OMG I may not have a flower girl, bridesmaid, or ring bearer now!!

My mother and stepfather are taking most of the financial responsibility for my wedding. Mom just wanted my dad to possibly pay for a portion of the reception, especially since I am asking their children to be in the wedding party (one sister is supposed to be a bridesmaid, one a flower girl, and my brother the ring bearer) since I am very close to the kids. I asked my stepmom a month ago for the names and addresses of all my relatives from her & my father a month ago. 2 weeks ago, I politely asked her again. Monday, I asked again, and told her I needed them by Friday, and also mentioned to her that mom wants to discuss how they are paying for everything, since all my deposits are due. Now stepmom is avoiding me and I still don't have my relatives addresses and info, and mom doesn't want them at the wedding if they aren't going to pay for anything!! I am not very close with my father but I am absolutely heartbroken that the kids may not be able to be there!! Now I don't know what to do.

Re: OMG I may not have a flower girl, bridesmaid, or ring bearer now!!

Ohh, eternity! Hugs for you! I think you need to very politely explain to your mom that the kids are important to you, and that they're innocent here-- if she forbids your father and stepmom from coming to the wedding, she'll be really hurting you because then the kids won't come either. That's not fair to you or them.

Re: OMG I may not have a flower girl, bridesmaid, or ring bearer now!!

Oh yeah I forgot to mention... it's not that my mother wouldn't let me have them there, it's that my father won't let them go if he is not invited. My mom said I can do whatever to make me happy but my dad is being very spiteful and stepmonster is just going to take his side.

Re: OMG I may not have a flower girl, bridesmaid, or ring bearer now!!

Right. I figured that. IMO, unless you hate his guts, your father and stepmonster should be invited whether they chip in or not. Of course it's lousy of them not to pay for anything (unless they really can't afford it), but for YOUR sake, I think your mom needs to understand that it's more important to have the kids there than it is to 'stick it' to your dad and stepmom.

Re: OMG I may not have a flower girl, bridesmaid, or ring bearer now!!

well mom's way would solve some other problems.... like who to pick to walk me down the aisle, who to pick for the father/daughter dance, etc... LOL j/k although that's getting difficult too because I want both of them

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Re: OMG I may not have a flower girl, bridesmaid, or ring bearer now!!

I think that even if your father and stepmother won't pay, you should probably invite them anyway. It's unfortunate that they are avoiding you. Let's say they can't afford to help out (my parents can't, but they are doing everything else that they possibly can) at least acknowledge it and help in some other way. If you want the kids there, they should be there. But my concern is that if they are in your party, will you wind up paying for dresses/tuxes too? Maybe you should investigate that too.

Re the father/daughter dance and the walk up the aisle, can you split it? Can be done a few ways. First, have dad walk you up the aisle, have stepfather do dance (or vice versa).
OR
Have stepdad walk you half way up the aisle, have dad take you rest of the way, and do TWO father/daughter dances, one with each.

But do whatever YOU are comfortable with, it's YOUR wedding.

Re: OMG I may not have a flower girl, bridesmaid, or ring bearer now!!

I would bypass stepmom and go straight to Dad.

HUGS FOR YOU!!!

Re: OMG I may not have a flower girl, bridesmaid, or ring bearer now!!

Definitely bypass stepmom-go to dad...Also, it is important to have your dad's family their-you will miss those kids on your day-explain that to your mom....they should all be invited, no matter what..

Also, you could have both your dad and stepdad walk you down, and have 2 father/daughter dances...just forwarn your biological father of your choice.