SIL VENT

Let me first give some background...I have 4 SILs. 3 of the 4 are DH's sisters and the 4th is BIL's wife. DH's sisters are 35, 38, and 42 and are three of THE most difficult women I have ever met which isn't all that surprising as my MIL is THE most difficult woman I have met thus far....so ya know, the whole 'apple doesn't fall far from the tree' thing is in full effect.

Thanks the LORD for BIL's wife...meredith. She is my saving grace when it comes to SILs.

DHs 3 sisters were all in the wedding party and bitched and moaned about everything from dresses (to the point where I decided to pick a designer, color, length, fabric and asked them to just pick their own style) to my bachelorette party (a 4 hour wine tour during the day on a saturday...NONE of them showed up).

I got text messages from 2 of the 3 of them and a text from MIL as well for my 30th bday...ALL text messages literally said 'Happy Birthday!'...no card, no call, no nothing.

Well, now one of DH's sisters is planning a birthday wine tasting for the other sister who is turning 36. I was also told that if I 'wanted to purchase a gift I should get her somehting yoga/workout related as she is training for the NYC Tri' The wine class is 150 pp and I was just TOLD what to get for a gift.

WAIT A MIN...did my f-ing THIRTIETH birthday not count for SQUAT?!?!

Also, I mentioned in a rant a few weeks ago that DH was planning SIL's husband's 40th bday...ya, well *I* ended up being the person to make arrangements at a restaurant which involved about a dozen or so calls back and forth about private room logistics.

Everyone acts like I am a CHILD bc I am so much younger than everyone else but I am 30 blessed years old.

Look at the exchange with one of SILs on my birthday'

SIL: 'Happy Birthday'
Me: 'Thank you!! I am 30 years old - I can't believe it'
SIL: Oh please...don't complain. Wait til you're 38 like me.
Me: I WASN'T COMPLAINING YOU GRUMPY BEEEOTCH (no...just teasing...but this is what I wanted to write back)

Sorry for the rant. I just don't get it.

Re: SIL VENT

I wouldn't even get the sister a birthday present even if I was told what to get. I would probably be a bigger person and send a card though. What are you thinking of doing? Did they get you anything?

Re: SIL VENT

is it okay for you not to go? like busy with school?

does DH care?

Re: SIL VENT

i don't get my sister in laws a birthday present.

they don't get anything for me.

Re: SIL VENT

Re: SIL VENT

You should not go!!!!! Just text her the way she texted you.

Also, who has a big birthday celebration for 38?!?!
Granted I am a low key birthday person. (meeting for a drink on the weekend is fine with me) but seriously, I think big birthday celebrations are for big birthdays. 21, 30, 35, 40.

Re: SIL VENT

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Posted by 2010BTB

I wouldn't even get the sister a birthday present even if I was told what to get. I would probably be a bigger person and send a card though. What are you thinking of doing? Did they get you anything?

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I am going to go to her wine tasting birthday party and bring a card but I have decided not to get a gift.

No one sent me a card....nevermind a gift.

Re: SIL VENT

I can't stand one of my SIL's... she's kind of the worst human being I've ever come into contact with. I balk at even referring to her as a human.

That being said, our birthday exchanges are a 'happy birthday' via Facebook at best.

why are some people the worst?

Re: SIL VENT

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Posted by Thats-What-She-Said

You should not go!!!!! Just text her the way she texted you.

Also, who has a big birthday celebration for 38?!?!
Granted I am a low key birthday person. (meeting for a drink on the weekend is fine with me) but seriously, I think big birthday celebrations are for big birthdays. 21, 30, 35, 40.

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I am TOTALLY like you - generally a very low key birthday person. But I gotta be honest - I was really jazzed for my 30th...which is why I am really taking offense that NONE of DH's sisters acknowledged my bday beyond a text message.

Re: SIL VENT

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Posted by Byrne2Be

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Posted by 2010BTB

I wouldn't even get the sister a birthday present even if I was told what to get. I would probably be a bigger person and send a card though. What are you thinking of doing? Did they get you anything?

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I am going to go to her wine tasting birthday party and bring a card but I have decided not to get a gift.

No one sent me a card....nevermind a gift.

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Does DH swap bday presents with her?

Re: SIL VENT

If your DH wants to do something or send hersomething, by all means...but if I were you, you need to start acting more like the unliked SIL Meredith and stand your ground and stick up for yourself. Don't go, give a gift or send her anything more than a text message. If you want, send me their addresses, I have a couple free hours this weekend. I'll run by and give them all a kick for not realizing how amazing you are!!

Re: SIL VENT

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Posted by 2010BTB

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Posted by Byrne2Be

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Posted by 2010BTB

I wouldn't even get the sister a birthday present even if I was told what to get. I would probably be a bigger person and send a card though. What are you thinking of doing? Did they get you anything?

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I am going to go to her wine tasting birthday party and bring a card but I have decided not to get a gift.

No one sent me a card....nevermind a gift.

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Does DH swap bday presents with her?

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DH usually treats to dinner/drinks. I mean the main reason I keep carrying on / holding a grudge is bc it was my 30 bday...which is a big bday as far as I'm concerned...ya know? I wouldn't really care, as much, if it was 29 or 31. Plus, the fact that a month later one of my SILs is planning a wine tasting and the other is planning a huge birthday dinner for her husband.

