A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

I'm so livid right now I can't even think straight.

Over the weekend (yesterday to be exact), one of my bridesmaids called and left a message on my phone. Due to the activities going on, I didn't get a chance to call her back.

So, my MOH e-mailed me at the office today and asked me if I had heard from said bridesmaid. I said I got the message, but that was it and then my MOH called me at my office.

One week and a half before my wedding and this bridesmaid tells my MOH that she won't be getting her hair done at the salon and wanted to know how I would take it since she still hadn't told me, yet. My MOH told her that this was just bad, that I'm spending all this money on the photography, and that it's a week and a half before the wedding, and that the entire bridal party has known about this for 3 months and now she says something????

This is just one more thing to add to the long list of problems I've dealt with, with this BM.

Then, she's complaining to my MOH that she took her dress to get altered elsewhere and they did a shi*tty job and took it back to Helen's for them to redo and that cost more money and that she should have been told by me how much all of this was going to cost!!!!! My MOH said she knew when she agreed to be a BM what it would entail and that if she couldn't afford it, she shouldn't say yes. My BM is now avoiding me and she hasn't even spoken to me about this, she had my MOH do it!

I don't even know what to do! I'm almost tempted to buy the dress off of her and just not have her in the wedding.

Re: A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

Besty,
If that's how you feel you should do it. Honestly.

I had to tell my maid of honor last week that I didn't want her to be my MOH and in response she said that not only will she not be in my wedding, she is no longer coming.

GOOD RIDANCE.

I feel like a big weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

It is better to deal with telling her now than to let her do ANYTHING to ruin YOUR DAY!!!

These people who don't want to do anything that is involved in being in a wedding should say no, but some people just don't get it.

Honestly, IMO - you should tell her that if she doesn't want to be a part of your wedding and do the things that you have asked your BM's to do, then she doesn't have to be.

So sorry she is doing this to you....

Re: A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

So, let's say I do ask her to step down and I get her dress from her.

I would have 2 bridal party members with 4 groomsmen - would this seem odd?

Re: A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

you have FM!!!!

Re: A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

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Posted by CLMon7906

you have FM!!!!

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You're the best Cheryl!! I wish I had known all of you when I first started my wedding planning!!!

Re: A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

Betsy,

i wouldn't even buy the dress off her! If you want her out of the wedding, just let her know that she has been relieved of her BM duties. As for having 2 girls and 4 guys, not strange at all! 2 guys get to walk with one girl (and look like studs!).

Re: A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

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Posted by ewickens

So, let's say I do ask her to step down and I get her dress from her.

I would have 2 bridal party members with 4 groomsmen - would this seem odd?

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Not odd at all Betsy...you can have one bridesmaid walk in with two groomsmen (one on each arm). I don't have an even party either and this is what we are doing.
BTW: to you!!!!

and by the way, I wouldn't buy the dress either....she caused this, so its her loss sorry to say!

Re: A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

ok.. i don't know your BM personally...is it possible that she really doesn't have the money?? is she capable of doing her hair nice herself? I am not trying to down play the situation...but i don't see why it is worthy of you kicking her out.

I think you need to ask yourself why is it that you asked her and are you going to be ok with the consequences of asking her not to be in it. ie..loosing a friendship.

I have seen a lot of girls on here being upset that their girls aren't doing things..but in their defense it is very expensive to be a BM.

Again, I am not taking away from how you should feel..i am just trying to be honest.


edited to say if she is a witch and her presence will ruin your day...there is nothing wrong with 4 guys and 2 girls...

Re: A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

FM!

Re: A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

Oh no Betsy, I'm so sorry this is happening to you right now!!!!!!!!! Just try to focus, remember things can be a lot worse than a bratty BM!!!!!!!!!

If things have really been that bad and this is just the last straw then don't worry about telling her to step down. You don't have to buy the dress from her, besides you'd have no use for it anyway. At least (now that it's fitted) she could wear it to something else.

And certainly don't worry about the guy-girl ratio!!!! Lots of couples have uneven BPs so no one is going to think anything of it!!!!!! No one's even going to notice, all eyes will be on you and your new DH!!!!!!!

I hope things start looking up for you real soon!! Remember, the most important thing is that at the end of the day you and Bob will be married!!!!

Re: A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

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Posted by seta

ok.. i don't know your BM personally...is it possible that she really doesn't have the money?? is she capable of doing her hair nice herself? I am not trying to down play the situation...but i don't see why it is worthy of you kicking her out.

I think you need to ask yourself why is it that you asked her and are you going to be ok with the consequences of asking her not to be in it. ie..loosing a friendship.

I have seen a lot of girls on here being upset that their girls aren't doing things..but in their defense it is very expensive to be a BM.

Again, I am not taking away from how you should feel..i am just trying to be honest.


edited to say if she is a witch and her presence will ruin your day...there is nothing wrong with 4 guys and 2 girls...

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Thanks for the response and the honesty! I debated this whole thing in my head 9 months ago as well and gave her a 2nd chance. That 2nd chance has gone and failed, and not b/c of this, as this is just the icing on the cake, but so much that she has pulled before with me (starnding a BM at JFK who had never flown before, much less been to NYC; making my brother pay for her to fly up to Buffalo for my shower; skipping out on a bridesmaid weekend I planned for 6 months b/c a better offer came up, etc). My brother said it perfectly to me, it sounds more and more like this wedding is a nuisance to her change purse than an event to be part of, happy for, etc. Thank you, though, for your honesty! I never thought I would ever have to post something like this so close to my wedding, but I really had no idea what to do.

