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NEW How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

neen

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Thanks!
 
 
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xjulietx

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How close are you to the family? Where is it being held?
 
 
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lrs2005

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about the same as what one would give for a wedding. although if you want you could give a US savings bond. For 2 people I would give $200, but for a relative it would be more.
 
 
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marymoon

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I disagree. I don't think you should give as much as a wedding. That's just insane. For a wedding you're giving a ift to two people, not one, and it's two people starting a lfie together, not one kids living with parents. I'd give a $100 savings bond in general ($50 cost) or more if it's someone very close or a relative.
 
 
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exotica776

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Posted by marymoon

I disagree. I don't think you should give as much as a wedding. That's just insane. For a wedding you're giving a ift to two people, not one, and it's two people starting a lfie together, not one kids living with parents. I'd give a $100 savings bond in general ($50 cost) or more if it's someone very close or a relative.



I agree, I would never give $300 for a bar mitzvah, JMO

 
 
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sarahbelle

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Try to give in denominations of $18 - it is a lucky number.
 
 
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NEW Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

lrs2005

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Why is it "insane"? If two people are attending the bar mitzvah as guests then it costs the parents to pay for two meals, (or for how ever many people were invited). If you are the only one going - then fine, 100 is appropriate.
I will say that 15 years ago I was receiving $200 from couples and $100 from single people and $50 from children.

I do not look at it like how many people are getting the gift, but how many people are giving the gift, which is exactly what brides complain about today - there have been numerous threads on this topic. So do not call the kettle black when you have two people attend and then wonder why people are not so generous to you. I am sorry but IMHO it is the same thing.
 
 
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marymoon

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I don't think a bar mitzvah compares to a wedding. JMO. If people want to spend a fortune on a bar mitzvah (whch FH's parents did, btw) I don't think I need to compensate for that. I don't see it as the same calibre of event, even if people do spend a fortune on it.

ETA: I also feel like if people want to spend $300 a plate on a wedding, I don't need to compensate for that either. A bar mitzvah is important, but I'd give the same gift as I'd give for a communion, confirmation or sweet 16, I wouldn't compare it to a wedding. To each their own
 
 

MESSAGE EDITED7/21/2005 7:44:19 PM

POSTED 7/21/05 7:41 PM



Posted By

NEW Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

lrs2005

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Posted by marymoon

I don't think a bar mitzvah compares to a wedding. JMO. If people want to spend a fortune on a bar mitzvah (whch FH's parents did, btw) I don't think I need to compensate for that. I don't see it as the same calibre of event, even if people do spend a fortune on it.


I am not saying that a bar/bat mitzvah is a wedding. It unfortunately is getting "blown up" like them, but I still feel if a person is throwing an event at a temple or a catering hall it will cost them $ - by giving a savings bond it is 1/2 the amount you pay and the kid gets it when he/she will really need it just as he graduates college and is beginning a life. So for your 100 down he will get 200 later on. That is a good gift.
From your comment I think that you may have other issues with bar mitzvah's in general. That is not the same as what neen was asking.

 
 
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sarahthegreat

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i would give whatever you are comfortable with. imo, i would give either a $100 savings bond of $100 cash. thats a generous gift and i would leave it at that
 
 
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marymoon

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Posted by lrs2005

Posted by marymoon

I don't think a bar mitzvah compares to a wedding. JMO. If people want to spend a fortune on a bar mitzvah (whch FH's parents did, btw) I don't think I need to compensate for that. I don't see it as the same calibre of event, even if people do spend a fortune on it.


I am not saying that a bar/bat mitzvah is a wedding. It unfortunately is getting "blown up" like them, but I still feel if a person is throwing an event at a temple or a catering hall it will cost them $ - by giving a savings bond it is 1/2 the amount you pay and the kid gets it when he/she will really need it just as he graduates college and is beginning a life. So for your 100 down he will get 200 later on. That is a good gift.
From your comment I think that you may have other issues with bar mitzvah's in general. That is not the same as what neen was asking.




I made the comment about FH's bar mitzvah to show that I know people do spend a fortune and I'm not putting them down, but I don't see it as the same as a wedding, and I can defintiely see a $200 savings bond, but I can't see giving $200 cash. I just think that's a LOT. All of these events are getting way too blown up. People throw these $100 p/p first birthday parties. I don't get sucked into it. I don't want to give a wedding size gift for every single event, that's all!

 
 
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marymoon

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duplicate post
 
 

MESSAGE EDITED7/21/2005 7:59:40 PM

POSTED 7/21/05 7:58 PM



Posted By

NEW Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

Blu-ize

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I usually give double chai (did I spell that right?)

