please help

I am a regular poster. I am an 08 bride. I have realized I do not want to be married. I am not sure I love my husband . I do not know what to do. I am afraid to leave and afraid to stay. not for my safety but because I could lose it all and realize I still want it.

Re: please help

not sure how to respond to that. sorry to hear youre feeling torn. clearly sounds like you should NOT go forward if you don't want to be married and you're not sure you're in love. fear of regret is not a reason to get married!!

Re: please help

i think you need to sit down and think of the reasons you don't want to be married anymore...and what you may miss if you do end it...and see where your issues lie...and try and talk to someone for counseling...i would go alone and see what insight they can offer...sorry you are going thru this!

Re: please help

are you already married?

or still a bride to be?

i agree with the previous posters, fear is not a reason to get married and also not a reason to stay married.

if you have not lived together before, could you be going through some adjustments in your relationship?

Re: please help

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Posted by PreshusSmurf

are you already married?

or still a bride to be?

i agree with the previous posters, fear is not a reason to get married and also not a reason to stay married.

if you have not lived together before, could you be going through some adjustments in your relationship?

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ITA on all counts.
There is a lot of adjustment and it takes alot to get used to.

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Posted by PreshusSmurf

are you already married?

or still a bride to be?

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good qus! i totally assumed she wasn't married yet.

Re: please help

What about counselling?? It definitely helps!!! hugs for you!!!

Re: please help

If youre having doubts now, maybe you should postpone. Dont decide to go through with the wedding because youve spent the money already. Not a good enough reason. Postpone it and take the steps into either trying to fix your relationship or deciding whether its worth saving. Good luck and so sorry youre going through this.

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

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Posted by PreshusSmurf

are you already married?

or still a bride to be?

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good qus! i totally assumed she wasn't married yet.

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i would have assumed the same, except she mentioned 'husband' and not 'fiancee' ....

Re: please help

Shoot I think she's already married. This is tough. Come out of hiding girl! We need more info to help you.

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I think when you take the marriage vow then you owe it to yourself and your spouse to exhaust all options. Therapy and all that. After you have done that and its still not working is when the seperation or divorce can happen. Thats just MO though. I dont think you should give up so soon, unless something unforgivable happened?????

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shows i read that way too quickly. given that it appears youre already married, i agree with PPs about counseling being a good idea. im sure there is much more of a back story to this, but whatever it is, im sure counseling is worth a try.

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Posted by pleasehelpme

I am a regular poster. I am an 08 bride. I have realized I do not want to be married. I am not sure I love my husband . I do not know what to do. I am afraid to leave and afraid to stay. not for my safety but because I could lose it all and realize I still want it.

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So sorry you are going through this.

I think you should try to define all the reasons why you feel this way. Did you live with your husband before you married? Are you disappointed for some reason-maybe marriage or your husband are not living up to what you thought it/he expected it to be??? I didn't live with my DH before we married this summer and we are definitely going through an adjustment period. Sometimes it's rough!! Also I don't know when you got married but for a little while you might be 'coming down' from planning the most exciting day of your life...kind of like post-partum wedding planning.

Whatever you do, please don't do anything before you seek counseling to try to at least understand why you are feeling this way and what your options are....you need support right now.

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Posted by sugarkube4

What about counselling?? It definitely helps!!! hugs for you!!!

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ITA - I think you should seek some counsling. It might help. Without your DH and as well as on your own.

Re: please help

thank you. We are married. I dont hate him and I am not in any danger. I do realize that what I felt before the wedding wasnt cold feet which I let people convince me it was. He is not the type of man I want to be married to . Family is a unit not about one person but everyone and he is about him. Im trying to make sense of my own feelings and I cant seem to . He will not do counseling. But I am going to try

Re: please help

honestly its a adjustment - being married. There are days we all struggle not everything is about 'us' and still about 'you'. If you are having issues since he hasn't cut the cord from his family yet then you should talk to him about it and wait it out a bit. It is WAY too soon to divorce yet, you need to let this relationship ride it out a bit more.

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Posted by pleasehelpme

thank you. We are married. I dont hate him and I am not in any danger. I do realize that what I felt before the wedding wasnt cold feet which I let people convince me it was. He is not the type of man I want to be married to . Family is a unit not about one person but everyone and he is about him. Im trying to make sense of my own feelings and I cant seem to . He will not do counseling. But I am going to try

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he wont do counseling, even if he knows it could mean the end of your marriage?

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Posted by pleasehelpme

thank you. We are married. I dont hate him and I am not in any danger. I do realize that what I felt before the wedding wasnt cold feet which I let people convince me it was. He is not the type of man I want to be married to . Family is a unit not about one person but everyone and he is about him. Im trying to make sense of my own feelings and I cant seem to . He will not do counseling. But I am going to try

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First of all, sorry to hear all this. I am happy to hear that you are going to try counseling on your own--hopefully it will help you get your mind around your feelings and figure out how to address them with your husband. Good luck to you

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Is he against counseling b/c he doesn't think there is a problem? What kinds of issues are coming up where you don't feel like you are being consulted? Major things like children and home buying or minor like where you are going to spend the holidays?

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Posted by pleasehelpme

thank you. We are married. I dont hate him and I am not in any danger. I do realize that what I felt before the wedding wasnt cold feet which I let people convince me it was. He is not the type of man I want to be married to . Family is a unit not about one person but everyone and he is about him. Im trying to make sense of my own feelings and I cant seem to . He will not do counseling. But I am going to try

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Counseling, even for just you, is probably a good first step. Why is he against it?

Good luck