Future sister in law ADVICE

What would you do??
My fiance has two sisters, one he is best friends with and the other he does not get along with. He wants his one sister in the wedding but not the other. I dont get along with her either, she is a very jealous person and I guess cant handle when people around her have more then her.....So my problem is Do we have her in the wedding???? If I had my way I would not have her in the wedding, she is the type that will cause a co-motion no matter where she is, but in the end I do not want to disrespect my future in laws in anyway.....Please Help

Re: Future sister in law ADVICE

Its a hard decision and I can understand why you would not want that kind of person in the wedding. That being said, it would def. cause a controversy to have one sister in the wedding and not the other. Good luck!

Re: Future sister in law ADVICE

Unfortunately, I have to say suck it up. I have grown to detest my FSIL over the past year for various evil acts she has committed towards me and the FILs in general. Once, after a big blowout, she asked me if I still wanted her in the wedding (I didn't, but what could I say??? If I said 'no, you're out,' I would've looked like a big jerk and probably would've not gone over well with FH even though he said it was up to me.), so she's still in. She has done witchy stuff like refuse to get her measurements/send them to us to order her dress (she's away at college) and tried almost very successfully to break us up, but I've learned to take part of her actions personally (cause she is doing them on purpose) and the rest I ignore. I have had to learn to NOT hold a grudge because she may never change and that's sad...she's refused to leave that stupid young girl belief that the world owes her something and that she's been wronged.

So as unpleasant as it may be (to have her in the wedding), the whole day will be about YOU and FH and if she acts out on, of all days, her bro's wedding, she'll be forever remembered by your families as an evil witch....and I'm sure she doesn't want to be, but if she does, at least everyone will see her in her true colors. Sorry this is so aggravating for you, you're not the only one.

Re: Future sister in law ADVICE

Being that your wedding is a little under a year away, I would wait. Until you need to start planning bridesmaid dresses and things like that. Only because, things could change. You two could strike up a bond, and you would like her in the wedding. If I could do one thing again, I would have waited on chosing the bridal party. Don't get me wrong, I looove my Bridal Party, but things could always change.

Re: Future sister in law ADVICE

Hard decision... BUT what we did at our wedding was, instead of asking both of DH's sisters to be part of the bridal party (I didn't think either one of them would go for being a bridesmaid anyway), we did honor them by having them and their spouses be part of the bridal procession, and they walked down the aisle (and stood under the chuppah with us) prior to the groomsmen and bridesmaids. It worked out well and nobody's feelings were hurt.

Re: Future sister in law ADVICE

All I have to say is, if I could go back, I'd never ask SIL to be a bridesmaid. Never.

If you and FH decide that you want one sister but not the other, let him deal with telling her why.

Re: Future sister in law ADVICE

I'm not married yet, but everyday I kick myself that I asked my FSIL to be a bridesmaid. I thought it would make us closer, no, it just made me dislike her even more. I wish I could ask her to step down, but I would be the bad guy to his family. So, I have to live with my mistake. If I were you, take your time, don't jump to ask them if you have your doubts b/c once you do, there is no turning back.

Re: Future sister in law ADVICE

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Posted by JanuaryBride06

All I have to say is, if I could go back, I'd never ask SIL to be a bridesmaid. Never.

If you and FH decide that you want one sister but not the other, let him deal with telling her why.

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I agree with this - my FH has 2 sisters, one he is close to and one he isn't. I didn't ask EITHER of them to be in the wedding. I think of the BMs as being women close to ME, since I'm not really close to either of them myself, I didn't ask either. I am having them both do a reading at the ceremony.

Re: Future sister in law ADVICE

I guess it really depends on your what your gut is telling you. I am having all my siblings and their spouses in our wedding, and we extended the same courtesy to my future in laws. Even though, I know down deep that his one sister has a serious obsessive jealousy over my relationship with my fiance. She has on countless occasions personally attacked me and tried to make me feel unwanted, Unfortunately when discussed with the parents and the other sister, they choke it up to that she is just an inappropriate person and it is not personal. I just concentrate my fiance and myself and totally ignore her exixtsence, I am always cordial and that is all that is expected. She is in my wedding, and to be honest I plan on ignoring her negativity during our special time, and not letting her put a damper on our day. Whatever decision you decide try to concentarte on your special time and your special day and if you have to ignore the stupidity around the people that are not looking out for your best interests.

Re: Future sister in law ADVICE

I would have FI ask the one sister he is close to and not the other one.

You aren't going to win with this situation. She will complanin is you ask her to be in it and she will complain if she isn't in it.

IMO it is better to not have to depend on her to do anything since she will be a Debby Downer.

Re: Future sister in law ADVICE

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Posted by tbtmickey

Being that your wedding is a little under a year away, I would wait. Until you need to start planning bridesmaid dresses and things like that. Only because, things could change. You two could strike up a bond, and you would like her in the wedding. If I could do one thing again, I would have waited on chosing the bridal party. Don't get me wrong, I looove my Bridal Party, but things could always change.

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AMEN TO THAT... if i could have done one thing differently (so far) that was choosing my BP too early. we chose to have my FH's cousin who then decided to (two weeks after we asked him and he accepted) grab my a$$, hit on me, and try to suggest that i should sleep with him over my FH b/c he would be 'better' and if i saw him first over my FH i would be with him!!!!!!
no one knows this but me and fh to try and not cause a huge blow-up and family mess but now we are STUCK having him in our wedding party and he's a big pig!!!
try and stick it out as long as you can w/o choosing anyone and then discuss it w/ fh... if fh agrees (it's not like you hate her and he loves her) then you should ultimately do what you feel is right and keep the BP small so it doesn't look too obvious. i always try to think about it like this: in ten years when i look back at my pics who am i going to still be close with? and it sounds like you and fh are never going to be close with this person, family or not.
all i keep thinking about is me looking at my pics in years to come and staring at the pig who grabbed my butt and tried to get me to sleep with him--and he's my FH's FIRST COUSIN!!
good luck... i really hope the advice helps and everything works out for you!!

