This is why young children should not be at weddings

My fmil and I were talking last night she said that her daughter which is my fsil wants to know if her 3 1/2 year old daughter gets tired can she go up to the bridal suite and sleep. I couldn't believe I was being asked this. The bridal suite is for me and my girls and the grrom suite is for the grrom and his guys. Then my fmil said she would stay with her granddaughter if they brought her up to the room which I was mad about cause she is the groom's Mom she should be at the wedding and be there for everything not watch her daughter's child. The child's mother should watch her or not bring her to the wedding if she feels the child is going to get tired and start acting up. My flower girl is 3 1/2 years old and she will be fine cause she has had to stay out until 12am before. I am so mad about this. I already told my RH to make sure that only my girls and I have the code to get into the bridal suite and to not allow anyone else in my room with out me there. I swear sometimes I do not understand my fh's family. This was just wrong of them to think that this would be alright with me. If the child gets tired she can bring her up to the grooms suite not my room. I do not trust my fsil or her children near my personal things or my girls personal things that we are going to have with us that day. That is my space and I am keeping it that way. My parents were pissed when I told them what his family wanted from me my Mom was like what the heck is wrong with these people do they stay up all night thinking of ways to wreck your wedding or to make you unhappy.

Re: This is why young children should not be at weddings

I agree with you completely dispite what others have told me. This is why I dod not want children at my wedding. You have a right to be annoyed. If the little girl gets tired them it is time for them to go home.

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Honestly, I don't see the big deal in it. Would this really ruin your wedding like your parents said? If the little girl is tired, let her sleep. Who cares if your fmil will miss part of the wedding. I think you shouldn't stress over something like this so much.

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I'm so sorry Melinda! I would be angry as well. I believe that children really don't have a place at a wedding, especially if they will be ruining the time of an adult. If they're that concerned about her nap time, they shouldn't be bringing her, and should have hired a sitter. I'm dreading this myself. Good luck with everything....you have such a short time to go, soon it will be fine!

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I agree.

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totally agree...though i am not a fan of little kids at weddings either, I dont see this as a big deal. At least she wont be running around making a mess that way!

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My parents are upset about this. My parents think the groom's mom should be at the wedding and involved in the wedding and not watching her daughter's child. We allowed all the kids in the family to come including kids on my side only to avoid problems since we didn't want kids at my shower it caused a lot of drama so we tired to do things differently and yet still more drama. My parents really think that they sit up at night thinking of was to cause me and my fh problems and ways to wreck our wedding. Fsil hates me she always has. I will never be family to her she has said it many times to me.

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I really am sorry about all of this. I am also dreading myself. I have already had my share of drama and children at the wedding. Everyone has their own opinion but this is what it boils down to. This is your day. You should have what you want no matter what anyone else says. Do what you want and forget everyone else. I hope this passes quickly for you.

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. Fsil hates me she always has. I will never be family to her she has said it many times to me.

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I understand why you are upset, I do. However, you shouldn't let this put a damper on your special day. There is going to be so much going on, so much happiness and people focused on you that this really won't be a big deal. Your day is so close, you should be relaxing now and not worrying about this. Don't let them get to you! It's all about you and FH and if MIL wants to do this, let her. Afterall, she'd be an idiot watching a baby instead of celebrating fully with you but at least you will have many others with you guys.

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Hey Melinda...For our wedding we had 8 kids in our wedding party (two 9 year olds, two 7 year olds, a 5 year old, 4 year old, 3 year old and 2 year old). No other kids were invited but obviously we ran the risk of kids getting tired. The only one who fell asleep was the 2 year old and he fell asleep in his stroller and slept in the reception room. However we had invited a babysitter on hand to bring the kids to the bridal suite if they got tired. Honestly, these little things should not even concern you. Chances are she may not even fall asleep. And if she does, let them use the bridal suite. It is a lot better than having a kid screaming in your reception. By worrying about this a week before your wedding, it is just adding unnecessary stress to your wedding day. Pick and choose your battles. This is something minimal. As for fmil, i highly doubt she is going to leave her sons reception to watch her grandchild. If she is going to do it, then let her. Tell them to bring a stroller and if she falls asleep, maybe they can keep her in the reception room. Trust me when i tell you, do not let ANYTHING bother you that day. HTH

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I just feel that my fsil has caused a lot of problems for me with this wedding. She hasn't let me enjoy one thing. She finds out about something that deals with our wedding she finds a way to wreck it. I am waiting to see what drama she causes tonight at my parents house. Most of my family that is invited to the dinner hate her. She got them to hate her the first time she met them. I just wish she would do one thing a take care of her own daughter so my fsil can enjoy the wedding with us. If she couldn't take care of her own children she should have never had kids. They are her children not anyone elses so it isn't fair for her to pawn them off on other people when she is there mother. I wish I had a normal fsil. I hate that she is nuts I never had any of these problems with any other guys sister or sisters. I got along with my ex's family member (brothers, sisters, mothers cousins, fathers ect.) This is the first time I am with a guy who has a sister that hates me and wants to make my life hell and wants to do whatever it takes to get me out of there family.

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I don't really see anything wrong with that...thats JMO... You have to pick and choose your battles with the FH and FIL's and I just don't think this should be one of them. Sorry thats just my opinion... I just like avoiding fights at all costs

Message edited 12/27/2008 2:55:58 PM.

