Wedding Forums > Brides Helping Brides ™ > At an impass
At an impass
amandah75
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 09:56 AM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 09:56 AM
At an impass
So FH and I are seriously discussing canceling the large wedding and doing a VERY small wedding with immediate family only. We're tossing around the idea of a destination wedding or just a small backyard wedding. We're waiting till May of 2009 to make our final decision, but with the way the economy is going, it's not looking good. Luckily the RH will give us a full refund if need be. It's just hard to see my father's business taking a hit due to the economic downturn and I would just feel guilty putting my hand out for their portion of the wedding. Not to mention the fact that things are probably going to be tight for us since they are talking about cutting our hours at work. I'm at a loss right now. Really am. Was so happy when we decided to go with a larger wedding at a place that we both fell in love with and now it doesn't look like it's going to happen. We've discussed waiting till 2011 but I'm so done with waiting and I'm sure my vendors will up the cost and we'll be back at square one. Not to mention the fact that some of my dear family members are not in the best of health and I want to make sure they are there for the wedding (morbid as it sounds).Am I over-reacting? Anyone else having issues like this? Should I jut keep plugging along as if the wedding is a go and do my best to make it happen? Just hard to spend money on one day when there is so much else going on.
DnT2010
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:01 AM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:01 AM
Re: At an impass
you have to keep YOU best interests in mind here... you just have to do what you can and i think with you personal situation scaling the size down it the right thing to do.. you have to do whats right for you and FH.. and ithink its very noble of you to consider you fathers situation and you are able to see the larger things in life.. not just one expensive day..
Yankees2323
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:03 AM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:03 AM
Re: At an impass
1st off you need a
2nd if you n fh feel yu can do it then go for it but if you feel you need to ask ur dad for that portion and his business isnt going well maybe take a step back and try to cut a few things instead of the whole big wedding?
this money issue is killing everyone its so sad whats going on,, i feel like im in denial sometimes i look at the amount that still needs to get paid and it makes me sick and i keep asking where am i getting that $$ from...
also Amanda since they are cutting hrs at work what about a pt retail job? all the stores are hiring holiday help now.. and even if its an extra $100 a week its still extra money ya know..
grrulz
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:06 AM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:06 AM
Re: At an impass
Amanda!! you are def not overreacting because I could understand what you are going thru...this economic has put a burden on mostly everyone and seeing the boards it has unfortunately affected the wedding business as well....It is totally understandable why you are considering a smaller wedding but if you really want the same size wedding that you originally were planning to have then I think you should consider 2011 is nothing wrong with that?? perhaps you can do it on the winter season which will bring down the cost I am sure if you lock 2010 prices it will be cheaper and trust me people are booking 2011 now!! which is a great idea!!...I am not forcing you to do a 2011 wedding it is only if you really want to have the same amount of people on the other hand if you think the immediate family will be the most important for you and you will enjoy it more like that then YES go for the smaller wedding....anything you will decide!! your wedding will be BEAUTIFUL...because as long as you and FH plan it together and enjoy every single moment of it THAT'S what's gonna make it the most memorable BEST OF LUCK
soontoobemrsk
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:12 AM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:12 AM
Re: At an impass
Amanda. FH and I decided to do a small wedding partially for economic reasons and partially because we feel it is a more intimate affair. Having a small weddng doesnt mean that it has to be a bbq. It can still be formal and beautiful, just smaller. But if you have your heart set on the big wedding, I would push it back to 2011 but book now so you get the current rates. If you need to talk, as always, feel free to fm me.
JC297
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:16 AM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:16 AM
Re: At an impass
Amanda,I know exactly how you are feeling. FH and I are paying for 95% of our wedding. It's very hard and very stressful. We are not having a very big wedding, only 75 people. With that being said, I'm not sure how many people you were planning on having but perhaps you can scale it down. There are plenty of places with very low minimums as well as venues that charge less.
Originally I did not want to have a wedding, I just wanted to elope but everyone told me I would live to regret it so I went along with it and am content with my decision.
I also toyed with the idea of having a destination wedding but I felt that it would still cost me a considerable amount of money and not everyone would be able to come, especially in this economy. Plus I have my grandmother who is in her 80's and will not fly.
I hope things work out for you, I remember how excited you were when you chose to have a larger wedding. Best of luck.
