Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

So before I joined this board, I seriously was clueless about price per head for weddings. Now that I'm looking up the reception halls that I've been too, I'm worried that I didn't give enough in the past.I mean I know a lot of factors vary..some of the weddings I've been to were about 5-7 years ago. and most of the time I was a poor student or unemployeed, however what exactly is the etiquette?

Are you really supposed to give as much as the person spends per head? Or you give as much as you can? I've always thought I've given a decent amount. I even send wedding/shower gifts to out of town weddings that I can't attend. My friend told me that if you know a place is $$$, don't even bother going or bringing a date!!! Yikes..

HELP! I never thought I was cheap, just want to be more aware...anyone else with these issues? Maybe I'm just stressing for no reason.

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

I don't care if it sounds cheap, I always gave $200 from both FH and me no matter who it was or wherer it was. That is all we could afford. I added it all up and I've spent like $1500 on weddings in like less than 2 yrs!

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

wow, i'm in the same boat. i was clueless before all my planning began, now i'm embarrassed as to what i gave as gifts! even if i was a bridesmaid, i wish i gave more! weddings are expensive. why don't people know this??? excuse me, why didn't I know this?

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

I have always tried to cover the cost of the dinner for friends and people I wasn't that close with, and gave a bit more for family and very close friends. But if you gave what you could afford then you shouldn't feel bad.

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

---

Posted by blurgirlny

I don't care if it sounds cheap, I always gave $200 from both FH and me no matter who it was or wherer it was. That is all we could afford. I added it all up and I've spent like $1500 on weddings in like less than 2 yrs!

---

i agree... i always gave $200 unless i was in the wedding then i would give a little more.

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

---

Posted by Dr Meg

I have always tried to cover the cost of the dinner for friends and people I wasn't that close with, and gave a bit more for family and very close friends. But if you gave what you could afford then you shouldn't feel bad.

---

true dat. i did give what i could afford.

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

I guess it's cuz I hear brides AFTer they get married talk about ( in general terms) what they got, etc..and I feel kinda bad. I didn't know that there was a rule? I thought people know that you don't make your money back at weddings. (unless a Chinese banquet )...

Yikes...I know I'm just being paranoid...But honestly I had no clue!!! Also not to be defensive, but most of the weddings from 5-7 years ago, werent as much as they are now..right? I mean there is inflation..I guess that makes me feel better!

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

I usually give $300 for me and my fh and if it's a close friend $500. I try to cover the plate, but I think you give what you can afford to give.

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

---

Posted by Dr Meg

I have always tried to cover the cost of the dinner for friends and people I wasn't that close with, and gave a bit more for family and very close friends. But if you gave what you could afford then you shouldn't feel bad.

---

i agree - we always try to at least cover what we think our dinner cost and of course our close friends/family will get extra. luckily we havent been in a position where we couldnt afford it BUT if we were, I would give what I could afford. people should be understanding - and as a bride i don't expect a certain amount of $ from people - i am happy with anything that they give. there are a lot of people in my family who surprised me with what they gave at my eparty. they were very generous and i would have never expected half of the gifts that we received. i actually felt bad accepting some of them. it was very nice of them.

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

What about protocol for out of town weddings that you can't attend?

Do you give as much as you would if you were to attend. ANd also if they invite you +1 guest does that mean you cover for 2 ppl or just yourself?

Yeah this definitely stresses me out..don't want to be cheap but sometimes you just don't know. I mean if someone wants to spend crazy amount on their wedding, they shouldn't get preferential treatment over someone that didn't. I think it really is by the person (close or not).

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

I have a feeling most of our friends will be in this boat (giving small gifts bc they honestly don't know) since none of our friends are married yet

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

You do not need to cover the plate charge. They are throwing this wedding because they want to have a party and they are inviting you because they want you to be a part of their day, not because they want you to repay them for the day!!!! If someone chose to have their wedding at a very expensive place, does that mean you need to give MORE because they chose to spend a fortune on the party? Absolutely not. $200-300 from a couple is absolutely fine. And if you couldn't give that because you didn't have the money, if you give what you can or a heartfelt gift, that's fine too. It SHOULD BE the thought that counts. It is a gift, not a repayment.

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

okay - 'ettiquette' wise, yes - u try to cover your plate...but honestly - these days some places are SO $$$$$....DH and i were in no way EXPECTING to get back everything we paid...if someone gave us a generous gift then great, if not - we are NOT people that judge. I think people give what they can afford. ie: i KNOW that my starving college friends weren't going to give the same as my uncle who has his own accounting firm! Like i said, people give what they can afford..either they CAN give or WANT to give...everyone's situation is different. and u can't judge...don't worry!

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

I think covering a plate was the ettiquette a while ago, i don't see how any wedding guest can keep up with the prices of weddings anymore! I say you give what you can. I don't see how a guest is responsible for someone choosing paying out the A$$ for their wedding. And i also don't think someone should get less for being responsible and not being able to afford an extravagent wedding. Personally I say have a set amount you give and stick to that.

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

I think it depends on the expenses of the wedding, so every time I try to cover the plate charge ($200-$300 per couple)
Now that I have my own wedding, I am glad that I've been doing that b/c I'm depending on the same amount from the guests.

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

I don't believe in the 'covering your plate' idea...okay so If someone spent $150 pp and I give $150 pp....what about flowers, dj, limos, photographer...how come that isn't included. I KNOW a lot f my friends won't be able to gift us what we're paying pp. they probably wouldn't even think we'd spend as much as we are. We chose to have this wedding because we want it this way, not because we want more $$ as gifts.

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

Right on!!!! Said perfectly!

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

i always thought you should definately cover the plate and at least try to give extra on top as a 'gift' if you can

eta: let me just be devils advocate for a sec here.... it seems like alot of you are saying when you go to a wedding it shouldnt be a 'have to cover the plate' kinda thing.... yet when you open those envelopes at your own wedding and see that some people 'cheaped' out on ya, you're not gonna be thrilled.... put yourself in their shoes!!!

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

---

Posted by DeeluvsVinny

I don't believe in the 'covering your plate' idea...okay so If someone spent $150 pp and I give $150 pp....what about flowers, dj, limos, photographer...how come that isn't included. I KNOW a lot f my friends won't be able to gift us what we're paying pp. they probably wouldn't even think we'd spend as much as we are. We chose to have this wedding because we want it this way, not because we want more $$ as gifts.

---

I agree! If I had two friends that were equally important to me, and one got married off-season for $60 pp and another got married in season at the fanciest place possible for $250 a person, I would give them both the same gift. I don't think you should give a greater gift because someone chose to be more extravagant.

Re: Stressed now about what I gave as wedding gifts!!!

i usually give $200 if it's me and fh. honestly, i think the cost of weddings is completely out of control--blood money as far as i'm concerned. i respect every girl's right to plan the wedding of her dreams, but i don't have to foot the bill. we can't afford to spend a ton of money above what people will give on our own wedding, which is why we're choosing a place that we can get for close to $100 pp. it's hard enough to make it as a young person on li without that pressure, so i don't expect people to overextend themselves bc i organized a pricey party.