ok ladies, here's my story

I have been wondering why I haven't rcvd any RSVP from my fam. Have rcvd from Rob's fam, his fam friends, and our friends...but I thought, hey, maybe cuz the RSVP date is 6/9..we have time,right?

Well, found out this sat and on sun...that about 17 members of my family are almost def not coming. 17 out of 36. these 17 are all from one branch of the fam tree. there are already 7 others not coming. so this totals 24 of 36. Great, huh?

And the 17 are the ones that I am closest to- travel wise. I understand completely that some of them cannot come due to medical prob in their fam..but all 24? And this includes my godmother. And I have heard that my Godfather will prob not come in from Cal either. So, I am trying to be very calm, and not throw a pity party for myself. I won't worry about those POSSIBLE no's until I know it is a "NO" for sure.... and I know the day is about Rob & I myself and the Priest and Rabbi...but..oh well..sigh I just wish..I can't even count on my Bro being there...and my parents are deceased....oh whatever. thanks for allowing me to vent a little...in an understanding environment.

ok ladies, here's my story

Hi!! I just want to reach out an give you a hug. I totally understand you want your family around for such a special day. Just think that you are marrying the man of your dreams and your best friend and that is all that matters. I am sure you will also be surrounded by friends who love you both and will support you as well as his family. Good Luck and remeber that you get to spend the rest of your life with your best friend!!!

And the 17 are the ones that I am closest to- travel wise. I understand completely that some of them cannot come due to medical prob in their fam..but all 24? And this includes my godmother. And I have heard that my Godfather will prob not come in from Cal either. So, I am trying to be very calm, and not throw a pity party for myself. I won't worry about those POSSIBLE no's until I know it is a "NO" for sure.... and I know the day is about Rob & I myself and the Priest and Rabbi...but..oh well..sigh I just wish..I can't even count on my Bro being there...and my parents are deceased....oh whatever. thanks for allowing me to vent a little...in an understanding environment.

i needed that hug

I thought I could deal w/ this little bump in the road., but oh well... Concetta, you are so right..that is what I think about every day. Thanks so much!

Good luck on your search. Let us know if you find a wonderful place in Queens. I live in Queens and will be looking shortly.

And the 17 are the ones that I am closest to- travel wise. I understand completely that some of them cannot come due to medical prob in their fam..but all 24? And this includes my godmother. And I have heard that my Godfather will prob not come in from Cal either. So, I am trying to be very calm, and not throw a pity party for myself. I won't worry about those POSSIBLE no's until I know it is a "NO" for sure.... and I know the day is about Rob & I myself and the Priest and Rabbi...but..oh well..sigh I just wish..I can't even count on my Bro being there...and my parents are deceased....oh whatever. thanks for allowing me to vent a little...in an understanding environment.

ok ladies, here's my story

Ouch, I can so feel for you and am proud of you for resisting the urge to go to that place of pity (although I know it must be so hard). You can't pick your family but remember what your day is really about - you picked a wonderful fiancee who is becoming YOUR HUSBAND. I wish you all the happiness in the world with him. Vent here as much as you like. We all need a forum to get this stuff out so it doesnt overwhelm us....hang in there, kid.

And the 17 are the ones that I am closest to- travel wise. I understand completely that some of them cannot come due to medical prob in their fam..but all 24? And this includes my godmother. And I have heard that my Godfather will prob not come in from Cal either. So, I am trying to be very calm, and not throw a pity party for myself. I won't worry about those POSSIBLE no's until I know it is a "NO" for sure.... and I know the day is about Rob & I myself and the Priest and Rabbi...but..oh well..sigh I just wish..I can't even count on my Bro being there...and my parents are deceased....oh whatever. thanks for allowing me to vent a little...in an understanding environment.

i needed that hug

Here's a hug from me too!! (((((((PHYL)))))))) I know how you feel. I have had some bumps in the road with my family. SOmethimes I think they should be more involved or do things that they dont. I hurts when you expect things from your own family and they dont come through or at the very least disappointing. Your day will go on with or without them and you will have the time of your life. it will their loss that they didnt shre it with you.

Ouch, I can so feel for you and am proud of you for resisting the urge to go to that place of pity (although I know it must be so hard). You can't pick your family but remember what your day is really about - you picked a wonderful fiancee who is becoming YOUR HUSBAND. I wish you all the happiness in the world with him. Vent here as much as you like. We all need a forum to get this stuff out so it doesnt overwhelm us....hang in there, kid.

