Living away from your husband

Anyone not live or won't be living with their husband? FH just got a great 2 year job offer 7 hours away that he has to take but I can't give up my job. How hard is it to live apart?

Re: Living away from your husband

THats reallly tough. FH and I don't live together now, we only see each other on weekends, but I can't imagine doing that once we are married.
Is it worth it for a two year position? What happens after the two years?

Re: Living away from your husband

Thats going to be hard. I couldnt imagine that.
Is the job really worth the extra strain on your relationship??? What about all the money you will spend on traveling to see one another?

I would sit down with your husband and reevaluate your decision.

Re: Living away from your husband

It's a judicial clerkship which is supposed to be very difficult to get and great for a career as a lawyer. If anyone would give up their job it would be me but that is hard to do when I have a good income working a very NYC based field. Plus, he would be coming back here after the 2 years since both are families are here, so I would have to get 2 new jobs if I did move. I suppose we will start off with living apart and then I may just give up and move to him.

Re: Living away from your husband

Before we were married DH and I were apart quite often. I was on tour for a year and he would go out on tour for 6 months at a time. It was tough, but we managed to survive by speaking to each other on a regular basis and trying to visit each other whenever possible. It actually brought us closer because we valued our time together more.

Re: Living away from your husband

I think it depends on the relationship. My friend lived apart from her husband for the first few years of marriage. It wasn't that hard for them because they were used to doing a long distance relationship while they were dating and engaged.

Re: Living away from your husband

i've dated my FH for four years and we have never lived near each other (50 miles apart).

it's been tough at times... but i guess since we didn't know what it was like being "together" all the time, we didn't know what we were missing... this is what i am most looking forward to with marriage...seeing him every day.

that said, that job IS an amazing opportunity. i think anything is possible and as long as the love and commitment is there...i think it's fine.

if i became a US Congresswoman, I wouldn't expect my future husband to give up his job - that's what frequent flier miles are for! (ok, secret dream....)

you can definitely do it and you will be ok!

Re: Living away from your husband

Unfortunately we have been living together for years so it would be a big change! It's worth a shot anyhow..and absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

Of course what I didn't mention is that he will start the job a few weeks before the wedding so I guess all last minute details have to be handled by me! Yikes!

Re: Living away from your husband

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Posted by Suzannebride

Unfortunately we have been living together for years so it would be a big change! It's worth a shot anyhow..and absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

Of course what I didn't mention is that he will start the job a few weeks before the wedding so I guess all last minute details have to be handled by me! Yikes!

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Re: Living away from your husband

Thanks

Re: Living away from your husband

It will be difficult, but two years will go by really quickly.

Plus it will be so special when you get a chance to see each other.

Re: Living away from your husband

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Posted by Suzannebride

It's a judicial clerkship which is supposed to be very difficult to get and great for a career as a lawyer. If anyone would give up their job it would be me but that is hard to do when I have a good income working a very NYC based field. Plus, he would be coming back here after the 2 years since both are families are here, so I would have to get 2 new jobs if I did move. I suppose we will start off with living apart and then I may just give up and move to him.

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Re: Living away from your husband

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Posted by Suzannebride

It's a judicial clerkship which is supposed to be very difficult to get and great for a career as a lawyer. If anyone would give up their job it would be me but that is hard to do when I have a good income working a very NYC based field. Plus, he would be coming back here after the 2 years since both are families are here, so I would have to get 2 new jobs if I did move. I suppose we will start off with living apart and then I may just give up and move to him.

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Re: Living away from your husband

I can imagine that it would be incredibly difficult, even for only 2 years. One couple that are friends of mine recently called off their engagement because she moved to PA for grad school...Slowly she became reliant on friends more, and when they got a chance to talk it was short conversations and neither felt the other really knew what was going on in each other's lives.

Good luck, whatever you choose. I'm in the middle of my doctorate and make as much as my husband, but I would give it up to be with him instead of 7 hours away.

Re: Living away from your husband

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Posted by zpasigna

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Posted by Suzannebride

It's a judicial clerkship which is supposed to be very difficult to get and great for a career as a lawyer. If anyone would give up their job it would be me but that is hard to do when I have a good income working a very NYC based field. Plus, he would be coming back here after the 2 years since both are families are here, so I would have to get 2 new jobs if I did move. I suppose we will start off with living apart and then I may just give up and move to him.

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Oh my goodness!! girl i feel for you.. my FH is starting medical school fall 2006 in DC! It really sux because i can't really move either.. just started a great job in the city so i don't wanna leave.. sometimes i feel selfish for not wanting to go with him but i like being a career woman and yes we have the weekends!but who knows i have till sept..i will probably follow him..and 2 years is not bad.. not compared to 4 years good luck everything!