Re: Future sister in law ADVICE

We had the same problem and we didnt ask the jealous sister to be in the wedding. But what we forgot to plan for was the aftermath and the lengths she went to ruin our engagement party and create a lot of drama to turn the attention on her. I thought she would deal with it better. Honestly, the added frustration of dealing with her after we didnt ask her was probably worse than dealing with her as a member of the bridal party.

Re: Future sister in law ADVICE

I agree with the prior poster about waiting since you have some time to pick your bridal party.

That being said, my FSIL (FH's SIL not his sister) is the same type of person - hates to see anyone have something she does not have and is very jealous and hateful. she is the family instigator. We did not invite her to our wedding and although it has caused some drama in that FH's brother may not be able to attend (since she would give him hell for the rest of his life) everyone else is fine with his choice to exclude her since they know what a wretched person she is and has always been.

Re: Future sister in law ADVICE

That is a tuff one, i asked my FSIL, and not his SIL, which i am waiting on someone to say something! But SIL and i DONT get along, she has been a big factor in a big rift between me FMIL and FBIL... she would make my day HELL if she were in the BP... she is always right and far too opinionated and pushy, i couldnt not deal with someone like that being around me all day on my wedding day... the girls i asked are ones that have supported me, are friends, are considerate so i know they are not going to stress me out and i know they will be rocks through the day when i need it! Keep that in mind... if you and the other FSIL dont get along, she should be well aware of it and not expect to be asked... i am sure if you decide to do both or neither and you talk to the other FSIL (one you get along with) and explain to her why you are doing it this way i bet she will be understanding and not hurt... But this is all up to you and FH, you know them better than us girls on here... Good luck to you!

Re: Future sister in law ADVICE

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Posted by Tina120206

I'm not married yet, but everyday I kick myself that I asked my FSIL to be a bridesmaid. I thought it would make us closer, no, it just made me dislike her even more. I wish I could ask her to step down, but I would be the bad guy to his family. So, I have to live with my mistake. If I were you, take your time, don't jump to ask them if you have your doubts b/c once you do, there is no turning back.

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this is what i was saying...and yet, had i NOT chosen her, i would still have been the bad guy...in fact, FH turned to me after he asked his bro's and said, you better ask my sister. geez. pressure. in the long run, even if you forever hate each other, you will look like the bigger person if you just allow her to be in it. and when we're talking in-laws, that's BIG.

Re: Future sister in law ADVICE

Since the wedding is next year, I would hold off on asking anyone to be in the BP just yet.

I would also have a serious discussion with FH about how asking one sister and not the other is going to make things worse with the sister he dislikes, as well as creating additional tension in the rest of the family. Try and sneak in how your BP is supposed to be your family and closest friends, and his BP is supposed to be his family and closest friends. Try to do this without saying you do not consider his sister your friend, but encourage him to honor her by either including her in his BP, or asking her to do a reading at the ceremony.

My FH has two sisters as well. Neither is included in either BP.

Re: Future sister in law ADVICE

I guess I would wait too...

but if you don't like her,and your FI isn't crazy about her... maybe she wouldn't want to be in it anyway...... mmmmmmnnnnnn... a point to ponder....... I'd go with what your FI thinks... family is always family... won't go away.... so, make this decision with the future in mind...

Re: Future sister in law ADVICE

Have who you want in the wedding party. My SIL had one sister and not her other sister. No one cared.

Re: Future sister in law ADVICE

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Posted by FallBride05

Hard decision... BUT what we did at our wedding was, instead of asking both of DH's sisters to be part of the bridal party (I didn't think either one of them would go for being a bridesmaid anyway), we did honor them by having them and their spouses be part of the bridal procession, and they walked down the aisle (and stood under the chuppah with us) prior to the groomsmen and bridesmaids. It worked out well and nobody's feelings were hurt.

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great idea!!

Re: Future sister in law ADVICE

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Posted by Mdolph6

What would you do??
My fiance has two sisters, one he is best friends with and the other he does not get along with. He wants his one sister in the wedding but not the other. I dont get along with her either, she is a very jealous person and I guess cant handle when people around her have more then her.....So my problem is Do we have her in the wedding???? If I had my way I would not have her in the wedding, she is the type that will cause a co-motion no matter where she is, but in the end I do not want to disrespect my future in laws in anyway.....Please Help

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Your situation is VERY similar to mine, FH has 2 sisters one who is 2 years younger and one that is 14 years younger. I get along well w/ older sister, we have our differences but it's ok for the most part. Lil sister however is a different story. In the beginning of my relationship w/ FH we were really cool and then all of a sudden for WHATEVER reason it may be she doesn't like me now, it's been like that for pretty much 2 years now. I have not asked her to be in the wedding yet and I don't plan to. FH doesn't have a problem w/ that (which I'm surprized after all it is his sister and as much as he doesn't agree with the type of lifestyle she has {I won't elaborate on this} he still loves her. )I don't dislike her, I guess I'm more hurt that she has a problem w/ me and I don't see why or why she can't settled iher differences w/ me.
Well anywho.....My frame of mind is if you don't like me, don't support our relationship for whatever reason then WHY be in our wedding. A bridal party should be made up of girls who LOVE you and are happy for you and want to be there for you on your special day. My advice is, don't surround yourself with negativity, you'll end up mad on your wedding day. If you feel that you have no other way and she has to be in your party I would just totally ignore her as much as possible, speak to her only for EXTREMELY necessary things! Good luck!!!!
XOXOXOXO
Kitty