Read PART ONE FIRST...this is Part II!

BEFORE YOU READ THIS, GO BACK AND READ PART ONE!

Two weeks pass, and we head back to the doctor. The news is split – good news that the ear infection is gone; bad news that she still hears the heart murmur and now she’s suggesting we take Paul to a heart specialist. I suppose I had built up toughness to this issue over the last 14 days, b/c much to my own surprise, I did not cry. I accepted the referral for the pediatric cardiologist, thanked and hugged the doctor (this will probably be my last visit to her office b/c of our move), and promised to call her and let her know how Paul is doing.

Fast forward to this past Wednesday…our appt w/the cardiologist is in the morning. I was planning to take Paul on my own, since Jeff works during the day. However, when he came down to the kitchen to fill his coffee cup, he informs me [casually] that he will be coming with Paul and me to the appt. Since we were trying hard not to obsess over this appt or this issue, this little gesture by itself clues me into just how worried Daddy is about his boy. Just knowing this makes my stress level jump, even though having Jeff w/us is a huge relief to me.

We get to office early and fill out the paperwork. Paul is usual jovial self, walking about the waiting room and exploring the toys available. As Jeff follows him around and play w/him, I am pre-occupied by the cards, letters and pictures that adorn the walls of the reception area. “Dear Doctor X, Thank you for mending my broken heart.” I try to look away, but you know how that goes, right??

The doctor calls us in. Immediately, he’s drawn to Paul, commenting on how handsome he is and so quiet and such a good boy. The doctor notes that Paul is twice the size of his own granddaughter, who just turned one year old as well. I can’t help but smile at this, since Paul’s pediatrician was previously so concerned about his size and weight. We talk a little bit about what has brought us to his office and about 2 minutes after he listens to Paul’s heart, he confirms that he too, hears the noise in Paul’s heart that the pediatrician has heard. I’m not sure whether to be comforted or more worried. Again, I try to read his reaction, but I guess he’s got a poker face for a reason.

Nowadays, they perform cardiograms in the office using a sonogram machine, just like the ones you see during your pregnancy. Let me assure you however, that this is not as happy of an experience. It takes both Jeff and I to hold Paul still on the table, as the technician takes pictures of Paul’s heart. I am holding my breath, while trying to smile at my son. A thousand things go through your mind, as you stare at the tech and try to read HER reactions to what she sees. Another poker face.

She finishes and sends us back to the waiting room, so the doctor has time to read the pics and prepare his results. Thank GOD we do not have to wait days to find out what’s going on. Minutes later, he’s calling us back to his consult room, and I am bracing myself for his diagnosis. Again, things running through your mind…the belief that Jeff and I created a perfect baby and the hope that he is still perfect (with the exception of the very slight bump on his head, sustained from a run-in with a toy just that same morning). I try not to let my mind wonder too much, b/c I don’t have the strength to think of how Paul’s life might be changed or limited by a heart problem or worse, possibility of heart surgeries to repair something that we never knew was there. There are no books that you can read and no one prepares you for moments like these.

Here’s the great part –Paul is FINE. Better yet, PERFECT. This angelic doctor (whom I now wanted to hug) has confirmed for us that the murmur is what he and other heart specialists routinely call, “innocent.” He says that Paul will likely outgrow this before he’s a teenager and that we, unlike some other parents, have the good fortune of knowing that our son’s heart is fine and healthy and we can go home and forget about this whole thing. Oddly, I have to convince myself to smile. It takes a few minutes for it to sink in, I guess. I catch Jeff’s eye and then it’s impossible not to smile. We get into the car and turn to each other. I took a deep breath and burst into tears, sobbing. Paul’s probably wondering, “What’s wrong with Mommy?” Jeff knows. His eyes fill up too. A month’s worth of fear, stress and worry finally relieved! Being a parent can really test you at times. We made it through Paul’s first year in very good shape and we are so incredibly grateful. We are praying to be just as fortunate during year number two.

Message edited 6/8/2003 10:49:50 PM.

Re: My 2,000 word essay on a month we won't soon forget...Part II

Oh my ....... I am so happy that Paul is okay. I would have been jumping out of my skin that whole month. Please give Paul a hug from me!!! I am so glad that it all worked out in the end.

Re: My 2,000 word essay on a month we won't soon forget...Part II

Claud!!! First, thank God I got to that part that said "Paul is OK...perfect" You poor thing! OMG, I know that sickening feeling from our Cystic Fibrosis scare. Trying to dress the baby with shaking hands, lump in your throat and that sick feeling. I can only imagine a month of that fear. My heart goes out to you & DH with the stress you went through. I'm just so glad he is fine. I'm sure you said a prayer of gratitude as you were leaving that doctors office, knowing that he has dealt with many many sick children. Had there been something more, you would get through, that Mommy strength is very very powerful but I'm so happy that your "essay" ends happily.

You're a strong woman and a great Mom.


So scary...

{{{HUGS to you, Jeff & Paul}}}

Re: My 2,000 word essay on a month we won't soon forget...Part II

thank you for sharing!! I am sitting here with tears on my eyes thanking God that Paul is ok!!

