little sister

ok i need all of your advice and support.....my little sister who is 16 and in my BP is a miserable girl......she sat at my epart yesterday with a puss on the whole time.....telling everyone how she hates everyone there....etc ....etc.....FH's lil sisters who are in her age bracket were like what the hell is wrong with this girl....lol.....theyve met b4 as well .......anyway my question or problem is this i know once she is old enough to realize that she missed out on the most imp time of her big sisters life she is gonna regret being so bad about things....i just dont know how to handle the situation.....

Re: little sister

sorry to hear this. If it makes you feel any better my only sister refused to be in my wedding. The worst part is she is 26 and has no reasoning.

Sometimes they don't get it and right now she probably is jealous because you are getting a lot of attention - it will pass but maybe not right away.

here's a for ya

Re: little sister

Yup all I can say is jealousy.... i feel that from my sis as well.

Re: little sister

well my 20 yr old sister who is my MOH has been nothing but amazing........i just dont understand...

Re: little sister

well, i think for starters you are handling it the right way with your state of mind. meaning, you are not thinking how could she do this to me? she is this, she is that! you are thinking that she is just acting immature and that she will one day realize that she should have realized the more important part of it (not making fun of people but more just enjoying these special times for you because this is a great time in your life). so amen for that because some people would just get angry, which you do have a right to be, but i don't think that's going to help in stopping her behavior.

i would talk to her the way you are talking to us and explain that it hurts you and that you think she will one day, when she is older, look back on this and regret it. just try and convey your feelings because they are so valid. try to make her understand that it is hard being young but people really look up to someone who acts mature and who is happy all the time over someone who always has something negative to say. and try to make her see that with each negative comment or face without a smile on she is taking away how happy you would be if she was acting the right way.

if this does not work i suggest going to mommy!! LOL sounds so opposite of what i just wrote but if she is just going to completely disregard your feelings i would try and talk to your mom on keeping an eye on her. i know if it were me, my mom would kill me if i acted up so maybe that is a good plan B but i think plan A will hit home with her, it's good to go for the heart strings and to try and put her in your shoes, once she sees that i think you will notice a big difference in her!!

GOOD LUCK, HTH!!!!!!

Re: little sister

I think she is going through a phase in life, like a lotta teens do. IM sure she doesnt mean anything by it, I would try talking to her and just let her know how it makes you feel. also maybe see if anythings bugging her at school?

Re: little sister

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Posted by STBMrsDaniRella

well, i think for starters you are handling it the right way with your state of mind. meaning, you are not thinking how could she do this to me? she is this, she is that! you are thinking that she is just acting immature and that she will one day realize that she should have realized the more important part of it (not making fun of people but more just enjoying these special times for you because this is a great time in your life). so amen for that because some people would just get angry, which you do have a right to be, but i don't think that's going to help in stopping her behavior.

i would talk to her the way you are talking to us and explain that it hurts you and that you think she will one day, when she is older, look back on this and regret it. just try and convey your feelings because they are so valid. try to make her understand that it is hard being young but people really look up to someone who acts mature and who is happy all the time over someone who always has something negative to say. and try to make her see that with each negative comment or face without a smile on she is taking away how happy you would be if she was acting the right way.

if this does not work i suggest going to mommy!! LOL sounds so opposite of what i just wrote but if she is just going to completely disregard your feelings i would try and talk to your mom on keeping an eye on her. i know if it were me, my mom would kill me if i acted up so maybe that is a good plan B but i think plan A will hit home with her, it's good to go for the heart strings and to try and put her in your shoes, once she sees that i think you will notice a big difference in her!!

GOOD LUCK, HTH!!!!!!

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its hard....i. did call her today and kinda hit her on the defensive note.....but shes just at that age where she is obsessed with her friends and like hung up on me...eew...lol....well see

Re: little sister

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Posted by espresso

I think she is going through a phase in life, like a lotta teens do. IM sure she doesnt mean anything by it, I would try talking to her and just let her know how it makes you feel. also maybe see if anythings bugging her at school?

