Planning Alone (long-vent)

I'm feeling kind of bad today... My parents don't want to help at all with the planning of the wedding. I'm not just talking about the financial end, I'm talking about the interest in planning. My mother is a doctor and doesn't have the time to look at dresses with me. I have asked her to come so many times but it just doesn't interest her. My wedding is last on a list of priorities. She has made me cancel appointments I set up and even asked me to buy the dress alone. She says I have a lot of time to get a dress (could wait until 6 months before) and even suggested I buy an evening gown instead! My father isn't interested also- they act like my wedding is just another boring day- my dad called it a party.
I'm just feeling a little blue right now because I look at other parents of brides/my friends and they are doing nice things for them, getting actively involved, going to seven different photographers. just to get it right, cry when their daughter tries on gowns, is compulsive about the details, and my parents are like, 'let's get this over with'. My mom is like, 'you are making too big a deal over the wedding'. Am I? Is anyone else going through this? Am I expecting too much?

Re: Planning Alone (long-vent)

I'm so sorry to hear about that.. This is a very emotional time for all of us and we want the support of those who are dear to us..

I sowwy chowwy...

Re: Planning Alone (long-vent)

I'm sorry that your parents are being that way. Maybe they don't realize how important this really is. I think you should sit them both down and tell them how much this means to you. Express how much you want them to care and be invloved. I think they will realize it and change. Good luck. Let us know what happens.

Re: Planning Alone (long-vent)

Im sooo sorry that your parents arent taking an interest in your wedding. Maybe you should sit down and talk to them,. Tell them how they are hurting you

Re: Planning Alone (long-vent)

I sent a forum mail, as I can relate but it feels too personal to share here. Anyhow, I don't think sitting down with them is going to help. Accept that they love you, and that this doesn't interest them and find friends/other relatives who are interested -- or depend on us at LIW. WE CARE! *HUGS*

Re: Planning Alone (long-vent)

You are not alone. My mom lives in FL and if she was here, Im sure her interest would be minimal. But I know that and expect nothing. Im probably older than you, and I've gotten used to limited family involvement. My FI is very involved and there with me every (well, most) step of the way. I felt the same way about the dress thing too. when I hear about mother's and daughters that are close and involved, its hard not to be jealous.
I agree that you should try to talk to them. You never know unless you approach the subject.
Also, isn't it nice to come on this site and know that everyone is going through similiar stuff? Bring friends with you to share in the excitedment!

Re: Planning Alone (long-vent)

Dont feel bad, my parents are the same way... They're sick and tired of hearing about the wedding.
Just try to get some support from your close friends and possibly a few recently married wives. And of course the fiance. I try to get a lot of support from my FH, and also the help of the various wedding related forums.

As to dress shopping, here is what I did (but I wasn't too too picky with the gown): I went to David's alone, and tried on a bunch of dresses. I liked 5 of them, and because the sale was ending in a week, I had my mom, my sister and FH all come together with me to the store, and help me choose the 'gown'. This may sound unorthodox, but realistically, I prefer to shop along and need others to help me decide on the final choice, rather then 'offer' me what they like the best.

So perhaps, go to a few shops, with a friend or a fiance (if you don't mind him seeing the dress), narrow the dresses down to a manageable number and then drag mom to the stores to help you make up your mind.

And keep your chin up!!! Its your special day!

Re: Planning Alone (long-vent)

im so sorry yu are going thru this....your parents will regret it once they realize what a huge event this is - to get married....maybe you can get a few of your closest friends to help out....perhaps they'll be more interested once they realize you are doing all this stuff without them..

Re: Planning Alone (long-vent)

I think you should talk to them. I am so sad for you that you have to go through this. Tell them how much this means to you and how you would love for them to take part in the planning with you.

Re: Planning Alone (long-vent)

Thank you guys so much! I can't tell you how much better it makes me feel that some of you unfortunately have gone through the same thing! Not what I imagined my family would be like hearing that I am marrying such a great person, but I guess I have to deal. Thanks for being so nice everyone and sorry to bum you all out on such a beautiful snowy winter wonderland morning!

