Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

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Posted by LISA6569

IT IS NOT UNREASONABLE FOR THE RSVP'S TO COME BACK TO YOU. JUST BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS ARE HOSTING THE WEDDING DOESNT MEAN YOUR MOM NEEDS TO MICRO MANAGE YOU. YOU CAN JUST AS EASILY CALL HER AT THE END OF EVERY WEEK AND TELL HER WHO RESPONDED. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN, BE FIRM. SHE CAN ONLY B**CH FOR SO LONG. THEN SHE'LL GET OVER IT.

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I agree completely. Very well stated.

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

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Posted by smm2675

do you still live out of state? or far away from where your parent slive? would it be feasible to stop by your parents house a few times a week to pick up the rsvp's? this way, they go to her, but you will actually pick them up and hold onto them to keep track of them.

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We live 8 hrs away.

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

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Posted by Naunie

If you have the guest list in Excel, maybe your mother and you can share the file? That way, she can have the RSVPs come to her, but she will have to be responsible for updating the Excel spreadsheet, and emailing it to you weekly?
If that is out of her league, maybe the thought will intimidate her, and she will give in!

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My mother is proud of the fact that she doesn't know how to turn on the computer. Completely out of her league!

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

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Posted by glinda_goodwitch

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Posted by smm2675

do you still live out of state? or far away from where your parent slive? would it be feasible to stop by your parents house a few times a week to pick up the rsvp's? this way, they go to her, but you will actually pick them up and hold onto them to keep track of them.

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We live 8 hrs away.

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gotcha, so have them come to you and leave it at that. like another poster said, she will carry on and on only for so long, then she'll find something else to b itch about...don't stress

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

I can speak from experience. I live here, my mom is in NC-the responses went to her. It is no big deal, I just call her each day and she updates me. I gave her a print out of the guest list from both sides and she keeps track on her end and I keep track and relay the info to FI.

It is a great way for her to help and be involved. Maybe your mom feels bad that she is not close and feels like this is her chance to be involved. I'd say let her do it-it will mean more to her. I was a little sad that I wouldn't get to go home and open the mail each day - but it makes my mom very happy-that is more important-I have enough other stuff to do.

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

Who's doing the seating arrangements? If you, then they should come back to you. If mom, then they should go back to her.

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

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Posted by carlsbride

I can speak from experience. I live here, my mom is in NC-the responses went to her. It is no big deal, I just call her each day and she updates me. I gave her a print out of the guest list from both sides and she keeps track on her end and I keep track and relay the info to FI.

It is a great way for her to help and be involved. Maybe your mom feels bad that she is not close and feels like this is her chance to be involved. I'd say let her do it-it will mean more to her. I was a little sad that I wouldn't get to go home and open the mail each day - but it makes my mom very happy-that is more important-I have enough other stuff to do.

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That's what I'm thinking, but it won't make my mom happy...it will make her satisfied that she got her way. It's different. She doesn't take happiness in things. It's more that I don't want to deal with it and start a feud. Especially since my dad is on her side, and I hate disappointing my dad.

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

i would personally have them come to me, i wouldnt want the added stress of trying to figure things out with whos coming, but if you really dont want the feud then let it go...me personally: they would be coming to my house...good luck!

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

I would def have the RSVPs come to you guys. You will know all the people invited and will be able to organize better.

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

I say give this one to your Mom... there are other things that may come up that you might argue about. I would let this one go, JMO. My parents live in Florida and are paying 3/4 of the party. When she asked me to manage the invites, I thought, 'what the heck, one less thing for me to stress about'. Also, my Mom is great with emails so she can keep me posted.

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

It sounds like your mom is just trying to push your buttons.
As annoying as it is, let her get the RSVPs. However, you should create some type of system, be it everyday or every other day etc, for her to check in and let you know the status.

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

I sent you a long FM. I insisted that the response cards came to me. It was a huge issue in my family but I am glad that I did what I did!!

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

We had a similiar fight, my parents paid for the reception and were on the invitation for hosting it. We actually live in thier basement, but i wanted them to be left with the rest of my mail and open them first. She got so mad at me and told me they are hosting it they are going to open them, like you said it was a fight i wasnt going to win. They continued to open them and leave them for me to see afterward. After the wedding I see that it was a minor issue to fight on but in all the excitment i wanted to know who was coming to my wedding. If you have to get them sent to her, tell her she has to call you everyday with whos coming and whos not coming this way you can tally it off on your copy of the list too
best of luck

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

First question: Do you live in a house or apartment?

I know it sounds silly but its something to factor in and here's why: If you live in an apt, chances are you have a small mailbox that may not be able to hold RSVPs if you get a big bunch in one day.

Although there hasn't been an argument (yet!) I was planning to have the RSVPs come to me, too. But then my father pointed out the mailbox thing. Our families are splitting the costs, but even so, FH's parents also live in an apartment so the small mailbox still applies. So, I'm going to insist everything goes to my father who will then give all of the unopened envelopes to me because like you, I've been doing all the planning.

(And I don't trust my FH's parents to keep track of the responses.)

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

i live in Florida and my wedding is in seaford, and my parents are paying for most of the wedding, but i am doing all the planning and i would want to know first who is rsvping, it is an exciting thing for a bride to open them and see who sent them back, tell your mother this is your wedding and this is a special time for you, not her, and since your planning the wedding you should be able to know who is coming first and you will let her know too.

Re: Should I fight this, or just let it go? sorry, long!

I believe you should stand your ground. This could be a turning point in your relationship. Your mom must now view you as a 'married woman' who must make her own decisions.
If she wants this, what happens when she wants to name your first born? Pick a paint color for your home?
When she married, she crossed a threshold and she must allow you to do so as well.
Let her know that it is important for you to enjoy the moment of opening RSVPs because that's what a BRIDE should do.
You can't run your life to please your mom. You FH would probably enjoy the moments as well and he shouldn't be made to feel second to anyone. You two will become a family - and that should take first place.
Good Luck.