Getting along w/difficult in-laws...

Is anyone else having a hard time w/in-laws? I'm convinced mine are straight from you know where. Mother in law is still under impression that I am truly not a significant part of my husbands life (always trying to undermine me or minimize my importance to him to me). Sister in law is an absolute witch, always out to make trouble (I try to avoid his family as much as possible, unfortunately, you can't avoid them completely). On top of the stresses of the first year, we bought a house that is a homeowners nightmare, and they are always 'popping in' unannounced to give their opinions, criticisms, etc. They say the first year is the hardest, I hope that's true because I don't know if I could deal if I had more years ahead of me like the one we are experiencing now. Some times it all seems like too much and I question why I ever got married in the first place. I was hoping his family would cut me a break, considering I am now his wife, no such luck! How do you deal with these people?

Thanks ladies: We are currently doing this. Our rent - $1000.00 so he pays 700 and I give him 300 and then I pay the utilities, but I feel I am the one who shops for the food (sometimes he does), I buy all necessities, etc. Last night I told him we need to each put 690.00 per month into the joint account and pay the bills from there. He was fine with that. I think I'm frustrated because I don't always want to follow the bills and utilities. I want him to share writing them all out, etc. I am a big spender and he is a saver. Phyllis - I'm going to do what you are doing. That was my goal and then we'll each have our own money to pay our seperate bills with. Thanks for the advice girls! It's helped a lot.
WE just began to put our stuff from the joint accct on Quicken. Rob used it for years for his own account. So, we sit down together in front of the computer and pay the bills together.

Getting along w/difficult in-laws...

And I keep trying to remind myself that no one is like my family, so of course they are weird! I didnt grow up with them. My in-laws are in their 70's, where as my parents are early 50's! Huge difference! My M-I-L thinks it is weird I am in graduate school and working full time! But I just smile and vent to my friends at work! It actually makes for good laughs!
(HEHE) Time is creeping up on us. We have had Yom Kippur dinner at our place and are planning to have Thanksgiving- for whomever decides to come.(cant even get into THAT right now!)

What about you guys?

Getting along w/difficult in-laws...

It's a horrible feeling. I don't have it as bad as you, but the little bit I have makes me feel horrible inside. I let it get to me. I think it's so common though. Not everyone! but I know a lot of folks go through it. I look at it this way. We are outsiders now taking their babies away, or so they think and I think it's pure jealousy or fear of losing their family member. They learn quick though. I hope things get better for you.

I hope this helps, it's just my experience.

Getting along w/difficult in-laws...

Jessica: I'm in the same boat. My in-laws are in their late 70's and my parents are late 50's. UGH what a difference from old school to new school. My MIL wanted to know why we were having our make-up done and why I was having a photographer?

Thanks so much for that weblink, I acually found some things that I liked for the kitchen and bathroom

Getting along w/difficult in-laws...

It is very trying at times, because I know I find myself so short in patience, but I really TRY to treat them as I would treat my grandparents. Although they could never replace them! My husband would love if his mom and I did 'girlie' things together, but thats why I have my mom! She will just never take the place of my mom and I think they both (hubby and MIL)have to realize that! He wants me to call her on a daily basis and be best buddies. Its a nice sentiment, but I think we have finally gotten over that hurdle. She can be very nice, and I am very nice to her but shes just not my mom. Do you think thats wrong??So have you been hit up with when are the kids coming???

With all the cash flying out the door, I was hyperventilating from time to time. We paid for our wedding and honeymoon, bought a volvo and new furniture. We didn't buy a house and will be in our apartment for a while (want to save up for more than a 20% downpayment so we can support our mortgage on one salary), but I do understand what you're experiencing. It can be very uncomfortable to spend all that money so quickly. Its a whirlwind.

For cashflow purposes, we bought our new furniture from IKEA (we've become assembly experts!). Much less expensive than what you're looking at, but b/c it was for only our apartment (and all we wanted to spend at this point) we went for it. Realizing that when we do buy a house, it will all become good furniture for family rooms and guest areas.

Have you spoken w/your husband?

We have a rule - we play bad guy with our families so the other doesn't have to be the 'bad' daughter/son in law. Why not ask your husband to respectfully request that they call first? You are newlyweds, afterall (wink wink). Doesn't have to be confrontational....just has to set some boundaries.

Paul and I moved in together before the wedding to save money. My MIL and I have a relatively good relationship, but for the 2 weeks before the wedding she called EVERYDAY SOBBING. Clearly had a hard time letting go. V. critical of how the apt is decorated (makes me so uncomfortable) and clearly 'marks' him when we're out to dinner (ie shares entrees w/him (which is what we do), asks him to get stuff for her (won't let me), etc.)

Have you spoken w/your husband?

I think he just believes that all of the sudden this new found family is supposed to be flawless, you know like the stepford family! HAHAHA. We get along fine its just some little things, I call when I feel necessary but I don't even talk to my own mother that often. Hey who said being newlyweds was to be easy! he realizes now, that even though we are one big happy family, his family will always be his and my family will always be mine. He loves my parents, but they are younger by 25 years than his parents and much 'hipper' and easier to talk to. Both families have their flaws, so now we adjust.

Good luck hunting!
Kathy

in Laws

hi there- Rob's mom and dad are having a hard time with the empty nest. He was living w/them for quite a while, so it is easy to see that they miss having him around and us over for dinner every week. Now that we live in Long Beach, and my job doens't have na express bus anywhere near it, we haven't been over for dinner.
Plus, rob doens' know how to cut the strings easily either. He winds up being gruff with them..and then his mom confides in me. So here I am in the middle.
oh well, they too have tried to buy things to decorate our home- without asking...and spending $$ they really shouldn't. so we are weaning them off of this by saying, thanks but I really dont need that..can you use it for someone else?

in Laws

It's a horrible feeling. I think they get jealous too. I think my SIL's (5 of them) were jealous of me, for no reason. I never gave them a reason to be. They are much older than I and older looking, so maybe that's it, who knows. I can tell you this though. At my wedding, I did not receive one card from any of them!!! I received a frame from one sister later on, but no card and no cards from the others. Talk about cheesy. I don't care about the money, but the card for memories would have been wonderful. I fed 14 people under them!

Will join the ranks of Mrs in 29 days. We still have not gotten our wedding rings yet, any suggestions as to where to go? My family jeweler became ill quite suddenly and is no longer in business.

in Laws

My new inlaws are weird and almost spiteful!
We have not spoken to them in 2 months since the night of our wedding. Darins mother was annoyed that her son did not get a favor (he gave it to his girlfriend) and that I did not go sit down with her to talk at MY wedding!!!
THey never called to see how our honeymoon was.