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she has ALOT going on in her life.....i dunno where to start....her father had a baby! yes i know.....and just reg teen stuff.....and she doesnt get along with my mother either.....but your def right about the phase

Re: little sister

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Posted by bride2b24

well my 20 yr old sister who is my MOH has been nothing but amazing........i just dont understand...

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but there's just such a huge difference between a 20 year old and a 16 year old! A 20 year old is out of high school, has had time to mature and experience a little bit more of the world, may be living on her own or at least in college and seeing new things... that changes you a lot.

My sister is also 16, and her tendency is pretty much to hate everything unless you can prove to her that she shouldn't (which takes a small miracle). Is your sister always like this, or is it just a recent thing with the wedding? Have you asked her if there's anything going on with her in her life? Is it possible that she's needing attention and not getting it because of your wedding?

There could be a billion reason she's acting that way, and it doens't necessarily mean at all that she isn't happy for you. Being 16 can be really really hard. I would try talking to her and telling her how hurt you are. Find out what's really going on. If she won't talk to you, try again. Teenagers can be really hard to crack.

Don't take it personally! If you care about her as much as you want her to care about you, then talk to her before you jump to conclusions or start feeling really hurt! In the end, you are sisters and you care about each other, and that's what really matters.

Re: little sister

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Posted by bride2b24

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Posted by STBMrsDaniRella

well, i think for starters you are handling it the right way with your state of mind. meaning, you are not thinking how could she do this to me? she is this, she is that! you are thinking that she is just acting immature and that she will one day realize that she should have realized the more important part of it (not making fun of people but more just enjoying these special times for you because this is a great time in your life). so amen for that because some people would just get angry, which you do have a right to be, but i don't think that's going to help in stopping her behavior.

i would talk to her the way you are talking to us and explain that it hurts you and that you think she will one day, when she is older, look back on this and regret it. just try and convey your feelings because they are so valid. try to make her understand that it is hard being young but people really look up to someone who acts mature and who is happy all the time over someone who always has something negative to say. and try to make her see that with each negative comment or face without a smile on she is taking away how happy you would be if she was acting the right way.

if this does not work i suggest going to mommy!! LOL sounds so opposite of what i just wrote but if she is just going to completely disregard your feelings i would try and talk to your mom on keeping an eye on her. i know if it were me, my mom would kill me if i acted up so maybe that is a good plan B but i think plan A will hit home with her, it's good to go for the heart strings and to try and put her in your shoes, once she sees that i think you will notice a big difference in her!!

GOOD LUCK, HTH!!!!!!

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its hard....i. did call her today and kinda hit her on the defensive note.....but shes just at that age where she is obsessed with her friends and like hung up on me...eew...lol....well see

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yikes, oh to be 16 again... some of the things i used to do make me cringe to look back on. girls at that age just act so bad sometimes!!

i would try maybe taking her to lunch one day or something, just you two and having a heart to heart, if she tries to argue, just keep conveying how much you care about her and want you and her to enjoy the wedding experience... if that doesn't work, plan B, bring in Mom or Dad, depending on who the hard a$$ is in the house!! For me, I mentioned mom first b/c my mom is so strict but in some houses dad is the one to go to!

Re: little sister

Its def. a hard situation. Maybe you could ask her what she was upset about the other day at your party. Sounds like she's unhappy about having to participate in some things. 16 yr. olds are constantly fighting for their independence. Maybe you could give her a job (and some control over her part of the wedding) , like helping you pick out the BM dresses, or bok's? Maybe your other sis could talk to her too.

Good Luck!

Re: little sister

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Posted by kaybeeber

Its def. a hard situation. Maybe you could ask her what she was upset about the other day at your party. Sounds like she's unhappy about having to participate in some things. 16 yr. olds are constantly fighting for their independence. Maybe you could give her a job (and some control over her part of the wedding) , like helping you pick out the BM dresses, or bok's? Maybe your other sis could talk to her too.

Good Luck!

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yeah i know! i did ask her.....she also likes the attention of people asking her 'whats wrong?' lol.....i gave her a job yesterday of folding the place cards....not fun i know and she was complaining the whole time.....

