Wedding gift question--the 'list'

So my grandmother has been harrassing me to find out if one of our relatives who RSVPed yes and never bothered to show sent a gift...I keep forgetting to check...

So my mom reminded me before that my grandmother was asking...then my mom was like 'you made a list, right? I need you to print it out so I can have a copy.'

I was like 'uhhh...why do you need a copy??'

She was explaining that she needs to see for future reference so she can reciporicate gifts...but I can't even think of anyone that would be getting married that she would need to see...plus she can always just ask me.

I think I may have possibly hurt my mom's feelings by eventually saying no, but I don't really think it's any of her business for her to have my list. I would have told MIL the same thing if she had ever asked--it's for me and DH only. My mom asked how much we got total, which I told her, but to give her the list was too much IMO.

Anyone have something like this happen to them? If not, what would you have done in my position? Maybe I was wrong? I'm ok hearing that too

Re: Wedding gift question--the 'list'

i think you handled it well. unless she paid for the wedding, i dont think she needs to see all the details.

my mom asked me what HER friends gave, which i told her. but she didnt ask about the details of my friends (which is good, b/c its not her business)

maybe your mom is just curious about her friends.

Re: Wedding gift question--the 'list'

I would have done what you did. None of her business.

No one asked me about our list. We had A LOT of people not give a card or a gift. I'm not surprised, I am just taking notes for future reference

Re: Wedding gift question--the 'list'

Both of our mother's have asked what certain people gave but DH's mom called one day and went through all of 'his' side and made her own list of what everyone gave.

Personally I think it's a little rediculous but I'm also not the type of person to say 'they gave us $100 so that's what we're giving them.' I choose what to give based on how close we are and how much I can afford.

Re: Wedding gift question--the 'list'

It annoyed me when my mom asked for the list too. Instead of giving her the whole list, I made her a list of my parents guest list and the gifts those people gave us. I told her everything else was none of her business.

Just explain to your mom that you feel like that is a personal thing between your guests, DH, and you and that if she needs a list of just her side (if you are willing to) then you will give her just that but not a whole list. Or just tell her you have no problem just answering her when she asks for an amount but as of right now you do not feel comfortable giving her a list. Trust me, in a couple months, she'll forget that list even exists.

Re: Wedding gift question--the 'list'

This is how I feel:

People gave what they could- what's the big deal? you give what you can when you attend theirs- period.
Why does it have to be tallied and matched?

I was honored people came and celebrated our love.

Re: Wedding gift question--the 'list'

My MIL is like that, she wanted to know what certain people on her side gave so when she goes to a party or wedding of theirs she can give the same amount. I hate that!!

DH and I have agreed no one gets to know exact numbers, so when MIL asks we just say i dont remember or it was a good gift.

Re: Wedding gift question--the 'list'

MIL asked me for the list BEFORE WE LEFT THE RH!!! I gave her only her side, and if the gift was not good enough, she said she is calling them up!

I was just happy to see my family there; and that's a big enough gift to DH and I

Re: Wedding gift question--the 'list'

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Posted by DreamyD

This is how I feel:

People gave what they could- what's the big deal? you give what you can when you attend theirs- period.
Why does it have to be tallied and matched?

I was honored people came and celebrated our love.

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I totally agree--this is what it's all about at the end of the day. I needed this list though! I'm a list maker, and it was helpful for when I had to deposit everything--all of the cash and checks were added seperately.

Plus, I did think it would be helpful as not an exact science, but maybe a reference point...?

But I see what you are saying

Re: Wedding gift question--the 'list'

Oh I think it's wise to keep a list- especially for thank you's-
I just wrote the amount in each card as I took it out- and I now have to go back through all the cards to compose a list!

I think it's very old school to be all eye for eye about it- I think our parents generation is more concerned about such things than we are!
<3

Re: Wedding gift question--the 'list'

We paid for the wedding ourselves so we didnt have the need to provide anyone with 'a list'.

Re: Wedding gift question--the 'list'

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Posted by DreamyD

Oh I think it's wise to keep a list- especially for thank you's-
I just wrote the amount in each card as I took it out- and I now have to go back through all the cards to compose a list!

I think it's very old school to be all eye for eye about it- I think our parents generation is more concerned about such things than we are!
<3

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Haha grandparents too..I can't even begin to explain how many times my grandmother asked me about this and that! She actually got mad at me the last time she called because I hadn't checked yet...sigh. Things to remember for when our kids have weddings

Re: Wedding gift question--the 'list'

my MIL asked me twice for what two separate people gave us as gifts so that she could give the same amount to their childrens wedding. i had no problem telling her but neither set of parents asked us for an actual list. if they ever want to know who gave what, they can ask me, but no one sees the list besides DH or I.

Re: Wedding gift question--the 'list'

MIL asked DH for a copy, I told him no. If she want to know certain people for their kids weddings etc I will be more than happy to provide that to her.

Re: Wedding gift question--the 'list'

bahahaa so funny that you posted this! I thought this was only something my looney aunts do lol But of course I made a list

Re: Wedding gift question--the 'list'

My mom asked me the same thing, for the same reason, and I gave her the list. It doesn't bother me, that's just me though

Edited to clarify that I only gave her the list for her side of the family. She didn't care about seeing my DH's family or my friends list bc she won't be going to any of their functions

Re: Wedding gift question--the 'list'

Both my mom and my MIL asked for 'the list.' I have no problem sharing it with them (for the people on their respective sides).

ETA: John and I both paid for our wedding ourselves. I don't view the list as having to do with that. It's more that they want to know who 'so and so' gave, so they can give the same amount when they go to their son or daughter's wedding next month, etc.

Re: Wedding gift question--the 'list'

My parents only ask me what someone gave. They didn't request a list. My MIL on the other hand, wants it in excel. I did not create one. I saved every card, in a box, and wrote on the back - CK or Cash and the amount. I have the cards sorted too it's not like I'm skimming through a whole bunch.

And oddly enough, MIL wants a list of the gifts I received from her friends from the baby shower...lol. it continues...

But I almost see there POV, why would they go all out on a gift for there friend's son or daughter if they didn't with us? I just think physically giving a list is a bit much.

Re: Wedding gift question--the 'list'

I may be in the minority but i personally think it helps to know what people gave. We had some shockers at our wedding and not from people that couldnt afford. some people were people that could and whose wedding we atteded.one couple we gave 150 a person and they gave 50 a person. lol. anyways. i also think u handled it well if she wants the lost make her a mini list with her fam/friends and thats it.

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Posted by chris1082

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Posted by DreamyD

This is how I feel:

People gave what they could- what's the big deal? you give what you can when you attend theirs- period.
Why does it have to be tallied and matched?

I was honored people came and celebrated our love.

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I totally agree--this is what it's all about at the end of the day. I needed this list though! I'm a list maker, and it was helpful for when I had to deposit everything--all of the cash and checks were added seperately.

Plus, I did think it would be helpful as not an exact science, but maybe a reference point...?

But I see what you are saying

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Re: Wedding gift question--the 'list'

I made a list just to keep track of how much we were depositing in the bank, but DH brought up a good point -
if someone asks why you didn't cash their check yet, it helps to know who you were missing gifts from in case any were stolen or the guest misplaced it but thought they'd given it to you at the wedding