And the 17 are the ones that I am closest to- travel wise. I understand completely that some of them cannot come due to medical prob in their fam..but all 24? And this includes my godmother. And I have heard that my Godfather will prob not come in from Cal either. So, I am trying to be very calm, and not throw a pity party for myself. I won't worry about those POSSIBLE no's until I know it is a "NO" for sure.... and I know the day is about Rob & I myself and the Priest and Rabbi...but..oh well..sigh I just wish..I can't even count on my Bro being there...and my parents are deceased....oh whatever. thanks for allowing me to vent a little...in an understanding environment.

ok ladies, here's my story

I can understand your feelings. My fiancee and my brother had a huge fight this weekend and he originally threatened not to come to the wedding. I have convinced him otherwise as he and his fiancee are in the wedding party.

I think my situation will work itself out but the feeling that my family was in turmoil with my wedding just 2 weeks away really upset me. I'm sure it will all work out and we will all enjoy our special days because that's what we've been planning for.

ok ladies, here's my story

Phyllis - You are going to look beautiful and the only thing that is going to matter is your fiance that you are looking at all day! Good things come to good people! You will have a wonderful day.

Good luck and all my best wishes for a great wedding and a wonderful honeymoon. I'm sure with all your attention to detail everything will be perfect!!!!

Congratulations!!! Teresa

G-d bless you all

for cheering me up! I hope I can do the same for all of you. We will enjoy our day and have a great time!

Thanks for your ideas and help.

Come back and tell us how it went. I wish you the best.

ok ladies, here's my story

PHYL- You are going to be a beautiful blushing bride!!! Remember why you are there and why you have put so much effort into planning this day. It is because you are in love with a wonderful man and because you want a special day. None of that should change b/c of the number of people attending your wedding. I know it is a hard pill to swallow, but you will be surrounded by those who love you and who want to wish you well on this special occasion. The love for the two of you will be gushing out of the room and you will feel it. I promise!!!

MISTY - FIRST LET ME SAY HOW SORRY I AM THAT YOU HAVE TO EXPERIENCE THIS HEARTACHE DURING THE PLANNING OF YOUR WEDDING. I KNOW HOW IT FEELS - FIRSTHAND - ONLY IT WAS MY MOM WHO WAS THE PROBLEM. WHILE SHE WILL BE ATTENDING THE CEREMONY, SHE HAS PUT A DARK CLOUD OVER THE ENTIRE WEDDING, EVEN THOUGH SHE DEARLY LOVES THE GROOM. SUCH A WONDERFUL TIME IN MY LIFE HAS BEEN SO SADDENED BY HER NEGATIVITY. I TOO WOULD PREFER TO ELOPE AT THIS POINT. HOWEVER, REMEMBER THAT THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE WHO ARE JOYOUS WITH YOU AND FOR YOU, AND FOCUS ON THOSE GOOD WISHES ON YOUR WEDDING DAY. ALSO, PLEASE REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE CREATING A NEW FAMILY OF YOUR OWN AND YOU WILL CONDUCT YOUR MARRIAGE AND RAISE YOUR CHILDREN WITH LOVE AND RESPECT FOR ALL OTHERS. DO WHAT YOU KNOW IS RIGHT FOR YOU AND YOUR FIANCEE - YOU ARE EACH OTHER'S FAMILY NOW. SMILE AND BE BRAVE. I AM HERE IF YOU NEED AN EAR OR A SHOULDER FROM SOMEONE WHO IS IN THE SAME PLACE AS YOU.

ok ladies, here's my story

I will add my hugs for you to the list as well. It is a lousy way for family to act, but as everyone else has said...Chin up. You are marrying a wonderful man, you will have a marvelous day and they will be the one's missing out. Looks like they are the losers not you. Hang in there and vent away when you need to.

Thanks for all the ideas and advice, especially these past few weeks. It's been a tough month, but I got through it. I can't wait to be sitting on the beach with a coconut drink in my hand.

I'll be back to post how it all turned out.

ok ladies, here's my story

Just like everyone else posted, we are here anytime you need to vent, complain or need a shoulder to cry on. Try to remember that your wedding day will be full of happiness because of the man you are marrying :):) and try not to let this ruin your wonderful day!

An early congratulations!!!

to the ladies- it is definite

I heard from my Godmother last night. Her husband is being shipped out of the country on business...so they cannot come. Neither will her sister in NJ- along w/hubby, baby & my Junior bm. So is her mom and dad.

And most probably her brother who also lives in Virigina- and his clan. Total of 17 people out of 36. Wait! add in one set of cousins from Cal who have told me already that they will not be able to attend...that brings the figure up to 24 out of 36.

