best friend advice

I need advice...I've had a friend for 22 years who I haven't spoken to much in the last 2 years (Maybe once every 3 months). I've always considered her my best friend even tho we don't talk all that much. I called her to tell her I got engaged and she was talking like she assumed she'd be in the bridal party. I thought, fine, I was going to ask her anyway...but then my phone conversation got cut short and I had to hang up. She never called me back to hear the details of my engagement, she hasn't seen my ring, and its about 25 days later now. I am so pissed off!!! I know if I 'X' her from my bridal party we will no longer be friends and I don't want that. What to do???

Re: best friend advice

My opinion is simple... look at your life in 5 years... do you see her in it? To what extent? I look at my sister who got married 4 years ago. She had these girls in her BP that she no longer speaks to. I think that these pictures are pictures you will have for a lifetime and you should be pretty sure that you are going to have the BMs in the picture for a lifetime. You know?
In your heart, do you want her to be a BM? Follow your heart, I dont thing that chosing your BMs should be about feeling obligated to do so. JMHO. Good luck!

Re: best friend advice

I think Lisa is right and makes some good points. But I also believe that your BMs aren't just the people who will be with you in the future but those that helped get you to where you are today. You say this girl is your best friend and you've been friends for 22 years, so I would ask her seeing as she's been an important part of your life thus far. Even if you 2 do continue to stray, looking back at your wedding pics you'll be able to remember all the good times you had with her. I wouldn't let some recent occurences get in the way of that, they seem minor in comparison to your long lasting friendship. Don't be so hasty to cut her short, take this as an opportunity to rekindle what once was.

Re: best friend advice

My mother still speaks to her best friend from highschool, not often, but they still speak and love each other very much. I don't think you should measure a friendship by how much you speak to someone. People have lives and get busy, which makes it harder to catch up. Your engagement isn't the center of her world, so don't blame her for not seeing you. It takes 2 to make a relationship work. Have you made any attempt to call her or get together with her? If not then you can't blame her. She is someone that you will always have in your life. Don't cut her out. I say this because I was in the same situation as you. I had just started a new relationship with my FH when my best friend from highschool got engaged. Of course I was so happy for her, but I was spending every minute of my life either working or with my new boyfriend who lived a 1/2 hour away. Finally I was home one weekend and stopped by her house to see her ring, but she wasn't there, she was out gown shopping with a mutual friend. I went to her engagement party and found out I wasn't in the bridal party. She told my sister that whoever came to see her ring first between me and our mutual friend Laura, that person would be in the wedding party. I could think of nothing more catty. I was really upset that she cut me out because I couldn't run fast enough to see her ring. Our friendship hasn't been the same since.

I think that brides tend to think they are the center of the universe. I'm very guilty of it. I've definately had my moments. But the reality is, she's your friend, and she will be there for you. Maybe just not at your beckoned call like most brides expect. Don't cut her out, you will ruin a long friendship over something very trivial in the long run.

Re: best friend advice

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Posted by babybug631

My mother still speaks to her best friend from highschool, not often, but they still speak and love each other very much. I don't think you should measure a friendship by how much you speak to someone. People have lives and get busy, which makes it harder to catch up. Your engagement isn't the center of her world, so don't blame her for not seeing you. It takes 2 to make a relationship work. Have you made any attempt to call her or get together with her? If not then you can't blame her. She is someone that you will always have in your life. Don't cut her out. I say this because I was in the same situation as you. I had just started a new relationship with my FH when my best friend from highschool got engaged. Of course I was so happy for her, but I was spending every minute of my life either working or with my new boyfriend who lived a 1/2 hour away. Finally I was home one weekend and stopped by her house to see her ring, but she wasn't there, she was out gown shopping with a mutual friend. I went to her engagement party and found out I wasn't in the bridal party. She told my sister that whoever came to see her ring first between me and our mutual friend Laura, that person would be in the wedding party. I could think of nothing more catty. I was really upset that she cut me out because I couldn't run fast enough to see her ring. Our friendship hasn't been the same since.