I think the whole Bar/Bat Mitzvah thing has gotten out of hand. The $$ is for the kid not for the parents to pay for the shindig. Most of the time the parents are throwing this grand party to keep up with some other kids party. They can if they want, it's not the same as sending a couple off on their life together.

JMO
 
 
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MrsP2Be

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Nearly 20 years ago I got mostly $100 from couples and mine was at Crest Hollow.

Give what you feel comfortable giving.
 
 
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FTRBRIDE

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3 of my cousins were all recently bar/ bat mitzvahs. On average, their friends gave $50, and adults gave $100 pp. cash.

ETA: I think a lot of people are under the false impression that the 13 year old kid who gets his bar mitzvah goes to the mall with the $$ they receive, and that's why they don't want to give cash. The reality is that most of their parents invest the money for the child, and it is often used to pay for a good chunk of college.
 
 

MESSAGE EDITED7/22/2005 11:30:09 PM

POSTED 7/22/05 8:50 AM



Posted By

NEW Re: How much to give at a Bar Mitzvah???

DCSAAB06

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I didnt know anything back then when I went to them, hence since I am not Jewish but had a lot of friends who were.
I babysat to make my money and as a 13yr old I gave between $100-$150
I had no idea! That was what I was told....if i can remember.
 
 
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neen

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Thanks--I think $200 is a nice gift for two people.
 
 
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Mrs. dleeny

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Posted by marymoon

I disagree. I don't think you should give as much as a wedding. That's just insane. For a wedding you're giving a ift to two people, not one, and it's two people starting a lfie together, not one kids living with parents. I'd give a $100 savings bond in general ($50 cost) or more if it's someone very close or a relative.

I agree 100%!

 
 
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Goldi1021

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I give $100 if I go alone. I give $150 if its a relative. I give $200 if I go with a guest.

Giving a Bar/Bar Mitzvah gift is not quite the same as a wedding where you are helping a couple start off a new life. However, the money that I EARNED (yes I said EARNED) at my Bat Mitzvah was invested properly and helped to send me to college.

When a child becomes a Bar or a Bat Mitzvah, it is a lot more than a birthday party. It is a religious rite of passage that (in most or many cases) completes 3-5 years of study. In my 5 years, I learned a language. I learned why Jewish people do what we do. I learned how to observe holidays properly (whether I do them now is irrelevant). I learned how to pray. I remember the day I stood on the bimah and read my portion in Hebrew with NO mistakes (not an easy task) and the look in my parents eyes was something I would never forget. They were so very proud of me. It was worthy of every penny they spent to celebrate the accomplishment. At the time I had my celebration, 22 years ago, the party would have been considered "over the top" by today's standards. I was lucky to have a family that was able to provide that for me. If you would ask them if they had any regrets in regard to spending the money on it, they would say "no."

So basically, I think comparing a wedding to a Bar or a Bat Mitzvah is like comparing apples and oranges. Both are very important milestones and should be treated differently.
 
 
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palebride

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Posted by Goldi1021

When a child becomes a Bar or a Bat Mitzvah, it is a lot more than a birthday party. It is a religious rite of passage that (in most or many cases) completes 3-5 years of study. In my 5 years, I learned a language. I learned why Jewish people do what we do. I learned how to observe holidays properly (whether I do them now is irrelevant). I learned how to pray. I remember the day I stood on the bimah and read my portion in Hebrew with NO mistakes (not an easy task) and the look in my parents eyes was something I would never forget. They were so very proud of me. It was worthy of every penny they spent to celebrate the accomplishment. At the time I had my celebration, 22 years ago, the party would have been considered "over the top" by today's standards. I was lucky to have a family that was able to provide that for me. If you would ask them if they had any regrets in regard to spending the money on it, they would say "no."

So basically, I think comparing a wedding to a Bar or a Bat Mitzvah is like comparing apples and oranges. Both are very important milestones and should be treated differently.



I had no idea so much went into it.....
Thank you for sharing!

 
 
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Goldi1021

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My pleasure. BUT.. keep in mind that there are people who do not send their kids to Hebrew school or educate their children through Yeshiva and still have Bar and Bat Mitzvahs for their children. They may have their child tutored by a Rabbi or Cantor (or other person) at the home for this one particular event. Not everyone's experience is the same. There are reasons for everything.