Re: little sister

its probably because there is such an age difference that she just doesnt understand what is going on in your life. is she maybe jealous? or is she like that all the time?

Re: little sister

aw Jackie, thats tough cause its not only your BM but your sis. Add it is a difficult situation cause 16 yr. olds are very hard to please. I mean and with all the other stuff that is going on in her life, she might just not be in a celebrating mood. You should talk to her, let her know how you understand she might not be having a great life (cause at 16 everything bad = a horrible life), but that shes is your sister, and that you guys are suppposed to stick with each other through everything. You can tell her that is why it means so much to you that she is in your wedding, and you can ask her if there is anything you can do for her. If that doesn't work or of talking to her at all doesn't work, ask her if shes ok with being in the BP, cause she might really hate the idea of being a BM and if thats the case ask her if there is anything she would like to do the day of the wedding ( a reading or something). She might just want to be a guest you never know. I hope this help, I don't have any sisters so I don't know if I'm much help.

Re: little sister

Ok.. I think you really just need to maybe take her to lunch and sit down with her alone and have a heart to heart! At that age, really all they care about is their friends and 'hanging out.'
Not to mention every little thing in their life is really a big thing! I read that her dad had a baby.. well that's probably hitting her hard and making her feel a lot of jealousy not to mention you getting married is putting a lot of attention on you as well. She is feeling really left out I'm sure. I think maybe you should try to make her feel really important at this moment. It sounds like maybe she is looking for the attention and obviously you can see it.. so she is letting people know it. I feel so bad for girls at that age! I went through A LOT at that age, and if I didn't have certain people in my life today that weren't there for me, I wouldn't be who I am today. Maybe she just needs a role model and you may be the one who can help.
This can be a rewarding time in your life too!!!

Re: little sister

When one of my sister's got married I was 18 and the only 'bad' feelings I had was that she was leaving home and me. Maybe she feels sad about those type of things, but is expressing those emotions in the way she did at the party?? I dunno, just a thought. In any case, I'm sure she is so happy for you.

Re: little sister

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Posted by chrissyandvin

Ok.. I think you really just need to maybe take her to lunch and sit down with her alone and have a heart to heart! At that age, really all they care about is their friends and 'hanging out.'
Not to mention every little thing in their life is really a big thing! I read that her dad had a baby.. well that's probably hitting her hard and making her feel a lot of jealousy not to mention you getting married is putting a lot of attention on you as well. She is feeling really left out I'm sure. I think maybe you should try to make her feel really important at this moment. It sounds like maybe she is looking for the attention and obviously you can see it.. so she is letting people know it. I feel so bad for girls at that age! I went through A LOT at that age, and if I didn't have certain people in my life today that weren't there for me, I wouldn't be who I am today. Maybe she just needs a role model and you may be the one who can help.
This can be a rewarding time in your life too!!!

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I definitely agree with this... I'd also point out that it's not just about 'only caring for their friends,' but also that really at that age what kids are doing is trying to find a place in the world outside of their families, which is why they attach themselves so strongly to their friends. And in the midst of that struggle, she is being asked to devote herself to something that is purely about family... the natural tendency therefore is to react (unconsciously, of course) with something like 'ug, this is what I'm trying to get away from, family *****!'

I really also agree that you need to talk to her face to face, this isn't something that can be done over the phone. I'd say though that if your sister is anything like mine (or like I was at that age) taking her out to lunch might feel kind of wierd to her... like it's too forced kind of. I find that when my sister and I aren't seeing eye to eye the best thing I can do is just knock on her door when she's hanging out in her room and approach her in her own territory. Or I'll pick her up from a school activity so my mom doesn't have to, and then strike up a conversation. Something a little less formal might feel less pressure to her.
But you know her best, so judge for yourself. It's just a thought.

Re: little sister

I hate to use this as an excuse but she is a TEENAGER we all know how they can be

Re: little sister

Thanks alot girls.....honestly you couldnt pay me to be sixteen again

Re: little sister

I think its her age...at 16 some of us only wan tto hang out with our friends not really into dressses she will be fine just ignore her.