Re: Living away from your husband

sounds like it would be worth it

you could see each other on the weekends right?

and courts are closed for like every holiday

you could have the week to yourself- gym,see friends

and then see each other ever weekend

sounds good to me- it's how the first 1.5 years of me and Jake's relationship was- we got everything done during the weekend and then spent the weekend together

it was nice
( he lived in suffolk and I lived in Manhattan!)

Re: Living away from your husband

Can I ask - what court? If it is the US supreme ct - then yes, it really is worth it, but if it is a lower level federal court - does he want to be a judge? Or make partner in BIG LAW? Does he already have an offer from a BIG LAW firm? Has he applied for other clerkships? Are any others still pending?

If he already has a job offer - see how many partners there have clerked - what is the ratio. If it is high, then that might be a pre req to making partner. Is the firm he has the offer with one where he would like to be a partner or does he aspire to move up?

As for your job, do you always see yourself working? would you want time off for a family? could you get a job elsewhere?

and lastly, if the roles were reversed would he do the same for you?

Re: Living away from your husband

yikes - I would not want to do that...i

Re: Living away from your husband

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Posted by lrs2005

Can I ask - what court? If it is the US supreme ct - then yes, it really is worth it, but if it is a lower level federal court - does he want to be a judge? Or make partner in BIG LAW? Does he already have an offer from a BIG LAW firm? Has he applied for other clerkships? Are any others still pending?

If he already has a job offer - see how many partners there have clerked - what is the ratio. If it is high, then that might be a pre req to making partner. Is the firm he has the offer with one where he would like to be a partner or does he aspire to move up?

As for your job, do you always see yourself working? would you want time off for a family? could you get a job elsewhere?

and lastly, if the roles were reversed would he do the same for you?

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I'm not sure of the court, but I know he said it is a really big deal for him.

I would like some time off for a family eventually but right now 2 incomes would really help us especially with school loans to pay off. I'm sure I could get some kind of a job elsewhere I just don't think I would be able to pull in the same salary.

And yes, he would absolutely do the same for me. He is really even willing to give up the opportunity so I won't be unhappy, but I would be really upset if I ruined his career!

Re: Living away from your husband

Girl, you should talk to me. My fiance took a contract with NOAA as an Marine Biologist in Alaska for the last year. He's basically out on fishing boats and he has to monitor what they catch, how much they catch, their bycatch etc....We decided to sacrifice for the $ this year because we plan on moving to Seattle permanently in February and want to buy a house. So right now he finally finished his contract and is in Seattle starting a land based job and I can't go until February when my condo is sold. I live in FL.I know how you feel. It does stink, but hopefully you won't be apart as much as my fiance and I have been this last year. Don't get me wrong he has been home a few times and it's really worse for him being stuck on a fishing boat in the Bering Sea, but I'll never do this again. It wasn't worth the $ to be apart.

Re: Living away from your husband

when FH and I get married we will be spending about 1-2 months apart a year maybe. we live in sydney and if i want to go home and see my family the airfare might be too much, depending on how much we save, for both of us to fly to NY. we talked about it and we know this is how it may be and we are ok with it.

most of our relationship has been long distance, until i moved here. we met in germany then he went back to sydney, and i went back to long island and we spent 6 months apart. it was really really tough, but it made me realise just how much i loved him. if you guys havent spent time apart i suggest you find something that you can do that will keep you closer. for example, hand written letters are really nice. i knew a couple that kept a diary and then gave it to each other at the end. there you can write your feelings etc.

also 2 years can go quick, because you know there will be an end in sight. there is no uncertainty.

for free phone calls get skype, which is an internet telephone service for free. all you need to buy is a headset. also write emails and make sure you have set times when you talk etc.

Re: Living away from your husband

i'm sorry you have to go through this kind of decision! myself personally...i know i wouldn't be able to handle it. FH and i don't live together...but we see each other everyday...and the idea of having to spend long periods of time apart from him would just not work for me. but everyone is different.

is the job really worth putting the first 2 yrs of your marriage under such a huge strain? marriage is tough enough these days...but to start it off with long distance is like having 2 strikes against you!

i hope you and FH can sit down a re-evaluate everything. seems to me that you are not at all happy about the decision, and that can lead to resentment later on.

good luck!

Re: Living away from your husband

Thanks for sharing your experiences everyone. It's nice to know other people have been in the same boat (LITERALLY for natinwpb). It's definitely important that he takes the job and it's up to me to figure out what to do. His is a career...mine is really just a job. So, we'll give it a shot and see what happens!

Re: Living away from your husband

Good luck with your decision. Don't sell yourself short. Your job is important too, but unfortunately I have learned that one or the other is going to have to compromise. It sounds like he has a good opportunity and it might be worth it to go with him. Who knows you might find a better job when you come back.

Re: Living away from your husband

Re: Living away from your husband

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Posted by Suzannebride

It's a judicial clerkship which is supposed to be very difficult to get and great for a career as a lawyer. If anyone would give up their job it would be me but that is hard to do when I have a good income working a very NYC based field. Plus, he would be coming back here after the 2 years since both are families are here, so I would have to get 2 new jobs if I did move. I suppose we will start off with living apart and then I may just give up and move to him.

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A judicial clerkship is very hard to get, but the rewards are unbelievable! This could pave the way toward a solid permanent job in the court system (gov't job, gov't benefits), it could pave the way toward any political aspirations he may have, or it could pave the way to him becoming a judge.

As for the time apart, with a solid foundation you can make it. 7 hours is not so far that you can't spend weekends together. The courts are closed for every conceivable holiday. And think about all the spouses of our military personnel. They are all making it work without a definite end in sight. At least you know at the end of two years, during which time you will see him and hold him etc, he will be definitely be coming home.

PS:
To all the military brides

Re: Living away from your husband

Thats really tough