I need advice ... kinda long sorry

Girls...I need help?!

All my BMs ordered their dresses on April 29th, except one of my older sisters (I have 2). She told me she would do it during the week. I said fine...please do it this week. (She is always annoying like that...needs to do things at her own pace, can't be rushed) I called her twice on Friday (which was 6 days later) at work and she didn't return my calls (she works for my Dad so clearly she could have called me back)...I called her on Sat. and left a message at her house saying I needed to know if she went for her measurements ... and she didnt call back for a 3rd time...I was so angry! SO...I called Sunday night and left a partly nasty message that I am putting the order through on the dresses on Wed of this week, with or with out her order. It was a little nasty but not really mean. Plus, I was giving her 3 more days to go. I said at the end 'thanks a lot.' .. I thought she'd feel bad b/c she knows i was stressing over it. She calls me back last night and leaves me a message 'I have absolutely no desire to be in your wedding...You can go ahead and order the dresses tomorrow if you want...'

??? *** ? I am so upset and the horrible thing is that she is so spiteful that she is probably glad she hurt me. We are ordinarily pretty close too. My other sister and mom think she is totally wrong but at this point they don't know how to confront her. She is being so friggin selfish and vindictive?! All because I was a little presistant about getting her to go for the dress?! I don't know what to do?! I feel like I will never forgive her if she is not in this wedding. Mind you, she is going to b 9 months pregnant on my wedding day...could she be backing out b/c of this too??
Sorry so long.

Re: I need advice ... kinda long sorry

Why don't you go and see her and confront (nicely) face to face and have a talk with her. Maybe something is bothering her - or maybe she is a little emotional about having the baby.

Re: I need advice ... kinda long sorry

Jeez Louise! I don't blame you for being mad/upset. Asking her to go in for measurements when your wedding is less than 6 months away isn't too much to ask.

Is it possible she is hormonal with the pregnancy? You mentioned that you are normally close so I am wondering if something else is going on with her....

Re: I need advice ... kinda long sorry

It could be the pregnancy.

Re: I need advice ... kinda long sorry

First off, I am sorry that your sister is giving you so much stress, but I think you need to sit down with her and tell her you love her and you really want her to be part of your day (if you still do). Second, if she will be 8-9 months pregnant would the dress you chose look appropriate on her? She may have not known how to tell you that at 9 months she will look a little big and might not be so pleased with the dress choice. Could you ask her if she might want to wear a pregnancy BM dress that might be more flattering for her. It could be by the same designer and in the same fabric and color as your other dresses so it would not stand out so much, but it might make it easier for both of you.

Re: I need advice ... kinda long sorry

personally. . . I think it sounds like maybe she is a little caught up in being pregnant and planning that whole thing so unfortunately your wedding is not her first priority. While this may be hurtful to you, in all honesty I think it is understandable-- especially considering she'll be 9 months pregnant on your big day. I doubt she really means to hurt you by ignoring your persistence. . . perhaps it is more like she doesn't have a clue what size dress to get and worries that with her due date being so near, what if she isn't able to be in it anyway?! Maybe she is concerned that she won't be able to give your wedding as much attention as it should have and just doesn't know how to say so. . . maybe she worries that it would be easier if she were not committed to being in the bridal party and didn't know how to back out gracefully or speak to you sensitively about her concerns because she feels on the defensive by your annoyance. . . maybe she wishes that there were some other way she can be involved which won't seem overwhelming when she is ready to give birth any day. . . I don't know. . .maybe sit down with her and have a real heart to heart. . . with as little anger and disappointment as possible. . . for all you know she is disappointed that she is pregnant at the same time and feels like she can't really enjoy your wedding and the other festivities with you. . . My cousin is in my wedding next month and she will be 6 months pregnant at the time. . . and we are really concerned that the dress she bought (after trying it on with a pregnancy pillow) won't fit her as planned. . . she kind of popped much sooner and bigger than anyone thought possible. . . so really, planning around a pregnancy is not the easiest thing. . . I can't imagine if she were going to be 9 months. . . YIKES!!

I say give her a call. . .talk to her. . . approach her in a neutral non-threatening way. . . you may be surprised by what she has to say. . . don't give up, but also be willing to hear what she has to say and compromise so you can both enjoy the day. . . . Good luck and keep us posted . . .

Re: I need advice ... kinda long sorry

I think you gave her enough time and notice. Maybe the reason why she didnt return your first 3 calls is because she was looking for a way out?
I dont think you did anything wrong but just to be sure, I would talk to her face to face and make sure things werent said out of anger. And this way, you are the better person when all it done and said. Good luck.

Re: I need advice ... kinda long sorry

Sounds to me like she was looking for a way out of the wedding party, and by being persistent she took the opportunity to consider it rude and use it as an excuse to drop out.

I know she is your sister, and you really want her to be a part of your day, but honestly, if she is going to be 9 months at the time of your wedding, she could go into labor the day before, the day of, and not make it under any circumstances. You might be better off if she is just a guest.

Re: I need advice ... kinda long sorry

She's probably hormonal. I would call her or stop by her house and try to talk to her. Good luck!