For example, I am a special education teacher. One year, I had a student, who was quite autistic who had a Bar Mitzvah. His preparation and demonstration of the knowledge he acquired was vastly different from any other I had seen. Watching his parents celebrate his achievements that day was one of the most beautiful things I ever saw. It was very meaningful for them and for me as his teacher to participate. Funny, I didnt give him cash because I was uncomfortable. What I did give him was a Menorah with a Winnie the Pooh theme. The candle holders were honey pots. This child loved Winnie the Pooh and his Bar Mitzvah was during Chanukah that year.
 
 
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MrsP2Be

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I went to Hebrew School for 8 LONG years.
 
 
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LFitzy79

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Posted by sarahbelle

Try to give in denominations of $18 - it is a lucky number.



This is true, I went to a bunch when I was in middle school, and I my mother always sent me with a gift of $50, or $75 depending on the affair....and then she was told by a few of her work friends who were jewish that I should be giving in denominations of 18-so either 54 or 72...

eta-I hope that I didn't give cheap gifts....

 
 

MESSAGE EDITED7/22/2005 1:02:49 PM

POSTED 7/22/05 1:01 PM



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PrincessRose

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Posted by LFitzy79

eta-I hope that I didn't give cheap gifts....



Oh goodness, you didn't. You gave very generously, especially as a 13 year old going to another 13 year old's party.

This debate comes up every few months, and every time it gets very heated. However, the long and short of it is this:

A B'nai Mitzvah is a very important milestone in a child's life. It is the culmination of many years of study (I myself was in some sort of Jewish Education from the age of 2), and therefore is cause to celebrate. Some families can throw bigger parties than others. Mine was almost entirely homemade - I made the goodie bags, the sign in board, and the centerpieces myself, Mom made almost all the food herself, and we hired a DJ to entertain almost 200 people in the event room of our Synagogue. Other people have lavish, catered affairs. It boils down to this:

That kid is going to get a LOT of gifts. And if the kid isn't a spoiled brat, he/she will be grateful for each and every one of those gifts, no matter how big or small. Giving in multiples of $18 is lucky, but is by no means mandatory. The idea of covering your plate is a purely NY invention. I had never heard of it before coming there. I got, and have given, many many many $18 checks for B'nai Mitzvot. I was Grateful, and the kids who've gotten that from me have been Grateful. My cousin had his Bar Mitzvah last year. I got him a mug and gift certificates to Krispy Kreme (one of his favorite places) and he jumped up and down and hugged me like I had just offered to buy him a car. In 10 years, he'll remember that he got lots of money from various people, and Cousin Rachel got him gift certificates to Krispy Kreme.

I'm very sad that for many people, the B'nai Mitzvah has become nothing more than an excuse for a party.

 
 
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LFitzy79

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Posted by PrincessRose

Posted by LFitzy79

eta-I hope that I didn't give cheap gifts....



Oh goodness, you didn't. You gave very generously, especially as a 13 year old going to another 13 year old's party.

This debate comes up every few months, and every time it gets very heated. However, the long and short of it is this:

A B'nai Mitzvah is a very important milestone in a child's life. It is the culmination of many years of study (I myself was in some sort of Jewish Education from the age of 2), and therefore is cause to celebrate. Some families can throw bigger parties than others. Mine was almost entirely homemade - I made the goodie bags, the sign in board, and the centerpieces myself, Mom made almost all the food herself, and we hired a DJ to entertain almost 200 people in the event room of our Synagogue. Other people have lavish, catered affairs. It boils down to this:

That kid is going to get a LOT of gifts. And if the kid isn't a spoiled brat, he/she will be grateful for each and every one of those gifts, no matter how big or small. Giving in multiples of $18 is lucky, but is by no means mandatory. The idea of covering your plate is a purely NY invention. I had never heard of it before coming there. I got, and have given, many many many $18 checks for B'nai Mitzvot. I was Grateful, and the kids who've gotten that from me have been Grateful. My cousin had his Bar Mitzvah last year. I got him a mug and gift certificates to Krispy Kreme (one of his favorite places) and he jumped up and down and hugged me like I had just offered to buy him a car. In 10 years, he'll remember that he got lots of money from various people, and Cousin Rachel got him gift certificates to Krispy Kreme.

I'm very sad that for many people, the B'nai Mitzvah has become nothing more than an excuse for a party.




I remember being so jealous that I didn't get that kind of celebration for my comfirmation I made my mom promise that I could have a really big parties with all my friends for my sweet 16!
I didn't know that Krispy Kreme had gift certificates, that's awesome! I know what grab bag gift I'm bringing to the holiday party this year!!!!

 
 
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