FMIL issue (kind of long)

I had a big fight with FH last night about this....
I live in NC and have planned a trip up to LI to go out with my girls and order the BM dresses. One of my BMs is FSIL. FMIL has been very intense on making sure the dress I choose looks good on her daughter (she is thin and pretty , I am sure anything will look good). So, when I e-mailed the girls to say I was coming and asking who could make it, I got an e-mail back from FMIL (not FSIL who is 24 and capable of e-mailing me herself) saying that she will come out with us that day to look for dresses!
My mom lives in Massachusetts and hasn't been able to take part in much of this planning with me. So maybe that is part of what is upsetting me. I think it is weird and presumptuous of FMIL to invite herself along. I had pictured this being a nice afternoon with my girls.

Am I wrong??? FH is very upset with me and we have been fighting for two days about it......

Re: FMIL issue (kind of long)

i don't think you are wrong. but maybe if you are very close to fmil, then maybe she might feel like she would really like to be a part of it. just the fact that she's FUTURE mil doesn't automatically mean that she can be included in whatever she wants. but if you are close, then maybe that's why she'd like to be there.

Re: FMIL issue (kind of long)

Ahhh arent FMILs great?

This is definitely definitely a time for you to be firm. This could open the floodgates for this woman butting into things for the rest of your life.

Just say that you are flattered that she is taking such an interest in the dresses, but its really a special day for you and your girls to go. Promise her that you will take a ton of photos and share them with her when you are done.

Re: FMIL issue (kind of long)

no i dont think you are wrong jsut tell her you are really looking forward to having a girls day and thank her for wanting to be a part of it, but youd like to decline her offer b/c you really wanted to have the day with just your BP

Re: FMIL issue (kind of long)

This is a touchy issue. I agree with you-but she may get offended at you uninviting her, and she rudely invited herself. I would be careful.

Re: FMIL issue (kind of long)

I don't think you are wrong at all. I would be furious, especially if my mother was unable to partake in a lot of the wedding planning. Regardless, I would be so mad if my FMIL just imposed and invited herself. It makes me mad just thinking about it.

Im sorry you are fighting with your FH about it. Sometimes it makes me so mad how my FH doesn't see it the other way around too. Sometimes they are so protective of their mother, they fail to see the situation clearly.

Good Luck with your situation, I really feel for you.

Re: FMIL issue (kind of long)

I think that's REALLY pushy of FMIL and your FH should be sticking up for you. She's probably trying to have some sort of say in your wedding plans and is doing it through her daughter.

I don't mean to sound nasty. But that would drive me up a wall. I think maybe you should speak to your FSIL and see how she feels about the whole thing. Or maybe to make FMIL feel better she can help her daughter pick out shoes or you can give her some task involved in your wedding planning.

Re: FMIL issue (kind of long)

no....you're not wrong at all. FMIL should have nothing to do with this at all. personally i think it should just be you and the girls.......try politely saying taht to her. I'm sure it won't go over too well, but in the end it's not about her

Re: FMIL issue (kind of long)

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Posted by melbalalala

Ahhh arent FMILs great?

This is definitely definitely a time for you to be firm. This could open the floodgates for this woman butting into things for the rest of your life.

Just say that you are flattered that she is taking such an interest in the dresses, but its really a special day for you and your girls to go. Promise her that you will take a ton of photos and share them with her when you are done.

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I agree totally- this is a nice way of getting her not to go! Good luck!

Re: FMIL issue (kind of long)

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Posted by melbalalala

Ahhh arent FMILs great?

This is definitely definitely a time for you to be firm. This could open the floodgates for this woman butting into things for the rest of your life.

Just say that you are flattered that she is taking such an interest in the dresses, but its really a special day for you and your girls to go. Promise her that you will take a ton of photos and share them with her when you are done.

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i agree just tell her your flattered but you would like to go with your bp ..

Re: FMIL issue (kind of long)

I dont think you are wrong to be bothered by it. In some sense I have to agree with you, but she may have thought that your mom may not be coming and maybe youd like her there. I would just nicely say that you would like a day with the girls....JUST THE GIRLS and see what happens. She may not have realized that this bothered you.

Re: FMIL issue (kind of long)

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Posted by Soon2BeMrsD

no i dont think you are wrong jsut tell her you are really looking forward to having a girls day and thank her for wanting to be a part of it, but youd like to decline her offer b/c you really wanted to have the day with just your BP

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I agree. Your entitled to this day!