Secretly Getting Married

We've been talking about it alot lately and because I really can't wait until 2006 but still want my big fairytale day, We were thinking about getting married in city hall and not telling anyone until the big day in 2006. Ya know like on the ribbons on the favors having the date we get married in city hall instead of the date in 2006. Family has already been pressuring us to forget about the big wedding. What do you think is that silly? Should we just wait till 2006? Im so confused! I really love him but I want my day too. Any suggestions?

Re: Secretly Getting Married

There is a huge article in this month's Modern Bride about this...apparently many couples are starting to do this. Let me know if you want the article.

Re: Secretly Getting Married

I would go on vacation and do it. I saw so many couples doing this in HAwaii. It was so romantic!

Re: Secretly Getting Married

I don't know what your situation is, but I didn't want to totally live with him before we were married (old fashioned, I know!). I wish we had done it before, just so then I would have moved into the condo with him permanently and not be waiting. If I was already living together or had kids with him, I wouldn't wait another 2 years to make it legal...

Re: Secretly Getting Married

Do you think it's tacky thought to wait until the date we set in 2006 to tell everyone? Besides family pressure I don't want it take away from getting married in church.
Just to answer the last post. We do live together and we do have kids together. It's just never been the right time, moneys always been tight because of the kids so we just kept putting it off.

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I think it's okay...I think they might be mad..maybe just tel clsoe fmaily and they'll keep it quiet? I know parents would be pissed.
i think putting the old date on the favors might just be weird and confusing...your guests will feel duped or something? I don't know how to describe what i mean..like 'ha ha the joke's on me'..but...I dunno

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Yeah that's what I thought. So should we just not say anything at all? Neither of us are close to any family and it's partly because of the pressure they've put us under not to bother with a big wedding that we just don't want to wait anymore but at the same time don't want them to ruin it for us later because we already got married. Im sure Im not expressing it right, sorry!

Re: Secretly Getting Married

A lot of couples get married at City Hall, and then have a BIG WEDDING a while later... gives them time to save $ (especially if they already live together, own a home, or have kids). You could be that couple.
If I were in your shoes, I would tell immediate family, and invite them for a small celebration (maybe a BBQ, or mom's backyard) immediately afterwards... however, I wouldn't do that right now. I'd do the city hall marriage on Friday, 5/20/05 (exactly a year before the big event), and then have the big celebration in 2006.

However, I think that if I did the City Hall thing 1st, I would feel like that was the OFFICIAL day, and it would take away from the fairy tale wedding thing.

I know I just somehow contradicted myself right now...

Re: Secretly Getting Married

No actually that's something that keeps running through my mind, sooooo it's nice to see Im not alone in the confusion
Thanks though I really appreciate all the advice.

Re: Secretly Getting Married

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Posted by antoinette72

No actually that's something that keeps running through my mind, sooooo it's nice to see Im not alone in the confusion
Thanks though I really appreciate all the advice.

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Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! What are you going to do?

Re: Secretly Getting Married

I've thought about doing this myself - and I can understand how conflicted you feel. Although we don't have kids, we do live together, and we have for 2 years now. As much as I'd like to run out and get married asap, I also want the pomp and circumstance of a traditional wedding. My fear is that if we got married, and then had the big wedding much later, my friends and family would feel like we just want their gift - but we couldn't actually include them at the real event...I often think that if I were to go with this idea, that I would blatantly refuse any gifts - and really make it just a celebration.

I've decided to wait (but my circumstances are a bit different)------good luck with your decision!

Re: Secretly Getting Married

FH and I did this... more for visa reasons, but looking back, it was the best thing in the world. The wedding planning in Southampton has been stressful and frustrating because I feel like I have to accomodate everyone's wishes... but when we went to City Hall, it was OUR day... OUR time, and it was the sweetest memory of all... it's our little moment together in this whole whirlwind of stress, excitement and activity... and it truly takes SO much of the stress out of planning the wedding because it gives so much more perspective if you're already married... I HIGHLY recommend, though I don't know about suprising the family... I let my immediate family and close friends know and even invited them to the City Hall ceremony, and went to dinner with my mother after...

Re: Secretly Getting Married

i posted about this recently and some people got upset. but i think if me and my fi were going away any time soon we would probably just do it. but unfortunatly we wont be going away since we are paying for the majority of the wedding ourselves.
I say if you want to go for it!

Re: Secretly Getting Married

Me and my husband actually did this. we got married in 1999 in city hall because we wanted to be together and plus we didn't have the money to have a big wedding. now we are actually planning to have the wedding we never had and it's even more special because we now we have a daughter and our family is complete. We will have all the aspects of a traditional wedding and it will be like if it was the first time.

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I think you should do it. I don't think there is anything wrong with it and there is no reason you can't have your fairytale wedding in 06. We just got married in vegas in sept. and will be having the 'real' wedding next oct. The only people that know we got married are my parents and his.

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THats what we did......we had a judge marry us in Feb. and it was great!
In the Greek church- you do not do vows, everything is done for you.
So, it was nice to do all the ..with this ring i thee wed.

I am getting a new band for the church and they are even making us get a new license as they don;t recognize what we did.

I say do what you want for you.

Re: Secretly Getting Married

My friend just got married, she went to Jamaica just her and her husband. It was so nice.

Re: Secretly Getting Married

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Posted by julz33

I would go on vacation and do it. I saw so many couples doing this in HAwaii. It was so romantic!

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Totally what I was thinking too!

Re: Secretly Getting Married

I did it!




We got offically married Oct 23, 2003.
Our one year anniversary we had our 'big day'.

It was great!

Re: Secretly Getting Married

Sorry it's taken soooo long to reply but with halloween and costume shopping for the kids it's been nutty. I love all your advice and wish the guilt would go away so I could make a decision but every day I seem to change my mind. I wish I could get married and trust my family to keep it to themselves but my mother is one of those people who wouldn't fly up from fla. in 06 then because she would feel the important part is over. I mean I can't even get this woman up here without a fight when the kids were baptised or made communion and now my one son is making confirmation and Im already getting a song and dance(and it's not because she cant afford it believe me)and my mil is just a @#%$^ who would look to spoil it for us because that's just the way she is. She's already doing it to her nephew who's getting married. One day she likes him the next day she has nothing nice to say and now she just found out that her sil didn't invite a cousin so she's going out of her way to spoil this kids day! So telling immediate family would be out of the question and I can't afford to go away and do it anytime soon! I guess it's my own guilt Im confused about not exactly how these nutty people I call relatives will take it