Re: A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

OK.....I'll wear this dress instead of my wedding dress even though I am the brains behind that AWESOME plan to wear our wedding dresses to your wedding....

or this one....


or this one?

Re: A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

Cheryl - I wanted to wear that!

Re: A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

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Posted by ewickens

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Posted by seta

ok.. i don't know your BM personally...is it possible that she really doesn't have the money?? is she capable of doing her hair nice herself? I am not trying to down play the situation...but i don't see why it is worthy of you kicking her out.

I think you need to ask yourself why is it that you asked her and are you going to be ok with the consequences of asking her not to be in it. ie..loosing a friendship.

I have seen a lot of girls on here being upset that their girls aren't doing things..but in their defense it is very expensive to be a BM.

Again, I am not taking away from how you should feel..i am just trying to be honest.


edited to say if she is a witch and her presence will ruin your day...there is nothing wrong with 4 guys and 2 girls...

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Thanks for the response and the honesty! I debated this whole thing in my head 9 months ago as well and gave her a 2nd chance. That 2nd chance has gone and failed, and not b/c of this, as this is just the icing on the cake, but so much that she has pulled before with me (starnding a BM at JFK who had never flown before, much less been to NYC; making my brother pay for her to fly up to Buffalo for my shower; skipping out on a bridesmaid weekend I planned for 6 months b/c a better offer came up, etc). My brother said it perfectly to me, it sounds more and more like this wedding is a nuisance to her change purse than an event to be part of, happy for, etc. Thank you, though, for your honesty! I never thought I would ever have to post something like this so close to my wedding, but I really had no idea what to do.

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My sister had a bm who never showed any interest and my sister truly regretted her decision of asking her. (I think it was obligation since my sis was in hers a year before.) Bottom line is their relationship went downhill after the wedding and my sis regrets it to this day that she asked her to be in it....not to mention the girl is in all of her pics..


It is really obvious how you feel at this point..if this is the case you should just relieve her of her duties...
good luck and keep us posted!

Re: A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

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Posted by seta

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Posted by ewickens

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Posted by seta

ok.. i don't know your BM personally...is it possible that she really doesn't have the money?? is she capable of doing her hair nice herself? I am not trying to down play the situation...but i don't see why it is worthy of you kicking her out.

I think you need to ask yourself why is it that you asked her and are you going to be ok with the consequences of asking her not to be in it. ie..loosing a friendship.

I have seen a lot of girls on here being upset that their girls aren't doing things..but in their defense it is very expensive to be a BM.

Again, I am not taking away from how you should feel..i am just trying to be honest.


edited to say if she is a witch and her presence will ruin your day...there is nothing wrong with 4 guys and 2 girls...

---

Thanks for the response and the honesty! I debated this whole thing in my head 9 months ago as well and gave her a 2nd chance. That 2nd chance has gone and failed, and not b/c of this, as this is just the icing on the cake, but so much that she has pulled before with me (starnding a BM at JFK who had never flown before, much less been to NYC; making my brother pay for her to fly up to Buffalo for my shower; skipping out on a bridesmaid weekend I planned for 6 months b/c a better offer came up, etc). My brother said it perfectly to me, it sounds more and more like this wedding is a nuisance to her change purse than an event to be part of, happy for, etc. Thank you, though, for your honesty! I never thought I would ever have to post something like this so close to my wedding, but I really had no idea what to do.

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My sister had a bm who never showed any interest and my sister truly regretted her decision of asking her. (I think it was obligation since my sis was in hers a year before.) Bottom line is their relationship went downhill after the wedding and my sis regrets it to this day that she asked her to be in it....not to mention the girl is in all of her pics..


It is really obvious how you feel at this point..if this is the case you should just relieve her of her duties...
good luck and keep us posted!

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Thank you!

Re: A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

That's terrible Betsy! I'm so sorry. There is never a good excuse for a BM to do something like that when they've had months upon months to plan. It's not like you sprung this on them last minute. Don't let it get to you. Before you know it, you'll be married to the man of your dreams and all of this stress will be a distant memory.

Re: A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

I don't mean to be a biatch but it sounds like you are just really stressed out being your wedding is so close....I'm sorry but I think you are totally overreacting!

No one should have to get their hair done if they don't want to. And like someone else said - she may not have the $. She's already had to pay for a dress and shoes and god knows what else....hair can be a big expense.

Sorry but I think you are just stressing and freaking out over nothing - don't sweat the small stuff...enjoy this happy time.....this is a small thing. I'd let it go. No need to ruin a friendship over something so silly.

Re: A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

Is she planning on having a nice hairdo at least? A few of my sister's BMs chose to have their hair done elsewhere, she never asked so they could have done it themselves for all she knew... don't strss about it, no one will be looking at her anyway

Re: A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

Im so sorry you are going through this - it is frustrating when people who you think are your dearest friends cannot do whatever it takes to make your day the best! I think you need to think about asking her to step down though, because that could really sever ties. But if you do decide to ask her to step down having an uneven bridal party will not look odd. Mine was uneven and it was perfectly fine. Best of Luck and try your hardest to not pay notice to anyone but you and your fh!

Re: A week and a half before my wedding - I don't need this aggravation!

Sorry about this honey. I have 5 BM and 7 groomsmen. I have 2 cousins that I am thinking of adding but they are shady I don't know. If not I will be odd also. Not too sure what I am going to do so far.