And if you need anyone to listen, we are all here for you!
soontoobemrsk
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:25 AM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:25 AM
Re: At an impass
Amanda, I was also originally thinking about a destination wedding, and although it doesnt seem like it is, it is realllllly inexpensive. The reason we decided against it was because it was almost impossible for us to find a kosher caterer (stictly kosher, not kosher style) in the islands. They didnt have kosher appliances or pots and pans, and his parents are very strict and would not go for this. But otherwise, it is a very economical option. I would suggest looking at sandals resorts, as I found them to be very well priced, and at renting a villa and having the wedding there. I found that caterers, florists, pretty much everything, is less than here (obviously depending on where the destination is)...but I pretty much checked out all of the islands. I also looked at some places in New England which were GORGEOUS but this also didnt work for us bc of the kosher thing, but I know that isnt an issue for you. FM if you want specific details of places I have saved etc.
JoanneAndJustin
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:33 AM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:33 AM
Re: At an impass
You and FH need to sit down and talk about this. It's not about the wedding it's about the marriage. The two of you coming together and sharing your lives for better, for worse, and in sickness and in health, etc. Do whatever makes sense to YOU.
I know it was a bumpy road for you and FH to get to where you are now... but you did it... together. You will continue to come to crossroads and face them together.
The economy is in a bad way right now -- and it doesn't look as if it will get better any time soon, but now more than ever vendors are willing to negotiate. SOME money is better than NO money. I know lots of RHs that are dropping their 2008-2009 rates.
My mom is CONTINUES to offer to pay for part of the wedding. FH and I are refusing, but I made an agreement with her -- IF we need the money AFTER the wedding we'll take it. So, all the upfront costs are coming from us... the wedding will be paid in full, and if she'd like to give us a gift at that time and if we need it... we'll take it. Would something like that work for you and your parents?
Sit down, relax... take a breather. It's just a wedding, one day... but your marriage will be a lifetime.
rocketsummer17
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:36 AM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:36 AM
Re: At an impass
Amanda, I am really sorry you are having to deal with this now.If you feel that you have to make the wedding smaller than it is then so be it. I have seen many small wedding's that were just as nice if not nicer than the large extravagant weddings. You are lucky though that your hall is willing to give you a full refund should you decide against staying with the large wedding. Maybe you can try to price out all your other vendors and see how much it would end up costing you before you make your final decision. Even if you decide to push the wedding back make sure to book vendors early so you an lock in a cheaper rate...
We love you babe and anything you need we will all be here for you!!
Yankees2323
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:36 AM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:36 AM
Re: At an impass
Posted by soontoobemrsk
Amanda, I was also originally thinking about a destination wedding, and although it doesnt seem like it is, it is realllllly inexpensive. The reason we decided against it was because it was almost impossible for us to find a kosher caterer (stictly kosher, not kosher style) in the islands. They didnt have kosher appliances or pots and pans, and his parents are very strict and would not go for this. But otherwise, it is a very economical option. I would suggest looking at sandals resorts, as I found them to be very well priced, and at renting a villa and having the wedding there. I found that caterers, florists, pretty much everything, is less than here (obviously depending on where the destination is)...but I pretty much checked out all of the islands. I also looked at some places in New England which were GORGEOUS but this also didnt work for us bc of the kosher thing, but I know that isnt an issue for you. FM if you want specifi
****Amanada the resort i go to in jamaica their most exp package is $2,000 im dyingg to have my wedding there but fh wants it here,, i also have seen about 7 wedding there and they were all beautiful i also saw the flowers and i have pix of the last weddings flowers i saw in nov... fm me if you want some info!!
T E R I
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:56 AM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:56 AM
Re: At an impass
first And your not overreacting at all and I totally understand what you are going through.
I am going through the same thing, I just haven't discussed here because then it would be making it more real. Me and FH (more FH) are paying for the wedding. And now with just buying the house and all the money that it is costing to do the rennovations for us to move in, FH is realizing that its alot of money going out. So now FH wants to change things on the wedding which i can't handle because i didn't want the big wedding in the beginning, it was for his family, but now that i've been planning it-its mine and I think I'm about to lose it.
So you have to do what is right for the both of you
RitasEngaged
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:58 AM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 10:58 AM
Re: At an impass
Amanda you have to do what is best for you and FH. Just remember that the marriage is what is important not the wedding. I hope everything works out.I am sorry for you too Teri!!
barbtony
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 11:29 AM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 11:29 AM
Re: At an impass
I wish I had the words that could make it all better for you. Both you and FH need to talk about it and decide what's right for the 2 of you. But just know, that the LIW girls are here for you. No one can tell you what to do, but my suggestion is to go with your gut. Do what you and FH feel is the right thing to do. There are no easy answers.