I am just waiting for the other shoe to fall...and find out that 3 out of 36 are coming.(and that 3 doesn't include my bro)

to the ladies- it is definite

Phyl, I wish I had something to say to make you feel better. I'm so sorry your family is notm aking you look forward to your wedding. But keep in mind the good things as much as you can - you are marrying the man you love and will start your own family with him. I can't imagine how hard this is for you but hang in there. Soon the day will be here adn it will be a beautiful wedding for the 2 of you. Then you can start your life together and live happily ever after.

My dj has the same thing (probably the same dj), but I'm not going by that. They are getting a fee for their services and I'm sure that neither the MC or the DJ are working only for the tip, so I'm going with what I think is reasonable, not what the suggested is. It's confusing, but I've decided not to stress about it. You're right, it will fall into place the closer you get & the more you have dealings with each vendor. I'm sure any tip will be appreciated.

to the ladies- it is definite

I'm sorry you're having such an unhappy experience. Just keep in mind that when the day comes, you are going to be overwhelmed by all the love from all of your guests. Even the ones who can't be there to share your day. This is the time to vent, it's better to get it out of your system & talk about it than to keep it bottled up.

karen g- and all

you are right about the venting. My fi has been so supportive. He surprised me last night. When I came home from work- late again- he was there and had cooked dinner. All I could do is hug him as ask him how I got so lucky? happy planning to everyone and thank you for all of your support.

www.pmvideoinc.com

they are great. they have a few packages. i know them personally and they are doing my wedding. good luck.

to the ladies- it is definite

Phyl,We are all keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. My daughter's finance's sister just told then that she won't be in the bidal party of her children. (2 jr ushers) She gave no reason and they are upset of course. Her wedding isn't till March 2001 so its even more upsetting that they are already saying they won't be in the brdial party. Keep your chin up and think of all the people that will be there to share the special day

Carolyn

they are great. they have a few packages. i know them personally and they are doing my wedding. good luck.

to the ladies- it is definite

Phyl..just a suggestion that might make you feel better. Write a letter expressing your thoughts and feelings to all those who told you they would come and then backed out for this or that reason. However don't mail it right away. Wait a few days and see if you are still hurting so much. If so then mail it. If not then you don't mail it. Whichever you decide you will feel better because it will give you the chance to air your feelings. It works...trust me. Good luck.

I was wondering what everyone's first dance with their new husband will be?

they are great. they have a few packages. i know them personally and they are doing my wedding. good luck.

Good idea

It might just be a letter to myself, in order for it to be true thereapy! dont want to dump all of this on them either.

I did reply to an email my Godmother sent me about being upset and hoping I could love them again ( just words to me, no meaning) I told her that I was disappointed and then when her sis told me she, her fam and mom and dad weren't coming, how this hit even harder. I tallied the number for her ..12 people. If her bro and fam dont come( which I think they wont from an earlier convo with them) then this Number goes up to 17...their whole branch of the family.

( I dont wan t to think i can't even make my min for the hall!)

Good idea

I didn't respond earlier b/c you were so upset and I just couldn't find the right words. I just didn't know what I could do or say to make you feel better. Well, now I can say that I am really proud of you. You sound much better now that the disappoinment is settling in and that you are focused on making this a wonderful time for you, your future hubby and your new family. You go girl!!! Hang in there and please stay as strong as you are today until that big day comes. I envy your courage and hope that when my time comes I can be just as strong as you are today. Best of luck!!!

Carmen,

Good idea

Glad I could help. It was actually something I learned from a therapist. Writing it down gets it out of your system and allows you to get on with things. When people do this, they rarely, if ever actually send it, but it acts as a way of getting rid of some of the hurt and anger. Best of luck to you and hang in there. It sounds like you have a terrific fiance and a great married life to look foward to. Sounds like good stuff to me!!!

I am planning on having my mother walk me down the aisle. I have been trying to think of a key role my brother can play in the wedding as well. Our bridal party is non-traditional (MOH & BM & our nieces & nephews) so he will not be playing a part there. I was thinking about having him AND my mother walk me down but truthfully, it may be too crowded with the 3 of us to walk down the aisle without it being awkward. My brother is 6'6" tall with wide shoulders so it really may not work. Does anyone have other thoughts on what he can do? I think he is disappointed about not walking me down the aisle but I feel like my mother should be there (I thought of a reader which is not bad but I was hoping for something more.) We are OK with non-traditional stuff so whatever ideas you may have are helpful. Thanks.

Carmen,