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I feel for ya girl. I only have two little ones coming. My mom thought the same thing would happen. However, they informed me that the boys would only be staying part of the night, and then getting picked up by a family friend. I am worried about people being all up in my **** too. I wanted to say something too to the RH but felt like I would be a zilla, now I am going to. What did you say exactly? Good idea!

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You have a right to feel upset about your fsil however by getting so caught up in what she has done to you and taking it out on the fact that she wants to use the bridal suite, you have to realize that you are adding more drama to the day. Tell her sure, use the bridal suite if you need it. Deal with your issues with your fsil after your wedding. This will prevent more drama from happening on your wedding day. As for fmil, she is the one offering to watch the kid if she falls asleep. It should be your fh saying you, as the mother of the groom, have a responsibility to be in our reception, not babysitting that night. How does he feel about all this?

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i think if she has given u probs from the start then this is not about letting a little girl get some sleep this is a wholoe bunch of other stuff that u have had with them u r so close to ur date so i say let it go why add the stress on..as for this be a reason not to have kids,i personally love that the kids in my fam will be there my sisters and brothers kids r a HUGE part of my life and could not imagine my big day without them

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No offense, but I would just let the kid sleep in the suite. If you're worried about your belongings then maybe the groom's suite is better since men don't really bring important "stuff" with them. If I were you I wouldn't want to give my inlaws ammo, i.e. them telling people something like, "oh she's such a b*tch she wouldn't let the baby nap in her room" (I'm not calling you that- I'm just saying what realistically your FILs would probably say if they wanted to make trouble about it).

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Heres an idea for your future SIL, GET A BABYSITTER!!!!!! I don't understand how these parents don't want a night off!!!!

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I guess I'm a major damper on this...I think that ALL children SHOULD be invited to weddings...or at least leave it up to the paretns... I remember when I was a child and how upset I would get if someone close to me didn't invite me to their wedding. Afterwards I wouldn't want to talk to them b/c I thought they didn't like me. But then the weddings I WAS invitied to, I still remember to this day.
I think you need to pick and choose your battles with your inlaws...something as small as this can be discussed and maybe you can bend a bit. See how they feel about staying in the grooms suite. Just breathe. I mean, FHs family causes waves with me from time to time as well, but I choose which I value the most. Something like this I would allow. That's just me. What if she really does fall asleep, that you give her a walkie talkie so when she wakes up she can get her mom without running away or getting scared? My friend did this to her daughter at a friends weddig when she was 4... she didn't end up going to sleep, but it was still good so no one would miss anything at the wedding.
JMO... you should talk to her... I wouldn't want her to get the wrong impression of you...

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I already told fh no if and or but his niece is staying in the grooms suite if she needs to sleep there is no way my girls and I are going to allow her in my bridal suite and my parents will not allow it either. My parents said they will get involved if they are found in my bridal suite with out me or my parents knowing about it. Our personal stuff will be in there that day so she is only aloud in the grooms suite and that is that. I am not giving into this since I am paying for the RH with my parents. My fh has put in a little bit of money for the RH. I will be telling my fmil the only room her granddaughter can stay in is the groom suite or have her daughter bring a stroler with her and have her child sleep in that. I am not allowing anyone up in the bridla suite and that is what I want. My parents said that is the way it should be and they have no right expecting you to give up your bridal suite for the child to sleep in when I paid for the RH. If they helped pay for it then that would be different but they didn't for whatever reasons which I understand but they have no right to control my day or even expect anything from me. I am not giving in. I am not being walked all over someone needs to say no to her.

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If this is truely something that you value then yes..I would stand firm. but why is it that you do not trust her? She will be your family...so will you be afraid to leave her alone in a room in your house in the future? I don't know...that seems sorta harsh. Do the two of you get along at all? And how come she doesn't want the grooms suite to be used for this same purpose? Lastly, I don't thnk you'll be in the bridal suite at all once the party starts. Less to go to the bathroom. lol. Does that room have a safe..? Mine does.... so anyone can go up there...

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No I do not trust my fsil. She hates me so why should I trust someone that hates me. She has done a lot of things to me and she has done a lot of things to my family. I will never trust her until she changes and tries to make things right but she won't she doesn't have it in her to do so she just loves make me feel worthless and making my life hell. I see her every weekend to watch her children and I see her for the holidays (Jewish holidays, and Catholic holidays). I told my fh I would try again to be friends with her after the wedding when she has nothing to control or make a nightmare. I also told him if she wrecks the rehearsal dinner or does anything wrong that he has to give me his word on that I do not have to have any relationship with her at all he said ok. If my fsil ever earns my trust back that is when I will trust her again she has broken my trust over and over again and has made it very clear she hates that I am with her brother and wants me out of his life cause she hates me. I don't hate her I just think she is not well. I would love to be friends with her and have a close relationship with my fsil but I can't see that happening until she changes.

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Why does she hate you so much? And, what else has she done in the past? You dno't have to share if you dno't want to...

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That's why NOOOOO kids at my wedding. It's no fun for the kid or the parents. Tell them to find a babysitter.

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This sounds like a bigger issue than a little girl sleeping in a bridal suite..i suggest you get to the root of the issues rather than letting this one incident be the cause of so much drama for you.