MOMMIES TO BE...PLEASE READ

MOTHERHOOD



We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of starting a family. “We’re taking a survey,” she says, half joking. “Do you think I should have a baby?”

“It will change your life,” I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral, “I know,” she says, “no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations …”

That is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, “What if that had been my child? That every plane crash, every fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.

I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby’s sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds off but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years – not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a caesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter’s relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time, I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts.

My daughter’s quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. “You’ll never regret it, “I finally say.

Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter’s hand and offer a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings … that of being a Mother.

Re: MOMMIES TO BE...PLEASE READ

Camille, I have seen this so many times...but, every time I read it, it still makes me cry Most of this is just so true. Thanks for sharing

Re: MOMMIES TO BE...PLEASE READ

I have never read that and I am balling. Thanks

Re: MOMMIES TO BE...PLEASE READ

I can't believe how touching this is....I'm still crying!!!

Re: MOMMIES TO BE...PLEASE READ

Thank you for sharing this!! I think the line, "You'll never regret it" is so powerful. Especially since so many of us have asked ourselves whether we're really 100% 'ready' for motherhood.

Re: MOMMIES TO BE...PLEASE READ

Very touching!

Re: MOMMIES TO BE...PLEASE READ

This always tugs at my heart.

Re: MOMMIES TO BE...PLEASE READ

I love it. I am saving this one.

Re: MOMMIES TO BE...PLEASE READ

wow, that is so touching. Im holding on to this one! Thanks for sharing

Re: MOMMIES TO BE...PLEASE READ

I love that. I printed that out on special stationary for my baby shower and framed it and gave it as part of a favor.

Re: MOMMIES TO BE...PLEASE READ

That's so beautiful!

Re: MOMMIES TO BE...PLEASE READ

how beautiful. thank you.