was left with uneasy feelings. It was very hard to watch my brother offer his child to be raised in the name of a savior he didn't believe in. I do understand that it was important for them to choose the religion for the child as a child is too young to do so. I also understand that in the Judeo-Christian school of thought, the religion is carried by the mother. My SIL even said if he wanted to convert later in life that would be fine. But even still, it was hard for me.

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That's hard. FH's cousin's husband is Christian and he agreed to raise the kids 100% Jewish. He doesn't even speak of his faith to his children. He has to deny it in front of them. They think it's this brave and heroic decision, but I find it so so sad. I don't think anyone should have to give up his or her faith, I think at least some part of it should be passed down. Even if you're raised Jewish only, or christian only, I think it's possible to pass on certain aspects. I can't imagine giving it up, or asking my husband to do so. I can imagine it must be so difficult. But I guess they feel they're doing what's best for the child. There are always sacrifices

Re: Odd question...Jewish family going to church wedding?

I agree with you Jen. Nobody should have to give up anything. My nephew is Episcopalian but my brother does not deny nor did he renounce his faith. In fact, his wife, my SIL, embraces it and oftentimes prepares Jewish holiday meals - of course not kosher but we never were so we aren't kidding ourselves. My brother has children of two faiths and they are each exposed to every custom and holiday celebrated by my brother and his wife. Would my nieces go to church? No. But neither does my brother. My SIL goes with my nephew and her parents to church on holidays and when she feels the desire. It works for them. With our last name, it is VERY hard to deny our religious and cultural background. Everyone assumes that my SIL and nephew are Jewish. It is pretty funny.

And even within our own faith, FH and I have many differences of opinion. I lean towards the Reform movement and he is much more conservative. Some people even find the differences akin to two different religions altogether. This morning, we had a great talk about what we are going to do once we have children. I told him that we shouldn't join a synagogue until we BUY a home (about 2-3 years after the wedding). At that point we will more than likely have a kosher home but until then we will have Shabbos dinners, lighting candles and having wine with havdalah candles too. We want our children to know who they are and where they came from by actually living a certain way WITH them rather than going through the motions without meaning.

(By the way this has absolutely no relevance to the subject but people need to know that the movement is REFORM Judaism and not REFORMED - sorry but that drives me BONKERS. The word 'reformed' implies that we made a change for the better from a worse alternative. WHEW! I'm done with my rant now.)

Re: Odd question...Jewish family going to church wedding?

I think it is very hard for a Jewish family to come see a family member get married in a church. Try a neutral place with a rabbi and a Priest. I think parents and grandparents could be very upset going to a church for there loved one, sorry.