Would you be upset? Sorry its a bit long!

Yesterday was my bridal shower, and it was a complete surprise. And I had a fantastic time. My mom, MOH, FSIL, and my other friends put so much work into it - a friend from college who lives outside Philadelphia drove up and surprised me.
One of my bridesmaids, my college roommate, was not able to come up - she lives in DC, and has a lot going on right now financially (basically the condo she bought last year is uninhabitable and it will cost thousands to repair the damage, so she's been homeless and living w/ her boyfriend for months, while paying her mortgage and rent to his PIA roommates)....so I never would have expected her to come - and my MOH and mom told me that she told them early on that she couldn't make it because of that. All fine...and I would totally understand.
Now, I come to find out that she never returned any of the emails from my MOH after the first one saying she couldn't come but to let her know if she could do anything to help. And to top it off, she is going on vacation to Mexico with her boyfriend for a week next week!
I don't know, I totally understand her financial situation, and I don't know who is paying for their trip, I just feel a tad slighted that she didn't even send a card or call me last night to see how it was!

Re: Would you be upset? Sorry its a bit long!

of course i would be upset too, but maybe there is something behind it, like someone else is paying,however there really is no excuse not to send a card

Re: Would you be upset? Sorry its a bit long!

I know how you feel. One of my BM was super cheap with my shower and my wedding (and I mean SUPER cheap) meanwhile she had take a trip to Turks and Caicos and put in a share for a summer rental. I was pissed and felt completetly slighted by her. When you agree to be part of a BP you DO have certain obligations to meet.

Re: Would you be upset? Sorry its a bit long!

I think you should wait and give your friend a few more days to call you to ask how the shower went. I don't think you should judge the vacation because her boyfriend could be treating her to the entire thing.

*As for the above post, i dont mean to be mean.... BUT you girls all have to realize that being in a wedding is VERY expensive. Sometimes it is too expensive if you ask me. You can't expect everyone in your wedding to put in as much as another. You also need to remember... that this is YOUR wedding and yes your life might be all about your wedding at the moment, but its not your friends life. You can't expect your friend to stop her life and not take a vacation because of YOUR wedding. So what if she went on vacation... doesn't everyone have the right to splurge on themselves? You have to remember... you asked her to be in your wedding and you're supposed to be extremely happy that she said yes.

So when did it become about the money and/or what you receive???

(I do understand where you're coming from... but it's a bit selfish to ask someone else to stop their life for you and to put all their money towards your wedding activities IMO).

Re: Would you be upset? Sorry its a bit long!

I was feeling a little selfish for being upset - and as I said in the post I understand why she couldn't make it, vacation or not. And as for expecting a gift, my FI and I have told her under several occassions that we don't expect anything b/c the expense of coming up here is more than enough, and we would never expect anything.
I guess I just felt bad that she didn't respond to my MOH and showed little interest on that end. I was disappointed that she couldn't make it, b/c we don't see each other nearly enough as I would like, and I guess that just added to it!

Re: Would you be upset? Sorry its a bit long!

I would also be upset. It doesn't cost much money to help with a bridal shower, if you are making some decorations or even giving ideas for games and activities. It really only takes some time and effort. That's all your BM had to do to show some interest. So yes, I totally understand why you're upset

Re: Would you be upset? Sorry its a bit long!

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Posted by m&m

I was feeling a little selfish for being upset - and as I said in the post I understand why she couldn't make it, vacation or not. And as for expecting a gift, my FI and I have told her under several occassions that we don't expect anything b/c the expense of coming up here is more than enough, and we would never expect anything.
I guess I just felt bad that she didn't respond to my MOH and showed little interest on that end. I was disappointed that she couldn't make it, b/c we don't see each other nearly enough as I would like, and I guess that just added to it!

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I totally understand your frustration, but as you mentioned, she sounds like she is in a really bad situation. She is probably so overwhelmed with her own problems, that she isn't able to think straight and realize that she might be hurting your feelings.

She might have not wanted to go see people and then discuss her situation again and again.

Maybe you should send her an email telling her about the shower and let her know she was missed.

Re: Would you be upset? Sorry its a bit long!

I would definately be upset if she was the one paying for Mexico. In times of financial need, her boyfriend may be the one paying for the trip as a gesture to take her mind off of her stress.

Re: Would you be upset? Sorry its a bit long!

I would be upset. A phone call does not cost much.