Re: Planning Alone (long-vent)

sept20yay! there's the spirit It's hard not to get you down, but just remember, they'll be so happy on the day they won't know what to say!
My Mom is the same way. She's got her business which has ALWAYS come first. So, I've learned not to count on her as much as my friends would their Mother's. Plus, all of my friends are scattered around the US. I really don't know that many people here in NY- so I do it all alone. Sometimes FMIL comes along, and FI helps out a little bit here and there. I guess I've learned it's better that way though. If so many people are involved, so are their opinions. My Mom also has a negative opinion about everything. The color of my BM dresses that I want, the style dress, how many limos I should have- why this? I'd rather she be the silent type that listen to how my ideas aren't as good as hers!

(Sorry, seems as if that turned into a vent of my own )

Re: Planning Alone (long-vent)

Hey Sept,

IM sorrrrrry too. I say bring your friends with you to enjoy it then! My mom wasnt interested in looking at first either, but i would rather have someone like my best friend with me, because she gets excited with me. Dont be bummed!!! This is a wonderful time!!! and we are here to share it too!!

Re: Planning Alone (long-vent)

So sorry to hear this Sept. I would also suggest talking to them and if after that they still have no interest then grab your friends and enjoy. If they don't want to be a part of it you are better off doing things without them then having them there when they really don't want to be.

Re: Planning Alone (long-vent)

Please dont take this the wrong way but you have to understand that your wedding isnt the the focus of anyone elses life but the bride and groom. Few people in this world will get excited about dresses or favors or decor and you cant take it personally. Your parents (or anyone else) for that matter have their own lives and probably see your wedding as an important day but not as important as you see it.

This issues is at the heart of a lot of the problems brides face with family and friends during the engagement.

If your parents are making you feel blue - then just forget them and find someone who is very interested in this stuff to do these activities with you. And you never know - your parents may get more interested as time wears on. And then their interest will be very real and meaningful.

Re: Planning Alone (long-vent)

I agree with Sonicstef, most people are not going to be that into the wedding- even your friends and family. Luckily I have a couple of friends who are getting married or just got married so they are still all in the wedding planning mode so they love to hear about stupid details like invitations, dresses, photographers and stuff.

Just wanted to add maybe you can show your mother stuff on the web so that you know her opinions without her necessarily being there. I made a powerpoint presentation for my mom with all the dresses I tried on without her so that she would have an idea.

Re: Planning Alone (long-vent)

I am sorry you are going thru this, but maybe they have reasons for doing what they are doing. In the meantime ask a trusted friend or relative for help.I have no parents left and that is what I am doing.

Re: Planning Alone (long-vent)

I went through this same thing - although my mom is not a doctor, and did have the time, she just wasn't interested - this is how our relationship kind of always was, and I learned that a wedding won't change that - when I had thought i would. I was very sad, and felt very sorry for myself when I would go to my fittings alone. My friends were somewhat interested, and I had an aunt that wanted to be involved. I finally just started focusing on that, and letting the other stuff go. It's hard. YOu will be okay. good luck!

Re: Planning Alone (long-vent)

Sweetie, try not to take it too personal, that's kindda hard, I know. I guess you were expecting everyone, especially your mom to be excited. The cold hard reality is that, some people will just not be as excited as you and your FI are. You will even realize that sometimes your own FI will not be as excited as you are.

Don't let that lessen your joy or get you down. What about your GF or BP members. I planned on my own and I preferred it that way. Sometimes too many darn opinions can cause more confusion.

Feel better and chin up. Make your selections and share them with your mom once they are done, but definitely don't let it get you down. You are able to have a wedding of your dreams not a lot of people can say the same.

Take care and happy planning.

Re: Planning Alone (long-vent)

Do things on your own. I am and I love it. I get opinions here and there, but that is it. Another solution ask a close friend or other family member to come with you on various appointments.

My mom is not that interested, but she and I are not that close, so it does not bother me.

I do not mean to sound harsh, but you are going to have to get over this and not let it get you down.

You have a beautiful wedding to plan and that is not going to happen if you keep worrying about things you have no control over.

Re: Planning Alone (long-vent)

I am so sorry that is happening - I don't know what I would do without my mother's support, help, and enthusiasm about the 'big day.' I know that part of it is an act - my mother has her own issues about my wedding, like seeing my father (my parents are separated and on pretty bad terms) and his family, and I know it that upsets her alot, but she puts that aside and puts on a happy face for me even when she's not.

I would say to talk to your parents about how you feel, and if they can't see that this day is going to be one of the most importatnt and special days of your life, then go on planning by yourself and lean on your friends, I mean what else are friends for if not for times like these.