I am actually 'close' with 2 of DH's 3 sisters (the oldest one is not close with ANYONE). So that is also why I feel kinda hurt.

Its a hard family dynamic to put into words. I only have one brother so I am totally not used to this BS....

Re: SIL VENT

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Posted by Byrne2Be

Its a hard family dynamic to put into words. I only have one brother so I am totally not used to this BS....

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This is me exactly - just me and my brother, only 3 years apart. And in general, my family does not act like my DH's at all when it comes to family drama, so I feel for you in terms of not knowing how to handle it! I don't know what to do/think/say half the time either...

Re: SIL VENT

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Posted by Linzee636

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Posted by Byrne2Be

Its a hard family dynamic to put into words. I only have one brother so I am totally not used to this BS....

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This is me exactly - just me and my brother, only 3 years apart. And in general, my family does not act like my DH's at all when it comes to family drama, so I feel for you in terms of not knowing how to handle it! I don't know what to do/think/say half the time either...

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You TOTALLY just summed everything up into a consise nutshell. My brother and I are 2 years apart and super close. Both of my parents are loving, supportive, warm, and kind. Of course my family isn't perfect...but we just operate totally differently than DH's family.

Re: SIL VENT

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Posted by Byrne2Be

DH usually treats to dinner/drinks. I mean the main reason I keep carrying on / holding a grudge is bc it was my 30 bday...which is a big bday as far as I'm concerned...ya know? I wouldn't really care, as much, if it was 29 or 31. Plus, the fact that a month later one of my SILs is planning a wine tasting and the other is planning a huge birthday dinner for her husband.

I am actually 'close' with 2 of DH's 3 sisters (the oldest one is not close with ANYONE). So that is also why I feel kinda hurt.

Its a hard family dynamic to put into words. I only have one brother so I am totally not used to this BS....

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I totally understand the grudge - I'd be quite pissed off too if my bday got overlooked but others we celebrated in full force. I just would do as little as possible for them. Do enough that you don't feel guilty but not too much that you regret it.

Re: SIL VENT

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Posted by CarolAnn721

If your DH wants to do something or send hersomething, by all means...but if I were you, you need to start acting more like the unliked SIL Meredith and stand your ground and stick up for yourself. Don't go, give a gift or send her anything more than a text message. If you want, send me their addresses, I have a couple free hours this weekend. I'll run by and give them all a kick for not realizing how amazing you are!!

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I LOVE you and I am gonna give you extra hugs to prove it next time we're together!

You are TOTALLY right - I need to start behaving differently. I need to start acting in a way that is in line with how I am being treated. My mom and I just had a very similar situation.

To be honest, I am not used to 'not liking' people. Generally, if I don't care for someone I just don't pay them any mind. I don't usually get too worked up about things. In this case, the people involved are a part of my life for better or for worse. I have to just get better at standing my ground and doing so in a way that is respectful.

DH's sisters ALL give him SUCH a hard time over just about everything. They are just very difficult people to get along with in general. I think a part of my problem is that I have taken things SO personally. I am starting to realize their behavior has little to do with me and so much more to do with who they are and how they operate.

Re: SIL VENT

This topic just resonates SO MUCH with me. Everything you've said is ringing in my ears from what I've dealt with/am dealing with my SIL.

I joke around with DH and say 'But who doesn't like ME?' I'm nice, friendly and give people the benefit of the doubt by getting to know them instead of judging them right out of the gate. I just naturally easy to get along with, so trying to understand why other people act the way the do (aka like spoiled, seflish, heartless people) baffles the heck out of me sometimes. It sounds like you're dealing with the same thing too.

If I'm on the right track, my only advice is to control what you can - which is you. You can't control the way other people act and what they do, so as long as you do what is in your and your DH's best interest at the end of the day, and live your lives the way you want to... card or gift be damned!... then it'll be all good

Re: SIL VENT

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Posted by Byrne2Be

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Posted by CarolAnn721

If your DH wants to do something or send hersomething, by all means...but if I were you, you need to start acting more like the unliked SIL Meredith and stand your ground and stick up for yourself. Don't go, give a gift or send her anything more than a text message. If you want, send me their addresses, I have a couple free hours this weekend. I'll run by and give them all a kick for not realizing how amazing you are!!

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I LOVE you and I am gonna give you extra hugs to prove it next time we're together!

You are TOTALLY right - I need to start behaving differently. I need to start acting in a way that is in line with how I am being treated. My mom and I just had a very similar situation.

To be honest, I am not used to 'not liking' people. Generally, if I don't care for someone I just don't pay them any mind. I don't usually get too worked up about things. In this case, the people involved are a part of my life for better or for worse. I have to just get better at standing my ground and doing so in a way that is respectful.

DH's sisters ALL give him SUCH a hard time over just about everything. They are just very difficult people to get along with in general. I think a part of my problem is that I have taken things SO personally. I am starting to realize their behavior has little to do with me and so much more to do with who they are and how they operate.

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You can't change who they are, but your DH is a grown man and shouldn't be accepting such a hard time from his siblings. But he will handle that in his own way when his time comes. Also, if I were your DH, I would want my sisters to treat you better, but that is a discussion fro another day.

Don't work yourself up. They were like this before you came into the picture and they would be like this if you weren't in the picture at all.

ETA: If someone forces a hug upon you, is that considered sexual assault??

Re: SIL VENT

they all sound like such *treats!*