Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

Okay so a while back I posted when my mother threw a fit at the idea of the RSVP cards going back to me and FH (we live in a different state from my parents, who are hosting the wedding).The thing is, we are planning the wedding, and have the whole guest list organized. My mother doesnt' know who is on my FH's side. This will make things harder for FH and I to know who is coming because it has to be filtered through her rather than coming directly to us. But now that we're ordering invites this week, this issue is coming up again. Should I fight this and suggest that we have the invitation envelope have her return address but have the RSVPs come to us? I'm not sure if this is worth fighting, especially since I think I won't win this one. What do you think? How much of a pain is it if the bride and groom live on their own in a different state from the parents that are paying for the wedding, keeping in mind that the bride and groom are doing all the planning? Sorry so long!

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

IT IS NOT UNREASONABLE FOR THE RSVP'S TO COME BACK TO YOU. JUST BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS ARE HOSTING THE WEDDING DOESNT MEAN YOUR MOM NEEDS TO MICRO MANAGE YOU. YOU CAN JUST AS EASILY CALL HER AT THE END OF EVERY WEEK AND TELL HER WHO RESPONDED. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN, BE FIRM. SHE CAN ONLY B**CH FOR SO LONG. THEN SHE'LL GET OVER IT.

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

I would definitely have the RSVP's come to you and your FH. If you have to, just have the return address on the invitation envelope have your mothers address. But you should DEFINITELY get the rsvp's. Since you have the lists... it only makes sense.

(Not quite sure why this is an issue with your mother though. I don't see it as a big deal but that's just me). Good luck!

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

Well, it's a sticky situation but if you and FH are planning it, including seating charts, you should get the RSVP's especially for your B list or C list guests. Try talking to your Mom and tell her that its not that u don't appreciate it but seating is hard and it will make it a little easier.. good luck

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

I don't know, she really threw a tantrum, and my dad is on her side. I just don't know if it's worth it. I want to spend this time enjoying planning, not fighting and feeling like sh!t

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

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Posted by aliwnec10

(Not quite sure why this is an issue with your mother though. I don't see it as a big deal but that's just me). Good luck!

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It's an issue because my mother is a child and always has to have her way

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

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Posted by glinda_goodwitch

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Posted by aliwnec10

(Not quite sure why this is an issue with your mother though. I don't see it as a big deal but that's just me). Good luck!

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It's an issue because my mother is a child and always has to have her way

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Well if it was me... i'd put my foot down and say too bad! I'm sorry but that last thing you want is to have the RSVP's all messed up after all the work you've done. Besides... do you have the seating chart done already? If not... how is your mother going to do that or how are you if you don't have an accurate idea as to who's coming? Especially since rsvps will almost be coming in up until your wedding date (i've seen it happen before).

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

If it is only going to cause grief let the rsvp's go to your parents house but tell your mother she must call everyday with a list of rsvp's and if she could mail them all to you at the end of each week as a double check. I know this is more work but it may be a little compromise. Since she wants the honor of receiving the rsvp's. She probably won't want the work that goes along with it though.

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

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Posted by reenielady

If it is only going to cause grief let the rsvp's go to your parents house but tell your mother she must call everyday with a list of rsvp's and if she could mail them all to you at the end of each week as a double check. I know this is more work but it may be a little compromise. Since she wants the honor of receiving the rsvp's. She probably won't want the work that goes along with it though.

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I was thinking of that. Not only as a double check, but if she's going to be a brat about this, she's going to have to make a compromise too.

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

One more reason to insist that if your mother gets the RSVPs that she send them to you every day -- some guests who aren't coming may put checks in the reply cards.

We learned this several months after our wedding when one of those guests asked DH why we hadn't cashed his check!

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

I don't see why the main invitation envelope can't have her return address on it. If you & FH have the guest list, it would make more sense for you to receive them.

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

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Posted by reenielady

If it is only going to cause grief let the rsvp's go to your parents house but tell your mother she must call everyday with a list of rsvp's and if she could mail them all to you at the end of each week as a double check. I know this is more work but it may be a little compromise. Since she wants the honor of receiving the rsvp's. She probably won't want the work that goes along with it though.

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I agree! Don't let these details cause a war - it isn't worth it! Let her receive them and update you with the RSVP's so you know who is coming and who isn't. If they are hosting the wedding (i.e., paying for it ) the RSVPs should go to them

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

If you have the guest list in Excel, maybe your mother and you can share the file? That way, she can have the RSVPs come to her, but she will have to be responsible for updating the Excel spreadsheet, and emailing it to you weekly?
If that is out of her league, maybe the thought will intimidate her, and she will give in!

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

I think they should be sent back to you, we will be in the middle of moving when our RSVP's are due, so I am having them sent back to me at FH's parents address since I know they won't get lost in the shuffle there but it still bothers me that I won't see them there when I open my mailbox, I know it seems petty in a way but the it's one of the small fun things i don't want to miss out on.

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

Any way you can place the order and just say the company made the mistake?

I've had to deal with crazies like this before, and if you just make it seem like it was their idea to do something, they'll drop it.

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

I would want them to come back to me as well. I do not think you are asking for something unreasonable

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

well, did you ask your parents how they will keep track of the guest list? If you have list and they have the RSVP's how is that going to work?
Do they understand the logistics of the situation?
Maybe they feel that if the invites don't go back to them people will feel they are not hosting. I don't think names go on the return addresses anyone, no one will even notice the adress its going to.
I would normally say, no, this is not worth a fight, but I don't understand how you will finalize the count for the wedding if the list and RSVPs are in different places.

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

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Posted by aliwnec10

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Posted by glinda_goodwitch

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Posted by aliwnec10

(Not quite sure why this is an issue with your mother though. I don't see it as a big deal but that's just me). Good luck!

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It's an issue because my mother is a child and always has to have her way

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Well if it was me... i'd put my foot down and say too bad! I'm sorry but that last thing you want is to have the RSVP's all messed up after all the work you've done. Besides... do you have the seating chart done already? If not... how is your mother going to do that or how are you if you don't have an accurate idea as to who's coming? Especially since rsvps will almost be coming in up until your wedding date (i've seen it happen before).

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I agree...regardless who is hosting its YOUR wedding if you want the rsvp cards to come to you (which IMO should) then they come to you...tell your mom its YOUR wedding not hers...sorry I just get so worked up when I hear about situations like these...so petty...

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

If she's paying, let her receive the RSVPs. I paid for my own wedding, but choose to have my mom receive them.

I called her everyday and she gave me the rundown on all of the RSVPs that she received that day...

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

do you still live out of state? or far away from where your parent slive? would it be feasible to stop by your parents house a few times a week to pick up the rsvp's? this way, they go to her, but you will actually pick them up and hold onto them to keep track of them.