Very Hurt!

So here it goes, Last year I was in a wedding were my friend put me as her MOH..... she told me she wanted to pick someone who will pick her to be MOH in their wedding. I told her that my sister will be my MOH. She said she understood, but she was a little upset about the whole thing...... So recently I decided to add an extra MOH, which isnt her. She is my friend from Kindergarten who I love dearly and has always been there for me. She is like family, and I needed people like that for me. i knew ahead of time, she would be hurt by this whole thing,.... So ui tried to call her several times to talk but we have been missing eachother. I texted her yesterday, explaining how I would like for her to do a scripture reading on top of her being a BM. I explained to her that I understand she is pregnant, so i dont want to ask for too much, I love her dearly and I would like for her to do a reading.
I dont know what happen but she exploded, she told me I insulted her, because she should have choose another girl to be her MOH, and not me. She said she does not want to be a 'lector'..... what the hell is that???? and she went as far as saying I never wanted her in the wedding....
In january I asked her if she is pregnant, would she want to be a BM.... she took offensive to that.
Yesterday she told me that she doesnt want to do a reading, and that she will rather be a guest......
I was devasted, I was at work, going crazy!
I dont understand her, in her last text she started talking about some issue she created in January insulting my MOH.... I clearlly told her in my last texts, after she already said bye (ttyl)... That I want her to be my BM, I want her to be by my side on this big day, I explained that I LOVE HER DEARLY.... and i dont know why she is behaiving this way..... ( maybe hormones she is due in Sept).
I was devasted, for lunch i walked around brooklyn, venting to my MOH and when i got back to work, I sat down watching the brooklyn bridge and broke down crying. That shocked me, I am not emotional in public.
She hurt me on sooooo many level yesterday, if she only knew.
Im lost..... what to do???.. I read over the text and I see no area where i was wrong.

Oh and hear this 3 days ago i sent her a care package of 2 baby magazines and a baby album to capture all the moments in her pregnancy..... Im such a terrible friend.

Sorry it's too longs!!!

Re: Very Hurt!

Peace, I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are probably right about the pregnancy hormones and you were definitely not in the wrong about anything you did or said. Give it a couple of days to cool down and try speaking to her in person.

Re: Very Hurt!

I understand you're hurt - but understand - she's pregnant! I'd give her some time to calm down. She probably is hurt and offended that you were her MOH and she isn't one of your 2 MOHs. I can certainly understand that. But the truth is... it's your day. You need to be honest and a little self-centered here. As long as she knows that you love her and don't mean to hurt her, that's all the matters and it's all you can do. Hopefully she'll come around in a few days. If she doesn't, you need to talk to her face to face and ask her if she still wants to be a bridesmaid.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope it is all resolved soon.

Re: Very Hurt!

Hun, I'm so sorry. Sounds like you were nothing but a good friend to her and you also gave her the heads up in advance about the MOH situation. Maybe since she's pregnant she's hormonal and not thinking straight. You two need to have a sit down conversation about what's going on.
I find it so selfish when friends cause drama with YOUR wedding. My parents and FHs parents have been great (surprisingly) its a certain friend driving me nuts right now. PSA: If you're in a friends wedding keep your mouth shut and don't cause unnecessary drama for the bride!!

Re: Very Hurt!

Aww Peace I am so sorry u are hurting. U obv care for your friend a lot. But u know what.. she needs to get over it!! I rem u mentioning her before and she is way to hung up on titles and quite honestly, she is acting like a big baby! (No offense). How do u pick someone to be MOH in your wedding just so u can be MOH in theirs?!?! That is insane! Any part taken in someones wedding is special weather its moh, bm, reader, etc. If your friend cant get over 'titles' and is going to continue to give u grief then u know what, I think its best she is only a guest and not in the BP at all. Also, u are not a terrible friend! So plz do not blame yourself for her actions.

Re: Very Hurt!

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Posted by LisaReyes

I understand you're hurt - but understand - she's pregnant! I'd give her some time to calm down. She probably is hurt and offended that you were her MOH and she isn't one of your 2 MOHs. I can certainly understand that. But the truth is... it's your day. You need to be honest and a little self-centered here. As long as she knows that you love her and don't mean to hurt her, that's all the matters and it's all you can do. Hopefully she'll come around in a few days. If she doesn't, you need to talk to her face to face and ask her if she still wants to be a bridesmaid.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope it is all resolved soon.

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How was I self centered?..... i constantly told her I loved her and that I wanted her to be right there beside my on my day.I put my heart out......She lives in Yonker, Im in suffolk county I needed someone that can be there when I need them too. Right now she has alot on her plate, Why inconvience her???? she hardly visit LI.

Re: Very Hurt!

Awww sweetie I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Hopefully it is just hormones and in a few days she'll calm down and you two can talk things through.

Re: Very Hurt!

Wow, I am so incredibly sorry that you have to deal with this. It could very well be pregnancy hormones, but I'm going to second (third?) trying to talk to her face to face in a few days... and tryign to stay as calm and understanding as you can... calmly reinforcing how much she means to you, even if she gets upset...

Which can be difficult. Try your best?

It's perfectly understandable that your chose your sisters as your MOH, or friends from Kindergarten.

YOu don't seem to have done anything wrong. Try not to look at it so right and wrong - compassion always helps.

Side note -


I don't understand girls who are - You can be my MOH, if I'm yours.

We're more mature than that. She should be, especially as she's been a bride and knows how things work.

My upcoming MOH is my friend since I was 13.. and we've always been long distances friends. I was not her MOH two years ago.. I was a bridesmaid. Her sister was MOH ( and rightfully so).

Re: Very Hurt!

