HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!! UPDATE AT BOTTOM!!

Ok so I'll try to make a long story short! My FH lives 1.5 hours upstate from me (LI) and we have had our relationship like this for it's whole length. Now my FH works in Danbury, CT and I work here in Plainview/Garden City...Now the issue is where we are living after we are married. My Mother is being the biggest B$&*ch about it b/c she can't understand why he won't leave his job and find something else b/c he is an accountant and can find a job anywhere. Well my issue is that he is totally happy where he is and I'm not happy where i am all in all. I can find a job as well after I get experience here so we were thinking of moving to CT. Now my mother is throwing a freakin fit that it is too far and this and that and she is just pi$$ing me off royaly b/c she won't be happy unless I'm like 20 min away. I said the farthest I would be away is like 1.5 hours if we moved to Danbury and she freaked and said I would never see her if that is what it is going to be!! Well the funny thing is I went that far away for school, in CT, and then it was 'such a nice drive and can be done in a day if you wanted!!' Now it's a far drive!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! Why do people feel that their thoughts are the correct ones for everyone? Why can't I make my own decisions and not get penalized for it?! I'm so freaking miserable and have just lost any happiness for my wedding b/c it means i have to face the issue of moving and dealing with this cr*p!!

I just don't know what to do girls...HELP?!

Re: HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!!

Honey I har ya my mom is the same way. We're house hunting further out east. West Islip, Hauppauge, etc. because its less money than nassau and queens. It will be about 45 min to an hour away from my family and my mom is complaining how I'm leaving her practically every week.

Re: HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!!

she's just trying so hard to keep her little girl close to her! sorry she's driving you up the wall.

chances are you are going to just have to make your move whether she likes it or not--and she'll have to adjust. that's life! she raised you to become a woman....and now a wife...and sometimes compromises have to be made as wel as sacrifices. it will take time, but she will eventually just have to adjust to the way things will be!

Re: HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!!

Thank you both...It really just hurts like hell to have my mother talk to me like this...she just says so many things to like rub in my face!! 'You're going to do whatever you want anyway...that's what you've always done anyway!' She yells at me...I don't know if this wedding is going to make it...or me for that matter...I can't take this

Re: HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!!

It is definitely going to be hard on your mom but she will understand in time... that this is what is the best for the both of you. She is going to miss you...I honestly can say that if that were me or my FH ...our families would act the same way. Try to feel better and enjoy planning your wedding! You deserve it!! It will all work out

Re: HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!!

Parents are like this unfortunately...

you have to do what's best for your new family - you and FH.

Just tell her please stop, I will visit you, but this is our decision and don't let this change what you and FH want to do with your lives!

Re: HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!!

Girl I know How you feel. My FH is in Miami and I live in Philly (talk about distance!!!) We see each other once a month - and have been doing so for the past year. I am finishing my residency (6/08) and he is a mechanic in Miami and just started his own business - which means Miami sounds more convenient than moving up North at this point. I know that I will be able to get a job anywhere I go without much of a loss on my end - Besides I do like MIA. But I hear you, my mom puts the guilt trip on me all the time - especially since all of FH's family is down there! Girl you have to do what you want to do and they will eventually understand - besides 1.5 hours is not bad at all.

Re: HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!!

Sounds like a typical mother-But this is your decision and right now there is no need to rush into it. Weigh out the pros and cons and see where this leads you. Where does Fh's family live?

Re: HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!!

Don't Panic!!! Just remind your mother that she is still your mother but you have a new obligation to your husband. this is a decision that you and him have to figure out on your own. you both have to be happy. In time she will be ok with whatever you decide. Don't sweat it..its the inital shock thats getting to her. Good luck!!!

Re: HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!!

i've learned that you have to live life your way and no one else .. they have 2 choices either accept it and be apart of your life or not except and lose out on being part of an amazing persons life... my mom had a fit when i moved out she never came to visit me for a year , it was hard but she got over it ... so i know it will be hard but keep your head up, stick to your plans and the rest will fall into place enventaully

Re: HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!!

She is probably thinking of grandkids as well!!

My mom was like this, but once she saw that it was not across the water in Europe, and we were able to visit her often, she was fine.

Re: HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!!

You have to do what is best for you and your FH. Your mom is just being a mom, she wants you to be close to her. Even if you move she will realize that you have to live your life for you.

Re: HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!! UPDATE AT BOTTOM!!

Just wanted to Thank all of you girls who made me feel sooooo not alone in this crap and just let you know that I had a loooooooong talk with my mom and we've agreed to disagree. She understands that I have to do what i have to do but it's going to take her time to get used to whatever that is....b/c I said 'I love you and at this point you have a decision...you can either embrace us and support us or you can choose to argue with and cause issues....it's up to you' so that pretty much got her. I hate fighting...so for now the sea is calm!! Thanks agian ladies...you really made me feel so much better

Re: HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!! UPDATE AT BOTTOM!!

i'm really glad that you guys were able to work things out

Re: HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!! UPDATE AT BOTTOM!!

I am soooo glad things worked out!

because, believe me, I know that arguments with family before the wedding are STRESSFUL!!!

Re: HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!! UPDATE AT BOTTOM!!

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Posted by NinaChris07

I am soooo glad things worked out!

because, believe me, I know that arguments with family before the wedding are STRESSFUL!!!

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You can say that again!!

Re: HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!! UPDATE AT BOTTOM!!

I'm glad everything worked out.

Re: HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!! UPDATE AT BOTTOM!!

I'm glad everything worked out. Why don't you look for a place in westch ester - half way b/t both places. My summer house is right by Danbury (on the other side of Candlewood Lake) and I live by Garden City and its only like a 1 and 1/2 hour drive so if you live in the middleof westchester you each will only have 45 minute commutes :)

Re: HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!! UPDATE AT BOTTOM!!

Noreen.. im sorry I missed post originally.. Im sorry that u went though a hard time with ur mom... i guess she was just doing what mommys do best.. trying to make sure she is notloosingher little girl. Ur a big girl now and u can make ur own decisions. Do what u think is right for u and FH. Im glad things are better now.. Luv ya chick!

Re: HEEELLLLPP!! I can't take it anymore!! UPDATE AT BOTTOM!!

I know exactly how you feel! My parents are doing the same thing, we would only be ablout an hour away, BUT they are so great at putting the guilt trip on. I cant believe you are leaving us, what if we need help, what if you need help.. GOD.
Do want you need to do for your and your family (which is you and FH now). Chances are you will see them more when you are away because ou will miss them more!