Need advice for family drama and guest invites, please!

My fiance and I have decided on having a small destination wedding on the beach in Florida for next fall. Neither of us are crazy about big weddings and always wanted to get married on the beach with JUST close friends and family. Florida (rather than the Caribbean) is also more affordale for our guests.

My parents are paying for the wedding but my fiance and I are doing all of the wedding planning ourselves (we the help of a friend who also got married in Florida).

Anyway, my fiance's parents are divorcef and he is not close at all with either of his parents. His dad barely speaks to him (he can't remember the last time he spoke to his dad or received a card from him). We're going to invite him to the wedding, but we don't expect him to come...and we are obviously not expecting him to chip in for the wedding. My fiance speaks to his mom every now and then (a few times a year) and we usually see her on one major holiday a year. My fiance is much closer to my family than he is to his. She e-mails me every now and then to keep in touch and to tell my fiance to call her (uh).

We would like to have a SMALL wedding, like 30-40 people. We are having close friends and family, and that's IT.

My fiance's mom recently e-mailed my mom and said that she would like to meet with my mom in the next few months (they have never met before because my family is in NY and she is in SC) to 'coordinate the wedding.' My mom was puzzled and asked me what to say. I have already told his mom that the wedding is going to be small and we are doing all of the planning. I'm scared this is going to create drama! We already made a guest list for my fiance's side of the family, which includes his mom's boyfriend and my fiance's cousin's and aunt and uncle, whom we see occasionally on holidays and keep in touch with., but that's it..

OK, sp my question is, do I have to ask my fiance what guests she would like to invite to the wedding? I'm worried that she's is going to want to invite 1000 people that we don't know, which is SOOO the opposite of what we want to do!

I have no idea if his mom is chipping in for the wedding...my parents don't expect her to since she is single and it would be hard for her. She hasn't mentioned anything about chipping in - yet. If she does offer to help pay, I'm sure it won't be much. However, if she does offer to chip in some $$$, does this allow her to invite whatever guests she wants to the wedding, even though my parents will be handling most (or all) of the the weddings costs?

I'm scared that if I e-mail her and tell her we already made a guest list and we decided on close friends/family, that she will get mad and say she wasn't inlcuded or she wanted to invite her cousin's cousin's cousin's son's neighbor and their 90 kids, or something ridiculous like that!

Drama already and we haven't even set a definite date! How do I handle this? I want to elope......

Re: Need advice for family drama and guest invites, please!

I think your FH should talk to her. He can say something like,

'I was talking to my FMIL and she mentioned that you contacted her about planning the wedding. I'm really not sure what there is to plan, bc we're having such a small wedding and we've got everything all planned. It was so thoughtful of you to contact her though.'

Re: Need advice for family drama and guest invites, please!

If you want a small intimate destination wedding then it would probably be better for you to choose EXACTLY who you want to be there. Just speak honestly with her about what you and FH want. If she wants something larger and wants to pay for it, then perhaps she could have something at a restaurant or at a catering hall. It could be before or after the wedding.
It will all work out---- don't get stressed.

Re: Need advice for family drama and guest invites, please!

OK....thanks. I will try to relax but it's hard. My fiance is just telling me to 'ignore her' and we should just proceed the way we want to. Is it wrong to send out save the date cards without consulting her first about guests she may want to invite? Uh.

Re: Need advice for family drama and guest invites, please!

IMO- I don't think you should ignore her----- she's going to be related to you, so why set yourself up for other future problems. On some level, she obviously cares or she would not even bother to do anything. I would politely tell her what your plans are and thank her for even caring.