BM and Bride 2 Be......Help

I am in a sticky situation. My best friend, or so called best friend is getting married next summer. I will be in her wedding as a BM but there is a problem. I am scheduled to have Gastric Bypass in Nov. and have to go and buy my BM dress for her wedding. I will obviously lose a lot of weight before her wedding and will need to have the dress altered many times. I have discussed this with her and she has asked me to have the surgery after her wedding. It hurts me because I too am gettting married myself in 2008 and would never ask her to change her date of surgery. Am I wrong to feel this way? I know the pressures she is under because I am under it too. I am made because I have to order my BM dress now at the size that I am, not a smaller size. I need some advice....

Re: BM and Bride 2 Be......Help

I don't think she should have asked you to change the date of your surgery.....I think that is very inconsiderate...why is she asking you to push it back???

Re: BM and Bride 2 Be......Help

WOW. I am so sorry that your friend is being so insensitive to your health. I've heard of girls asking their BP to not dye their hair or something but to ask you to put off a life benefitting surgery. I have no advice just hugs

ETA: BY the way~ Good Luck with your surgery!!!

Re: BM and Bride 2 Be......Help

I can't beleive that she asked you to move your surgery for her wedding!! This is your health we're talking about here, it's more important than her wedding IMO!!

My advice is to get the surgery done in November as planned and order the dress in the size you're in now. You might have to get a lot of alterations done later to make the dress smaller, but I think that's the best solution. It's easier to take a dress in than let it out.

Re: BM and Bride 2 Be......Help

I think she believes that I will be an inconveience to the Bridal store. Alterations are included in the price of the dress....they could change their mind if I constantly need to go for a fitting.

Re: BM and Bride 2 Be......Help

I don't think you should consider changing the date of you surgery at all! Your healths comes first and foremost. If you think being in her wedding will be too much a burden on you and your recovery and your wallet (because lets face it, alterations can add us ) then maybe you should back out of being in the wedding. Explain the situation to her and perhaps that will eliviate some of the stress of worrying about you off of her.
HTH... Good luck!!

Re: BM and Bride 2 Be......Help

omg! Have the surgery when you want to have it!! That is a big decision to make and you have that surgery when u want to. You dont have to change anything for anyone!

WOW i cannot believe she said that. They can alter your dress and you will look great!

good luck!

Re: BM and Bride 2 Be......Help

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Posted by cindyandkevin

I can't beleive that she asked you to move your surgery for her wedding!! This is your health we're talking about here, it's more important than her wedding IMO!!

My advice is to get the surgery done in November as planned and order the dress in the size you're in now. You might have to get a lot of alterations done later to make the dress smaller, but I think that's the best solution. It's easier to take a dress in than let it out.

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I agree with Cindy!

Re: BM and Bride 2 Be......Help

Ask the bridal store for the latest possble date that you can order your dress.
My wedding in 9/2, my irls dresses were ordered in April.
I think a dress can only be taken in maybe 2 sizes, so depending on how much you anticipate losing- maybe you can order it a size smaller than you are at th etime. But in any case, you will likely be a few months int oyour new body, and you will be able to estimate.
She is out of line asking you to change your surgery date.

Re: BM and Bride 2 Be......Help

It sounds like she has taken the term bridezilla to a whole new level!!!! She would rather you be inconvenienced when your trying to make a life altering change than a bridal shop???? This is the most ridiculous request that I have ever heard of from a bride? Obviously I would keep the original plan and go through with the surgery everything else should be secondary.

Re: BM and Bride 2 Be......Help

I would not change your surgery date, your health is more important than ordering a dress. I would briefly explain your situation to the woman at the bridal shop. She will tell you whether you should wait to order it. if she chose a soon to be discontinued dress, then they will make you order it when the other girls do, so ask that too. Good luck with your surgery..

Re: BM and Bride 2 Be......Help

For her to ask you to change your surgery date is outrageous, she had absolutely no right to do that!! By having the surgery you will be improving your health and self esteem greatly, and that is far more important that the bridesmaid dress!!
I would talk to the store and ask their opinion. Some dresses can be delivered in a short amount of time. You may also want to order the dress in a smaller size... if you order one in your current size and you lose a considerable amount of weight, it will probably not be able to be altered and they will order you a new dress anyway and then you will have to pay for a new dress. If she is being such a bridezilla, maybe you should step down from being a bridesmaid. You don't need that sh*t from anyone!!

Re: BM and Bride 2 Be......Help

ok 1- I can NOT believe she'd even THINK to ask you to re-schedule SURGERY! THAT'S INSANE!!!!!!!!
2- You can order your dress 1 size smaller than you are and if it's still to big, have it re-sized.. It's much easier to go from big to small, rather than too small and making it bigger...
3- I still can't believe she even THOUGHT of that! INSAAAAANE!!!

Re: BM and Bride 2 Be......Help

i def. agree with others she is nuts for asking u to change ur surgery. and hopefully i can help bc i am in a similar situation. one of my BM had the gastric bypass 2 weeks ago. I am sooo happy for her. She lost 30 lbs. already!! that is what u have to look forward to, being beautiful and healthy on YOUR wedding day. as for my friend we are waiting to order until she loses more. the wedding is in july so we will order in january, 5 months after her surgery. the dress place also suggested ordering the dress 2 sizes smaller bc u know you are going to lose. dont even stress. if she cant understand that then i think she is being a bit unreasonable.

Re: BM and Bride 2 Be......Help

Also, there is no rush. If its in the summer you should be able to order in February. Things dont always worked out as planned and as much as it is her wedding i feel a bride needs to be accomodating as well. My one sis (MOH) is prego (due in jan), my friend had the bypass and my FSIL (BM) is trying to get pregnant and could be pregnant at the wedding. But i dont care. im waiting as long as possible to order. and we will figure it out. i am just so happy they will be a part of my wedding.

Re: BM and Bride 2 Be......Help

I would definately not cancel your surgery ~ this is for you and your health! I am sorry your friend is not being understanding about this situation! What I would do is talk to her about this if you choose not to postpone your surgery & either order dresses at the last possible moment (she can find that out from her bridal store) or I would order the dresses two sizes smaller ~ you will definately see the results (my mom's best friend lost a lot of weight) Good Luck and hugs to you

PS the Best of Luck with the surgery!

Re: BM and Bride 2 Be......Help

Thank you so much fo all of your responses. It makes me feel better to know that I'm not wrong for feeling so bad about the situation.Your thoughts and good wishes really helped me today.

Re: BM and Bride 2 Be......Help

Since the wedding is next summer, I don't see what her rush is to order the dresses before your surgery. I feel like I've been ahead throughout most of the wedding planning process but, I only had my girls order their dresses 6 1/2 months in advance. They came in less than 2 months later (the store said 3) so they have them.

She can easily wait until January to order (my friend got married the first week of June last year and that's when we ordered the dresses for her wedding). That way you can get a better idea of what size to order and if you continue to lose more weight, the dress won't have to be altered as much!

Good luck, you aren't nuts for being upset by this! Some people don't realize that the world doesn't revolve around their wedding. If she still wants to order dresses now, tell her to go ahead and you'll order yours afterwards and if necessary, pay a rush fee (which you shouldn't have to with at least 6 months until the wedding - if you order in January for the summer).

Re: BM and Bride 2 Be......Help

Definitely do not change your surgery date!! I have a friend who had it done and it took her about 9 months to drop the weight she wanted to, so you will need time to recooperate from the surgery- you can't take that chance with your wedding being in February....have it when you want to and your friend should be understanding and be ok with you ordering the dress later than everyone else.