Re: My 2,000 word essay on a month we won't soon forget...Part II

Than you for warning us that this story had a happy ending. I would have had to stop reading otherwise.

to you and my handsome boyfriend Paul! So GLAD everything is FINE FINE FINE!

Re: My 2,000 word essay on a month we won't soon forget...Part II

Claud I am so glad to hear that Paul is okay. It is the most wonderful feeling in the world to know that your child is completely healthy.

I know that you and Jeff are marvelous parents. Your care and concern for Paul are evident in all of your postings and we get to see it in the pics of him that you so generously share with all of us.

Big hugs to all three of you.

Re: My 2,000 word essay on a month we won't soon forget...Part II

Wow - what a beautiful story - thank you so much for sharing.

I am so glad that Paul is OK. I, too, had a heart murmur growing up - and I grew out of it - but I know at first it caused my parents a bit of stress.

But you and your DH handled it together - your story brought tears to my eyes. All the best!!

Re: My 2,000 word essay on a month we won't soon forget...Part II

Claud even though I already heard this story (and the happy ending ) from you, it was inevitable that I read it through a little blur and that I welled up with as much emotion as any other mom reading it...

I'm SOOO happy that everything is ok with precious Paul. He has an amazing mommy and daddy. God Bless your strength and devotion to this precious baby ! (or should I say BIG BOY ! )



John Anthony hopes to see him again soon !

Re: My 2,000 word essay on a month we won't soon forget...Part II

Claud...glad to hear your little one is goingto be just fine.


He is truly lucky to have such wonderful parents that care for him.

Re: My 2,000 word essay on a month we won't soon forget...Part II

Oh Claud you are one strong woman and your DH is one wonderful man!!! Im so glad to hear that Paul is ok!!!! I couldn't imagine going through what you have.
's for you, DH and Paul

Re: My 2,000 word essay on a month we won't soon forget...Part II

oh claud - i'm not yet a mom, but i read your story with tears in my eyes!! i was also born with a heart murmur. my mom tells me how her and my dad were so freaked, but thankfully in the end, all was good. i outgrew it by age 12-13. i honestly can never remember it affecting my life in anyway.

hugs to you and paul and jeff!!

Re: My 2,000 word essay on a month we won't soon forget...Part II

Thanks ladies I'm still sort of in shock over the whole episode. I spent a lot of time playing w/Paul today and twice I had to grab him away from his toys and just kiss and squeeze him for a few minutes. The past month has made me so insecure and clingy to my baby. I hope I can get over it, otherwise the kid's gonna wanna move out!

Thanks for your kind and caring words. I promise to share new pics of big boy Paul - on the playground, on the carousel, and eating french fries - later this week.

Re: My 2,000 word essay on a month we won't soon forget...Part II

Claudine - I'm so happy to hear that Paul is A-OK! Seeing the pics of him always brightens my day.

Re: My 2,000 word essay on a month we won't soon forget...Part II

Soooo glad it had a happy ending!!!! Thanks for sharing your story with us!!!!

Re: Read PART ONE FIRST...this is Part II!

I am so glad that paul is okay.....That is simply great.

Re: Read PART ONE FIRST...this is Part II!

wow - so glad the little guy is ok!!!! You and hubby sound like an amazing team and fabulous parents!

I too had a heart mumur as a child and outgrew it - although I'm sure it scared mom a bit!

Your doctors sound amazing also - good to know that they didn't just dismiss it as sometimes doctors do.

I just love a happy ending

Re: Read PART ONE FIRST...this is Part II!

Claud, I was swept up in so many emotions reading your story. Although I'm not a mother, your story was so moving and being that I met your handsome little boy, my heart was in my stomach until I read the happy ending. I'm so happy that Paul is perfect.

Re: Read PART ONE FIRST...this is Part II!

Re: Read PART ONE FIRST...this is Part II!

Claud - you are so incredibly strong for having gone thorugh that. Thank God paul is okay and perfect. I give you so much credit for being as strong as you were. I would have been a mess. Give Paul a big hug from Justin

Re: Read PART ONE FIRST...this is Part II!

Claud I am SO glad everything is fine! That must have been so difficult for the two of you....

Re: Read PART ONE FIRST...this is Part II!

You had me crying by the end of the story. Thank God that Paul is o.k. God bless Paul and your family

Re: Read PART ONE FIRST...this is Part II!

I doubt I even have to tell you this, but I am grateful that Paul is healthy and fine. I am sorry you had such a difficult experience. that is very scary not to know if you child is sick or not. I hope you never have to worry like that again!

Re: Read PART ONE FIRST...this is Part II!

OMG!!! I'm sitting at work with tears in my eyes!

I'm soooo happy to hear that Paul is healthy!!

Re: Read PART ONE FIRST...this is Part II!

so glad he is okay thanks for typping and sharing all that with us

Re: Read PART ONE FIRST...this is Part II!

Oh Claud, I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face!!! I am so sorry that you and Jeff, and poor Paul, had to go through this horrible nightmare, but I thank God, that it all turned out for the best!!!! Give that gorgeous adorable son of yours a big hug and kiss!!!!!! I can't tell you how happy I am that everything is going to be just fine for you!!!