FallBride2010
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 11:30 AM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 11:30 AM
Re: At an impass
I'm sorry you are going through this. I know it's not an easy decision. With the economy and the wedding 2 years away, I also cant stop thinking about how we are going to pay for everything. At the moment we are ok financially...but you can never predict what the future holds. The one way I try to ease my worries...I know that if I absolutely have to...I can use my wedding gifts to pay off the rest of the costs. Obviously it's not ideal...but if you have your heart set on the wedding...it might be an option.
Ray8183
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 11:36 AM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 11:36 AM
Re: At an impass
Amanda, it's okay to do a smaller wedding or to get married in 2011. There are brides who have gotten married at the justices of the peace and on their tenth anniverary had a bigger wedding. There are also brides who changed their RH to Knights of Columbus and still had a wonderful time. Only you and your FH can decide. No matter what the both of you do, us ladies on LIW will stand by you. Teri, I hope this helps you to. My FH and I brought our house in Nov and push the wedding to Nov 2010. I believe both of will have beautiful wedding no matter what size it it. If both of need to talk, please FM me.
JoanneAndJustin
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 11:41 AM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 11:41 AM
Re: At an impass
Posted by T E R I
first
And your not overreacting at all and I totally understand what you are going through.
I am going through the same thing, I just haven't discussed here because then it would be making it more real. Me and FH (more FH) are paying for the wedding. And now with just buying the house and all the money that it is costing to do the rennovations for us to move in, FH is realizing that its alot of money going out. So now FH wants to change things on the wedding which i can't handle because i didn't want the big wedding in the beginning, it was for his family, but now that i've been planning it-its mine and I think I'm about to lose it.
So you have to do what is right for the both of you
Teri, I am so sorry
to you too. Feel free to FM me if you want to talk.. You and FH will make all the right decisions... and we're here for you.
JenBill61210
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 11:55 AM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 11:55 AM
Re: At an impass
amanda i don't blame you at all! there are times where i feel like its going to be too much that id rather have something small. don't worry because its going to be just as beautiful of a day, all that matters is that you are marrying the love of your life... good luck and keep us updated on what you end up doing!
amandah75
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 01:25 PM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 01:25 PM
Re: At an impass
Grrrrr! Had a whole thing typed out and of course LIW goes down and I lose it. Hate that.Just want to thank everyone for all of there support and advice. It's sad cause FH is more upset than I am. I originally wanted a small wedding and next thing I know we have 120 people. Even if we cut out friends we're still at 75 people. We looked into disney, but the cost was so ridiculous for what you get. FH said he doesn't want to look for another RH on the island cause they won't compare to our original. really gonna look into different options after the holidays. Really like the idea of a New England wedding so I'll definitely be hitting Pam up for that info. Not sure if a Caribbean wedding would go over well with FH's father and my pasty white Irish family but that price sounds amazing. Will have to get info on that as well.
Like everyone said, no matter when or where I'm still marrying the love of my life and it will be fabulous no matter what. FH said he'd marry me on Rte 112 if that's where we could afford to have it.
Teri,
I'm sorry you are experiencing the same thing. I know the stress is unbelievable. We would actually be able to afford the wedding if we hadn't dropped so much money on renovating our home. Still paying that off. The way I look at it is my home is more important than a 5 hour party. I don't regret doing the house before the wedding. Think that's why i've been out of sorts for a while. We came to the financial realization which rocked our world, my mom was in the hospital for 2 weeks and I hosted my first holiday dinner which was overwhelming but came out great. Hope everyone is well and had a great thanksgiving and thanks again for all of your support.
T E R I
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 02:10 PM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 02:10 PM
Re: At an impass
Big hugs for you Amanda And thank you, me and FH are going to be sitting down this weekend to discuss everything for the wedding to see what's going to happen. The only thing that stinks is we have been paying deposits to the RH and we have everything booked with deposits down.
amandah75
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 03:40 PM+
Posted: Dec 03, 2008 03:40 PM
Re: At an impass
Posted by T E R I
Big hugs for you Amanda
And thank you, me and FH are going to be sitting down this weekend to discuss everything for the wedding to see what's going to happen. The only thing that stinks is we have been paying deposits to the RH and we have everything booked with deposits down.
Luckily we've only booked the photog and we're hoping to work something out with her. maybe do a photo shoot in our wedding duds or something like that. if you are going to change dates that may not be an issue or even if you change the venue i'm sure you can get your vendors to follow you.
Good luck and keep us updated.
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