I think that brides tend to think they are the center of the universe. I'm very guilty of it. I've definately had my moments. But the reality is, she's your friend, and she will be there for you. Maybe just not at your beckoned call like most brides expect. Don't cut her out, you will ruin a long friendship over something very trivial in the long run.

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Wow, very well put and pretty much what i would have said. I wouldn't put too much into her not running to see your ring.. i mean when you think about it, the ring isn't the important thing anyway..
If you were considering her a friend and someone who you were going to ask to be a BM anyway, then you should still do that.

Re: best friend advice

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Posted by babybug631

My mother still speaks to her best friend from highschool, not often, but they still speak and love each other very much. I don't think you should measure a friendship by how much you speak to someone. People have lives and get busy, which makes it harder to catch up. Your engagement isn't the center of her world, so don't blame her for not seeing you. It takes 2 to make a relationship work. Have you made any attempt to call her or get together with her? If not then you can't blame her. She is someone that you will always have in your life. Don't cut her out. I say this because I was in the same situation as you. I had just started a new relationship with my FH when my best friend from highschool got engaged. Of course I was so happy for her, but I was spending every minute of my life either working or with my new boyfriend who lived a 1/2 hour away. Finally I was home one weekend and stopped by her house to see her ring, but she wasn't there, she was out gown shopping with a mutual friend. I went to her engagement party and found out I wasn't in the bridal party. She told my sister that whoever came to see her ring first between me and our mutual friend Laura, that person would be in the wedding party. I could think of nothing more catty. I was really upset that she cut me out because I couldn't run fast enough to see her ring. Our friendship hasn't been the same since.

I think that brides tend to think they are the center of the universe. I'm very guilty of it. I've definately had my moments. But the reality is, she's your friend, and she will be there for you. Maybe just not at your beckoned call like most brides expect. Don't cut her out, you will ruin a long friendship over something very trivial in the long run.

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I couldn't agree more. Reach out to her. Plan a lunch or drinks with just the two of you. Maybe she was a little put off that you didn't just come out and ask her to be in the bridal party?

Re: best friend advice

If you think that you can depend on her not only for the wedding but in life and if she is someone who you can go to then by all means.

I have a very similar situation-almost like it does not matter if you speak once a year or everyday-you will always be that close BUT when it came down to it I did not ask her because although I love her I can not depend on her. I am not about to run after someone for fittings etc-she will be at the wedding and being a true friend I know she will party like a rockstar and have no worries about not being asked.

Why not talk to her and see what she has to say-or how she sees your friendship.

Re: best friend advice

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Posted by LisaJill

My opinion is simple... look at your life in 5 years... do you see her in it? To what extent? I look at my sister who got married 4 years ago. She had these girls in her BP that she no longer speaks to. I think that these pictures are pictures you will have for a lifetime and you should be pretty sure that you are going to have the BMs in the picture for a lifetime. You know?
In your heart, do you want her to be a BM? Follow your heart, I dont thing that chosing your BMs should be about feeling obligated to do so. JMHO. Good luck!

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awwwwwwwwwwwww Im so happy to be your bridesmaid Lisa!!!!!!!!
xoxoxooxoxox

Re: best friend advice

I agree w/ the fact that your wedding is not the center of her world......BUT, this person has been your friend for most of your life and has not called to ask you about the details of your engagement ? how he proposed ? if you LOVE your ring ?? I'd be a little disappointed and 'put off' too if I were in your shoes.

I asked a friend to be a BM when I was in a similar situation as you .........I did it only b/c I knew she was expecting it and I couldn't do something the I KNEW would hurt her feelings. - If I wasn't such a sucker, I would have avoided it. - If you have the nerve to NOT ask her, and that's what you really want to do. - Then don't ask her.

Re: best friend advice

I def agree with trying to get things 'rekindled' if you will. Ask her for dinner or something and see if she reciprocates after the dinner is over.... if so and things work out... GREAT!!

If not and she doesn't show initiative to keep the friendship alive... maybe she's not up to being in the bridal party!

GOOD LUCK!

Re: best friend advice

I would ask that's just me though I'd prefer not to hurt & / or dissapoint, that's just me though