Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

My mother just insisted that she walk me down the aisle along with my father because /she raised me/... I said no and we had a bit of a fight
Some background info-->>
My parents got divorced when I was only 2, she remarried a terrible man whose children abused me (they were much older than me) I had a rocky relationship with her b/c she didn't help me out during the ages of 5-20!!! She recently divorced this person and we have tried to patch up our relationship but.... My sister got married while they were still together and my mother walked her with my father down the aisle. I never wanted that
perhaps b/c I don't feel like she should/deserves it...
Am I being really unreasonable?

Please Help any advice?

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

If it were me, with that background info, I would have only my dad walk me down the aisle. This is YOUR day and you deserve to have it your way! Do what will make you happy. HOPEFULLY, she will come to understand. Good luck

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

Tough situation. A lot feelings can get hurt here and although I do agree that this is YOUR day and should be YOUR decision, you may want to take a breather and really think about whether or not this is worth causing any damage in your relationship.

I always wanted it to be just my Dad walking down the aisle with me but I think that if my mom really wanted to as well, I would have a hard time saying no.
I understand your situation is a little different, so this is really just my personal opinion.

I hope it works out for you tho

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

Thanks for the reply...

You know I feel like if she hadn't given me an attitude and demanded that she's walking me down the aisle I might have considered it...

I was even trying to find something special that she could do instead...like a Bible reading or something... But now I'm just mad that she felt like I owed it to her or something.

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

It's really up to you. If you don't want to hurt your mom, you could just say that you'd prefer to stick to tradition and leave it at that. I find that it's easier saying less in these situations than more.

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

---

Posted by Brendanzgirl

Thanks for the reply...

You know I feel like if she hadn't given me an attitude and demanded that she's walking me down the aisle I might have considered it...

I was even trying to find something special that she could do instead...like a Bible reading or something... But now I'm just mad that she felt like I owed it to her or something.

---

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

---

Posted by hyphenbride

It's really up to you. If you don't want to hurt your mom, you could just say that you'd prefer to stick to tradition and leave it at that. I find that it's easier saying less in these situations than more.

---

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

Here is my honest opinion and I speak from the heart: Do what you want, it's your wedding day!
Your mom will get over it, just like my mom will get over wedding day opinions!

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

I truly appreciate the feedback and advice... This kind of stress makes me want to elope on a tropical island and forget everyone else (but then the real me kicks in and says that would suck with no one there to party with)

I'll have to put it on the back burner for a lil while... too bad I live with my mother!

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

Is your mom chipping in for the wedding?

If she is, think long and hard before you put your foot down.........ugh

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

no my mom is not footing the bill... she doesn't have much money right now and can only help me put some money toward my dress with a $1,000 cap which is plenty but again
No not for the wedding itself.

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

I would just tell her flat out NO! but then again you have to go with whats in your <3.

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

Both of my parents are walking me down the aisle because we're Jewish and that's how it's traditionally done -- it's very important to my parents so I'm going with it. However, I have a great relationship with my mom.

Given your situation, I would think it should be up to you and you aren't being unreasonable by not wanting your mom to walk with you

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

Wow. It is a flashback for me. Divorced parents on your marriage day presents many problems. I was there for my first wedding. I don't have a happy ending for you though I feel for you. You are in a no win situation. I had a rocky relationship with both my parents growing up. My dad and I stopped talking by the time I was 10. I saw him rarely until I turned 21 when we tried to patch things up. I married a few years later. I lived with my mother, but I wasn't close to her. She remarried and I was close with my stepdad. He had been in my life about 8 years when I married. I wanted both my stepdad and dad to walk me down the aisle. My dad insisted that was his job. I caved in. I offered my stepdad to do a reading. He declined. Years later, my sister married and my dad was willing to walk down the aisle with my stepdad. Of couse I was irrate and told him I would never s/w him again if he did. That of course started problems for my sister's wedding. I think you need to do what makes you happy. If you really want your dad to walk you down the aisle, offer your mom a special reading or make a dance with her. You need to do something special for her, so she feels included and not in competition with your dad. Maybe you can see if the officiant has a special way of dealing with divorced parents. They might have a special thing they can do to make your mom feel special. Not that it is the same, but my officiant is doing a special ceremony that will welcome my daughter into her new extended family-a necklace ceremony. We are also allowing her to sing at the ceremony and plan to make a special dance for her. I hope some of this helps. I know it is a tough decision, but you need to do what will make you happy. Eventuallyshe will get over it. Don't let her ruin your day.

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

You need to do what you want and what will make you happy. Don't let anyone guilt you into doing something you don't want to do. Good luck.

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

My advice is to do what is in your heart, even if that means having to sit your Mom down and explain things, at least the air will be clear. This is your day and you should have no regrets or ill feelings for any part of it
We are here if you need support or to vent!

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

I can't tell you how much it means to me to have this kind of help for such a special moment. I am so touched by all of your sincerity.
Thank you

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

It's a tough situation, I would think maybe you should take some time to think about it before talking to your mom again, let both of you cool down a bit and try to talk with her and see her side of it, and hopefully she can see your side too.
If you can, maybe you can even talk to your dad about the situation, or another close family member like your sister.

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

Its a tough situation, but as strange as it seems recently a friend of mine said that she always thought the norm was for just the dad to walk the daughter.

My way of thinking was I only wanted my dad, and my mom really felt that was HIS thing, to walk me down the aisle.

I would maybe instead of having her walk with you, you and your dad walk and when you get to the end she can come out and meet you at the altar. If that is what you want tell her you always just pictured your dad giving you away.

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

---

Posted by 2007 Crescent Bride

You need to do what you want and what will make you happy. Don't let anyone guilt you into doing something you don't want to do. Good luck.

---

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

Had the same issues as you did, it ******! in the end I pretty much was forced to have both of them walk me down the aisle b/c I really didn't want that to be an issue that led to ill feelings at the weddings. But you are right , it's totally the attitude that really put me off in the first place, as if it wasn't my choice to make.

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

tell her you want the tradition. My mom and I are very very very close and i still wouldn't have her walk me down the aisle

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

Why don't you offer your mom a reading? You can tell her that the reason you were so upset was because you really want to honor your father and you don't want to take away from his spotlight. You can site your sister's wedding as a time when your dad had to share the spotlight. Tell her you also think that she should have her very own place/position (as a reader) and not have to share one either.
If you concentrate on telling her how you want her to have her OWN thing and you want to honor her on HER OWN rather than on the negative (that you don't think she deserves it) You will probably be better off in getting what you want (which is her not walking you down the aisle). Lay it on as thick as you like, maybe even telling her that you always imagined she would be reading this poem/prayer/etc at your wedding as a child!

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

---

Posted by Bellez95

tell her you want the tradition. My mom and I are very very very close and i still wouldn't have her walk me down the aisle

---

Re: Mom wants to walk me down with Dad --HELP

I don't know your mother and I mean no disrespect but it sounds like she doesn't deserve such an honor. Tell her flat out that the answer is NO!!!!