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Re: Living away from your husband

DH and I are living apart right now but it is only for a few months. We are in the process of moving to Raleigh, NC and he started his job there on November 1. I had to stay and work for December and wanted to be here when my sister has her baby at the end of December.

It is very hard to be apart but we talk alot during the day over IM and at night with the cell phones (we are on a family plan). We both know we are doing this to better our future so it is a sacrifice we have decided to make. It isn't forever and when we do see each other, it's that much nicer

Re: Living away from your husband

It can be done and this sounds like it's worth it. My FH parents had to live in different countries when he and his brother were little for about 3 years. Like you said, you can always leave your job if it gets too rough. Maybe you can get your old job back if that happens? Congrats on his opportunity!

Re: Living away from your husband

Once you have a SOLID foundation you will get through this.

Ever since FH and I have been dating he has been going on differnt marketing jobs(tours- Any where from 3-8 months at a time) and we have survived( Afterall we ARE getting married)

Like I said IF the foundation is there... you will be fine. Make it your buiness to see each other every weekend.

With my FH touring I was able to go to different states to visit him which I knew I would never on any other occassion.

Re: Living away from your husband

If you have a solid foundation (which I'm sure you do) I think you can make anything work. It will be difficult for sure, but if you both stay focused on the wonderful things you are doing for your career and future together it will work!

Re: Living away from your husband

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Posted by nov04LIbride

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Posted by zpasigna

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Posted by Suzannebride

It's a judicial clerkship which is supposed to be very difficult to get and great for a career as a lawyer. If anyone would give up their job it would be me but that is hard to do when I have a good income working a very NYC based field. Plus, he would be coming back here after the 2 years since both are families are here, so I would have to get 2 new jobs if I did move. I suppose we will start off with living apart and then I may just give up and move to him.

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Oh my goodness!! girl i feel for you.. my FH is starting medical school fall 2006 in DC! It really sux because i can't really move either.. just started a great job in the city so i don't wanna leave.. sometimes i feel selfish for not wanting to go with him but i like being a career woman and yes we have the weekends!but who knows i have till sept..i will probably follow him..and 2 years is not bad.. not compared to 4 years good luck everything!

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I was dating someone in med school before meeting my DH, and that was one of the reasons why we broke up. Between med school, internships, and residency, we would have had no say in where we lived for about 8 years.

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Re: Living away from your husband

sounds like it would be worth it

you could see each other on the weekends right?

and courts are closed for like every holiday

you could have the week to yourself- gym,see friends

and then see each other ever weekend

sounds good to me- it's how the first 1.5 years of me and Jake's relationship was- we got everything done during the weekend and then spent the weekend together

it was nice
( he lived in suffolk and I lived in Manhattan!)

Re: Living away from your husband

Can I ask - what court? If it is the US supreme ct - then yes, it really is worth it, but if it is a lower level federal court - does he want to be a judge? Or make partner in BIG LAW? Does he already have an offer from a BIG LAW firm? Has he applied for other clerkships? Are any others still pending?

If he already has a job offer - see how many partners there have clerked - what is the ratio. If it is high, then that might be a pre req to making partner. Is the firm he has the offer with one where he would like to be a partner or does he aspire to move up?

As for your job, do you always see yourself working? would you want time off for a family? could you get a job elsewhere?

and lastly, if the roles were reversed would he do the same for you?

Re: Living away from your husband

yikes - I would not want to do that...i

Re: Living away from your husband

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Posted by lrs2005

Can I ask - what court? If it is the US supreme ct - then yes, it really is worth it, but if it is a lower level federal court - does he want to be a judge? Or make partner in BIG LAW? Does he already have an offer from a BIG LAW firm? Has he applied for other clerkships? Are any others still pending?

If he already has a job offer - see how many partners there have clerked - what is the ratio. If it is high, then that might be a pre req to making partner. Is the firm he has the offer with one where he would like to be a partner or does he aspire to move up?

As for your job, do you always see yourself working? would you want time off for a family? could you get a job elsewhere?

and lastly, if the roles were reversed would he do the same for you?

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Re: Living away from your husband

Girl, you should talk to me. My fiance took a contract with NOAA as an Marine Biologist in Alaska for the last year. He's basically out on fishing boats and he has to monitor what they catch, how much they catch, their bycatch etc....We decided to sacrifice for the $ this year because we plan on moving to Seattle permanently in February and want to buy a house. So right now he finally finished his contract and is in Seattle starting a land based job and I can't go until February when my condo is sold. I live in FL.I know how you feel. It does stink, but hopefully you won't be apart as much as my fiance and I have been this last year. Don't get me wrong he has been home a few times and it's really worse for him being stuck on a fishing boat in the Bering Sea, but I'll never do this again. It wasn't worth the $ to be apart.