Aww Peace she's probably just being emotional. Just let her be for a bit and think it over. You still have plenty of time until the wedding.. I would be hurt if I were you too but she is going through a lot with the baby.. I wouldn't count her out just yet.

Re: Very Hurt!

OMG Peace!! Liek you of all people deserve that? OK, I would totally let this settle down and in a week or so maybe something can be said. I mean she's pregnant and that's not an excuse but you never know you know what I mean?

Re: Very Hurt!

OMG Peace I am so sorry you are going through this. It is a horrible situation!

I hope its the Hormones talking
I am here if you need to talk honey!

XOXOXOXO

Re: Very Hurt!

Thanks guys, that means alot

Re: Very Hurt!

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Posted by Pretty_In_Pink

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Posted by LisaReyes

I understand you're hurt - but understand - she's pregnant! I'd give her some time to calm down. She probably is hurt and offended that you were her MOH and she isn't one of your 2 MOHs. I can certainly understand that. But the truth is... it's your day. You need to be honest and a little self-centered here. As long as she knows that you love her and don't mean to hurt her, that's all the matters and it's all you can do. Hopefully she'll come around in a few days. If she doesn't, you need to talk to her face to face and ask her if she still wants to be a bridesmaid.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope it is all resolved soon.

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How was I self centered?..... i constantly told her I loved her and that I wanted her to be right there beside my on my day.I put my heart out......She lives in Yonker, Im in suffolk county I needed someone that can be there when I need them too. Right now she has alot on her plate, Why inconvience her???? she hardly visit LI.

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I re-read what LisaReyes wrote, and I think she meant that it is YOUR day and you NEED to be self-centered...your wedding is about you and FH, not your friend. I don't think she meant you are being self-centered, but that you sort of need to be self-centered and focus on what you want and what will make you and FH happiest, not your friend or anyone else. And I completely agree!!!!

Re: Very Hurt!

Im so sorry that you are going through this but I really think it is her hormones causing this reaction. Hopefully when she takes some time to think about what she said she will realize how harsh she was being.

Re: Very Hurt!

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Posted by KroertGS

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Posted by Pretty_In_Pink

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Posted by LisaReyes

I understand you're hurt - but understand - she's pregnant! I'd give her some time to calm down. She probably is hurt and offended that you were her MOH and she isn't one of your 2 MOHs. I can certainly understand that. But the truth is... it's your day. You need to be honest and a little self-centered here. As long as she knows that you love her and don't mean to hurt her, that's all the matters and it's all you can do. Hopefully she'll come around in a few days. If she doesn't, you need to talk to her face to face and ask her if she still wants to be a bridesmaid.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope it is all resolved soon.

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How was I self centered?..... i constantly told her I loved her and that I wanted her to be right there beside my on my day.I put my heart out......She lives in Yonker, Im in suffolk county I needed someone that can be there when I need them too. Right now she has alot on her plate, Why inconvience her???? she hardly visit LI.

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I re-read what LisaReyes wrote, and I think she meant that it is YOUR day and you NEED to be self-centered...your wedding is about you and FH, not your friend. I don't think she meant you are being self-centered, but that you sort of need to be self-centered and focus on what you want and what will make you and FH happiest, not your friend or anyone else. And I completely agree!!!!

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That is absolutely what I meant! Thank you, KroertGS! Peace, I don't think you're being self-centered at all! (Sorry if it came across that way!) I meant that you need to be a little self centered because it's a day that is about YOU and FH. Not your friend. She should be supporting you on your day, not the other way around.

Re: Very Hurt!

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Posted by LisaReyes

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Posted by KroertGS

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Posted by Pretty_In_Pink

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Posted by LisaReyes

I understand you're hurt - but understand - she's pregnant! I'd give her some time to calm down. She probably is hurt and offended that you were her MOH and she isn't one of your 2 MOHs. I can certainly understand that. But the truth is... it's your day. You need to be honest and a little self-centered here. As long as she knows that you love her and don't mean to hurt her, that's all the matters and it's all you can do. Hopefully she'll come around in a few days. If she doesn't, you need to talk to her face to face and ask her if she still wants to be a bridesmaid.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope it is all resolved soon.

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How was I self centered?..... i constantly told her I loved her and that I wanted her to be right there beside my on my day.I put my heart out......She lives in Yonker, Im in suffolk county I needed someone that can be there when I need them too. Right now she has alot on her plate, Why inconvience her???? she hardly visit LI.

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I re-read what LisaReyes wrote, and I think she meant that it is YOUR day and you NEED to be self-centered...your wedding is about you and FH, not your friend. I don't think she meant you are being self-centered, but that you sort of need to be self-centered and focus on what you want and what will make you and FH happiest, not your friend or anyone else. And I completely agree!!!!

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That is absolutely what I meant! Thank you, KroertGS! Peace, I don't think you're being self-centered at all! (Sorry if it came across that way!) I meant that you need to be a little self centered because it's a day that is about YOU and FH. Not your friend. She should be supporting you on your day, not the other way around.

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ohhhhh... thank you for the clarification...

Re: Very Hurt!

I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I hope that she comes around and will apologize and be by your side on your wedding day as a BM. I think being a BM is a HUGE honor and I am sad that not everyone feels the same way. I do think that you start realizing who is there for you during the planning of your wedding. It is sad to see the ones that aren't but grab those that are and give them a great big hug!

Re: Very Hurt!

This is terrible. I'm sorry you're so upset. I would hope that she does calm down and come to her senses since being pregnant is not an excuse to go this far. It's your day and people can not just expect you to do things that you don't want to do. I hope she calms down and you two can work all of this out and be excited TOGETHER for your wedding and her baby ! Good luck!