If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

Just wondering

Re: If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

we get along so much better now that we DO live together! it was so hard for us before since we didn't live close and only saw each other on the weekends. it's so much better living with him!

Re: If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

it's been so great to finally live together! we have been waiting for 5 years for this!!!

the transition has been just fine!

Re: If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

Okay, I will be the one to admit that it was an extreme transition and that I am still getting to a place of 'comfort' - and I'm not ashamed to say it.

I moved out of state the day after the wedding and have a 3 hour a day (total) commute. I miss my family and friends.

On top of that, I have never lived with a boy who is not my dad or brother and we are two different people with two different classifications of 'clean' (for the record, I am 'messier' and I hate to cook).

So, yeah, definitely a transition that we are still working through. But what I can say is that I am at a much better place at 4 months than I was at 1 month or 2. I'm more of a newlywed NOW than I was back then!

Re: If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

After hearing how hard it would be we have found it extremely easy and enjoyable!!

Re: If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

We've talked about it recently and concluded that it is difficult for me, not so for him! I got married at 37 and had lived on my own for so many years. I had not even had a room mate since college (except on vacations and summer shares). I loved being single but I love him more. I can't explain exactly what adjustments have been difficult. I had to learn a lot about him and how he communicates. He had to adjust, too but he was able to just adjust without overanalyzing it. He's the same age as me, also never married before, but he's adjusting more quickly.

Re: If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

I am right there with leese as the transition was not the best but we are truly enjoying ourselves now! We had purchased our home prior to marriage but neither of us lived in it until November when DH decided to!

I am not use to living with someone that thinks it is alright to leave dishes in the sink or have clothes hanging on the banister...It is definately an adjustment but we have come to a middle ground! Sleeping was an adjustment & took about 1 month!

I am not your typical 'wive' as I am the one that takes care of the outside & inside of the house while DH is working! I do the mowing of the lawn, weeds, water everything, make sure everything is fertilized, etc. When that is done, I am inside cleaning an entire house! It gets to be tiresome. DH finally realized that he needs to pitch in & 4 months in, he finally is!

Hang in there Kathleen!

Re: If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

Umm we havent even started really 'living' alone yet and I havent frekkin slept since the honeymoon. I just dont think I was meant to share a bed hahahaha.

Re: If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

There was another thread on here about this.

I agree with Leese and Kerrie. I too was an 'older' bride, and my DH is 6 years older than me. We've both been on our own for so long that for me (like Kerrie) it was a huge adjustment, whereas he seemed to adjust just fine because nothing ever bothers him. There could be a pile 4 feet high of dishes in the sink and he wouldn't even see it.

In any event, the first couple of months were hard for me, and I kept saying to myself 'this is not what newlywed life should be' But like leese, somewhere around the 4/5 month mark I felt more like a newlywed than I did in the first couple of months. And now that we're coming up on 9 months, I feel it even more.

Remember, getting married is a HUGE life changing event, that takes some time to adjust to. It's perfectly normal!

Re: If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

i moved in with DH two months before the wedding but even then, I was living with him half of the time in Westchester because I was on LI so much wrapping up wedding stuff.

So the first few months were a rough transition. Like Leese, the only men I'd ever lived with were my brother and Dad and it took time for us to get used to each other breathing the same air. Splitting household duties was a serious PITA because our ideas of what clean/dirty mean are on the opposite ends of the spectrum.

We've been married for almost 7 months and it's so much easier now. But it took time getting used to living together (in a one bedroom apartment!)


Kathleen, read this thread

Re: If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

I did live with DH before we got married, BUT I can equate it with living with him the first few months. It was difficult, I will admit- Part of it was our fault. We bought a condo that was a one bedroom- it was too small-we were on top of eachother, we didn't have our own space...BUT also, DH had never lived on his own- he went to college in his town and lived at home to save $$$. So, he was used to certain things. I on the otherhand had been 'on my own' from college til then...only going home one summer...SO it was different.

It takes time to get used to how things will run in the household...how to deal with argements-even if they are silly-because it is different than argueing when you don't live with eachother
When to give the other space, who does what chores...BUT, it always works out! IMO there were lots of changes, but they worked themselves

Re: If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

It is a really hard transition. I lived with my parents until I got married, so I moved from from dad's house to my husband's house. I really wish that I could've had some alone time to just be me and figure myself out. But DH is great and understands that I will need space at times. I am hoping things will get better once our apartment is furnished and I feel like it is a home - my home.

Re: If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

actually, no not at all. I really feel like nothing has changed, which is really wierd.
we settled into routines really easily - I thought it was going to be so hard, but here we are two months later and still no major problems.

and what makes it even stranger is that I had never lived on my own -I didn't even go away to college. And also went from living in my parents 4-bedroom house to a tiny 2 bedroom apartment.

I think its because both of us are really laid back and we don't get on each other's nerves.. yet

Re: If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

Transition= NO SLEEP! lol....

FH and I got an apt in the beginning of April, but only he moved in. When we came home from the HM, he kept joking asking me if 'I was really moving in, or if I was going home to my parents!'.... He hasn't had much of a problem transitioning at all, since I cook, clean and his laundry appears magically cleaned! But in all honesty, I love every minute of it. During the school year I have zero spare time, with planning an all, so it's nice to be able to set up shop now with nothing to side track me. But the sleeping situation is driving me batty. I haven't had a great nights sleep since the HM either, as we were sharing a King bed and am now in a Queen, that he hogs! Boys!

Re: If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

It is hard only in that my commute has extended from 5 to 30 minutes (BLAH) and I hate to cook. Other than that I really love it!

ETA: I really love to sleep by my self. So it is hard sharing a bed - poor DH - I totally hog the bed and the covers! I am just getting used to it, but I still can't sleep the night through.

Re: If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

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Posted by leese

Okay, I will be the one to admit that it was an extreme transition and that I am still getting to a place of 'comfort' - and I'm not ashamed to say it.

I moved out of state the day after the wedding and have a 3 hour a day (total) commute. I miss my family and friends.

On top of that, I have never lived with a boy who is not my dad or brother and we are two different people with two different classifications of 'clean' (for the record, I am 'messier' and I hate to cook).

So, yeah, definitely a transition that we are still working through. But what I can say is that I am at a much better place at 4 months than I was at 1 month or 2. I'm more of a newlywed NOW than I was back then!

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I agree with you 100%!

Re: If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

surprisingly enoughl it wasnt a difficult transition at all. before the wedding, i was concerned that we might not get along (he squeezes the toothpaste from the middle!!!) or that he had habits that might drive me crazy and vice versa. but it turns out that i dont really care as much as i thought i would. i thinks his quirky little habits are cute now. i love waking up next to him...even though he hogs the sheets!!!!

Re: If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

so far to me, it is an easy and hard transition.

we are so excited to live together, that all the little issues seem to slide.

BUT -- he is not used to doing much for himself (tahnks mil) so he leaves his socks and clothes on the floor for a week until he thinks about picking them up.

he is just very messy but i'm working on helping him to start picking up after himself!

other than that, it has been wonderful!!!

Re: If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

We moved in together after the wedding and i have to say that the first month and a half it was horible. All we did was fight and for a while we thought that we might have made a mistake. By by 2 months everything was great and has been ever since,

Re: If you did not live with you DH prior to marriage was a hard transition for you?

No, it has not been a hard transition at all. I was expecting it to be worse, but it has been great for us.