kids at the reception- pretty long but I really need help

Alright ladies, I need your help. I just came back from a great lunch with my FH (who by the way, I love completely). Anyway, we got to talking about the wedding and some things that I'd like him to talk to my FMIL about in regards to people we are inviting she may not be too thrilled about and the topic of kids at the wedding.....I thought this was an issue that was done but I'm sensing its not. Bottom line? I don't want kids at the reception. To me, kids changes the whole feel of the wedding and just IMO, for the wedding I've always dreamed about, I can't imagine kids being there. I'm getting married at a formal place and I would like a formal reception. Well, my FH is kind of upset because he is saying that he thinks a lot of people may not come if they cannot bring their kids which is true. We're older now and a lot of our family/friends have had kids so it is possible that they won't come (the people that live out of state) because they can't find babysitters. I've heard though that a lot of these same people probably wouldn't come anyway (expense of flying it, hotel arrangements, etc.) So here's the problem, I really am dead set against kids being there, my family (who is paying for the reception) is against it too. But my FH and I know his mother wants them there thinking that this will make more people come (we need a minimum of 150). I disagree and think that I would rather have less than 150 then children there simply because if we invite one set, then we are inviting about 50+ other children. At $50 a head for children, my parents aren't willing to pay for it so my FH says that we can foot the extra money (which we don't have 2500 laying around)

So, here's where I need help. What do I do? I'm so nervous that when people call as I'm sure they will, his mother will say something like well if it means you can't come then by all means bring your kids, I don't want to have the other families pissed off that they had to arrange for a babysitter just because they didn't ask. Also, in thinking about it, his family isn't very big and its mostly his friends from college that wouldn't be able to make it because of the kids situation, so he may be feeling like he won't have that many people from his family there because they're only inviting like 50 people. Help!!!! (Again, I'm sorry this is so long)

Re: kids at the reception- pretty long but I really need help

I think you need to stick to your guns and tell FMIL and FH that you do not want 50+ kids at the wedding. What if you arranged for a baby sitter for the OOT guests that do have kids. This way they can leave their kids with the babysitter for the reception. I agree with you. I am not having kids either. Only the RB and FG which are both 7. But bottom line stand your ground and don't give in. Your parents are paying and FMIL is not.

Re: kids at the reception- pretty long but I really need help

Kids at a reception is such a touchy subject. If you don't want them there, don't have them there. I would say if it was three or four than it wouldn't make much difference, but fifty is another story. It is very important, however, that you and your FH present a united front in whatever decision you make, especially when speaking to FMIL about it.

Re: kids at the reception- pretty long but I really need help

How about taking a room at the harrison house and hiring a babysitter? You'd have to foot the bill but no one would have the excuse of their kids not being taken care of.


I doubt 50 of them would bring their kids and it might be a very nice and easy way to resolve this.

My cousin who we invited with her kids said she preferred being there without them and she's from out of state. It all depends on peoples situation.

Re: kids at the reception- pretty long but I really need help

I cannot believe I totally forgot about that alternative! Oh! You guys have made my entire day!

Re: kids at the reception- pretty long but I really need help

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Posted by hmm8191

How about taking a room at the harrison house and hiring a babysitter? You'd have to foot the bill but no one would have the excuse of their kids not being taken care of.

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Genius! And this way they can go and check on them if they want.

Re: kids at the reception- pretty long but I really need help

As I've said before this is a battle I wound up losing....

But I think your parents may be insulted if you decide to cover what they werent willing to pay because they feel kids at a wedding are inappropriate (which I agree with). Maybe explain it to FH and FMIL that way? Maybe them seeing it in a different light will make them understand?

Good luck!!

Re: kids at the reception- pretty long but I really need help

I feel your pain, I am going through the same situation, which has already caused major fights.

My mom is arranging to have a babysitter at the hotel for people with children, which we will pay for.

But I actually do have people who said they will not come unless their kids are invited. It is a sad situation, but what I learned is this: You cannot make everyone happy, there is always going to be someone who you piss off.

Is there a babysitter that you know of who can watch these kids??

Or, I am sure people in your family know about the wedding, they should start looking now for arrangements.

I always figured parents woukld like a night away from the kids...I know I would
Good Luck

Re: kids at the reception- pretty long but I really need help

I feel your pain as this was a problem for me too. But my feeling is that unless it is a niece/nephew or first cousin, children do not belong there. My mother disagrees with me but FH & FMIL agree with me. It is a touchy subject but just as I am trying to do, remember that it is YOUR day. Good luck!