Please Help - wedding & inlaws

My soon-to-be father-in-law wants to use my wedding as an opportunity to show off (our families are splitting the costs). To that end, he keeps thinking of extras he wants for the cocktail hour, which my father won't argue. BUT my father did say that he'd rather (and will) give us the $$$ he saves by NOT taking all the extras the groom's father wants. So how do I talk the groom's father out of this stuff?

Oh, and my mother-in-law is looking at a wedding dress to wear to my wedding (yes, you read that right...white bridal gown!!!!). If she does this, I'm going to be furious. How do I prevent that????

Re: Please Help - wedding & inlaws

You poor poor thing! I am so sorry but you made me laugh with 'yes you read that right'

What is she THINKING? Maybe your FH could intervene there and help you out. I don't know what else to say really, I am so sorry...

Re: Please Help - wedding & inlaws

Poor You!

Re: Please Help - wedding & inlaws

oh my and i thought my FMIL was bad!

so sorry. if she wears the gown, say no, it is tradition that only the bride wear white. what is she thinking?

Re: Please Help - wedding & inlaws

This woman does whatever she wants. my FH tells me she won't buy the gown, but the fact that she's even looking makes me nervous. Ironically enough, she asked me what color I wanted her to wear. my only request was anything but white!

Re: Please Help - wedding & inlaws

Shes going to look like an attention seeking moron. I venture to say that will be on the minds of MOST of your guests - it would be on mine.

Re: Please Help - wedding & inlaws

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Shes going to look like an attention seeking moron. I venture to say that will be on the minds of MOST of your guests - it would be on mine.
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well said! not sure what her problem is but im sure it is apparent to everyone. i hope she doesnt go with that gown - that is absurd!

RENT MONSTER IN LAW ... IM SURE YOU WILL NOTICE SOME SIMILARITIES LOL

Re: Please Help - wedding & inlaws

OMG--she's looking for a wedding dress---that is the craziest thing I have ever heard I think. Did u say something to her???...Wondering what her reaction and her justification (she needs one) would be. Can u talk to her about it???

Re: Please Help - wedding & inlaws

Flat out tell your FFIL that you don't think that the extras are necessary.

And your FMIL? Make your FH tell her that she cannot under any circumstances wear a freaking wedding dress. She had her wedding and it's over - now this is your turn. MAKE FH LEAN ON HER ABOUT THIS.

I'm sorry that you have do even think about this!!

Re: Please Help - wedding & inlaws

That is so disgusting. You should go with her and try to pick out different dresses for her to try on. I would never allow that. Will your FH talk to her?

Re: Please Help - wedding & inlaws

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Posted by robynlevy

My soon-to-be father-in-law wants to use my wedding as an opportunity to show off (our families are splitting the costs). To that end, he keeps thinking of extras he wants for the cocktail hour, which my father won't argue. BUT my father did say that he'd rather (and will) give us the $$$ he saves by NOT taking all the extras the groom's father wants. So how do I talk the groom's father out of this stuff?

Oh, and my mother-in-law is looking at a wedding dress to wear to my wedding (yes, you read that right...white bridal gown!!!!). If she does this, I'm going to be furious. How do I prevent that????

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I would tell your FH that he better made damn sure she doesn't buy that dress. What world does she live in???

Re: Please Help - wedding & inlaws

WHAT??????????????? how can she look at WEDDING GOWNS to wear to your wedding?????

you're a better person than I am. I would have told her right then and there what I thought about her.

regarding your FFIL, tell him you don't want the extras which your dad will end up paying for 1/2 of.

unfortunately when people pay for your wedding, they do have a say to a certain degree. just make sure to let them know what YOU want. it is your wedding after all.

good luck

Re: Please Help - wedding & inlaws

WHAT...she is acutally considering buying a wedding dress for HER to wear to YOUR wedding???!!!!

Is she serious!!!...put a stop to it NOW....i would call her right up and be 1000% honest and say that you do not want her to buy a wedding dress....especially in white, to wear to my wedding. Say 'it really hurts me that you would actually consider doing that to me....'CALL HER NOW!!!!

Re: Please Help - wedding & inlaws

I guess there are advantages to paying for this ourselves!

Re: Please Help - wedding & inlaws

I would ask her what time she wants to meet you so you can go dress shopping with her. I would preselect some stores, call them or go there before hand and tell them that your FMIL wants to wear white or a bridal gown and that is not acceptable to you. Have them help her into gowns that flatter her but are not in any objectionable colors/styles. Tell her the color of the bridal party is ----. And that is the color she must wear.

I am sorry that you have to deal with this winner of a FMIL.

Re: Please Help - wedding & inlaws

omg, girl! i'm so sorry to hear this. my MIL is a a lot to handle also but ... i wish all in-laws were wonderful.

def discuss this with your FI and maybe nix what your parents may want (under certain acceptions.. to your discretion) and figure out what you and you FI want. i know, believe me i know this will be a huge challenge but if you two are up for it... And as for your MIL.. oye ve! obviously she wants the attention. you could have the mothers and fathers wear something similar and relevant to the rest of the bridal party..? maybe she could cave in to that request? in any case, good luck with your wedding and try to stay 'zen.' it's going to be a long road up ahead.

i'm sending out my support vibe to ya!
(((((((((((((support))))))))))))))))

Re: Please Help - wedding & inlaws

Thank GOD i dont have in-law issues or at least not yet i guess.

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Re: Please Help - wedding & inlaws

IMO, I would have FH fight that battle on his own.... and tell him not to mention you at all. In regards to the issue with the fathers I would tell FH to speak to his dad and tell him that you both rather have the extra money in order to save for furniture, to buy a house, whatever you think will get your point across. In regards to you FMIL....that is unbelievable that she is even looking at that... if you hear that she is doing anything other than looking (like considering purchasing it) then FH would need to fight that battle... Her wearing a white dress would be the talk of your wedding 4ever... it would be worse than anything she could wear.

Re: Please Help - wedding & inlaws

Yeah... your not alone i got some issues as well... my FMIL wont wear white, although i do fear it, but has mentioned the color she wants to wear despite the fact that the mother of the bride has not picked her color... i know she did it to keep my mom from getting that color.. i am not telling my mom what she said cause i DO NOT want her not picking a color cause FMIL wants it.. FMIL had her daughters wedding.. mom of the bride gets to pick her color first! she is definitly a BIG show off though... her guest list = the number of guests max we want at the wedding.. her list doesnt even include FH friends list! then just has some not so tactful comments!

i say you say something about it not being in the budget and if he really wants that FIL's should pay for it! i only say you say something cause my FH was good at pulling the reins on his mom but then she would come to me instead of him.. kinda like that well if mommy says no i will go ask dad type of game.. there needs to be a KNOWN solid alliance between you and FH... i have todo that cause FMIl is VERY pushy and demanding.. so if you FIL's are not too pushy then let FH say something!

Good luck!!!! I feel for you!